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Working Moms
mae0111
member
NWMR - Family and Holidays - A Rant
mae0111
member
in Working Moms
Since Dh and I moved into our new house earlier this year, we've been very excited about hosting Christmas for both of our families. My family is local. His family is coming from 1.5 hours and 5 hours away.
Last night, he asked what time we'd like to have people come over. I said maybe around 1, eat dinner early-ish around 4, because I know some folks in my family have to work the next day. His family will stay over, so we'll get tons of quality time after my family leaves. They will not come before Christmas day. We've asked. They don't want to.
He told me that his family does not want to exchange gifts at the same time as my family. I said that was fine, we could exchange with them after my family leave. No, he said, I need to tell my family that they can't come over until after we've exchanged with his family. OK, so can you family come around noon? His parents, with the longest ride, are typically on the road by 6am at the latest. When we go to his brother's for Christmas, we're there before lunch, at their insistence. Noooooo - that's too early. So they don't want to come until mid-afternoon, but they want me to tell my family not to come over until even later.
So now I'm pissed. Why can't the kids all open presents together? Why do we have to wait? I don't feel like I should have to tell my family to come late because of this. If they don't want to exchange gifts while my family is there, I kind of feel like they should wait and do it later.
Am I being a huge b!tch about this?
Last night, he asked what time we'd like to have people come over. I said maybe around 1, eat dinner early-ish around 4, because I know some folks in my family have to work the next day. His family will stay over, so we'll get tons of quality time after my family leaves. They will not come before Christmas day. We've asked. They don't want to.
He told me that his family does not want to exchange gifts at the same time as my family. I said that was fine, we could exchange with them after my family leave. No, he said, I need to tell my family that they can't come over until after we've exchanged with his family. OK, so can you family come around noon? His parents, with the longest ride, are typically on the road by 6am at the latest. When we go to his brother's for Christmas, we're there before lunch, at their insistence. Noooooo - that's too early. So they don't want to come until mid-afternoon, but they want me to tell my family not to come over until even later.
So now I'm pissed. Why can't the kids all open presents together? Why do we have to wait? I don't feel like I should have to tell my family to come late because of this. If they don't want to exchange gifts while my family is there, I kind of feel like they should wait and do it later.
Am I being a huge b!tch about this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NWMR - Family and Holidays - A Rant
On the one hand, they really don't have any say in when your family arrives or leaves or what they do.
On the other, this may be a big miscommunication between your DH and his family.
I think that's more than fair. Cutting into your time w/ your family is NOT an option - and really, you need to ride your DH about that one. He needs to "get it" that this is NOT an option.
Because - you give in and go along w/ it, then his family will start to expect this in future years.
Which really brings up another point - perhaps in the future, it may be best to keep the family celebrations separate. We've now combined both Thanksgiving and CHristmas w/ our families. At first, it was nice. But now - as the years pass and there is now weird vibes because of DS, it's no longer the fun, comfortable event it once was. But it's too late to go back.
Doing it together ONE year, because it's your new home, can really be a one time event. And now that you've gotten a clue that his family really doesn't want to be "all one big happy family" about it - it might be best to not make this the norm.
One question - though. Do they not want to do this because they don't want ot have to BUY for your family? Is this where the concern is coming from? (I mean, if it is, I get it. Presents can be $$). BUT that still doesn't give them the right to dictate that your family needs to come late.
You're INVITING them to YOUR home, and now they are trying to dictate the schedule to you? That's honestly so damn rude.
And "mid afternoon" doesn't sound like 1 to me. It sounds like 2 or 3, or even 4. So - they want your family to come AFTER that and have dinner when, exactly?
Again - you need to give your DH the riot act on this.
DH threw out there that I had NO IDEA what it was like to have both families for a holiday. Except that EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS, both sides of the family came to my parents house. I'm sure there were issues, but as kids, we never saw it, and no one compared presents, either.
The whole thing is ridiculous. I was really crazy excited for Christmas this year. I started my shopping in October. I've been listening to Christmas carols with the kids for 2 weeks now. This totally took the wind out of my sails.
Bah humbug.
If they are so concerned about her comparing, which I agree is a ridiculous thing for them to be concernced about because 1) she is 4, but also 2) I am sure you are raising a polite DD who wouldnt do something like that if she were old enough to know, then why not just put all the presents in a pile she she wont know who gave what?
Im Jewish and dont know better so I am sorry if this isnt in line with tradition, but perhaps it is a way to get around their silly concern. Jeez.
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