It's MY baby...not yours! Rant.

Elreid · November 2013

Back story- SO's mom always refers to this baby as "hers". Since her divorce (a year ago), she has been irresponsible with her own children and just a lazy person who lives off of the government and our tax dollars. She has a new boyfriend who she sees almost daily while her kids are at school. I was planning on going back to school this January and having my SO's mom watch the LO, which she already agreed to, but she is now telling us that she is "busy" and might not have the time. She has NO job at all, and she would just be sitting at home watching TV, being on the computer or with her BF during the times that I would be in school. She is just so lazy and inconsiderate. We even offered to pay her $35/ day that she watches LO while I am at school. Her two younger children are 11 and they are not in sports or any other kind of extra curricular activity because their mom wont let them. She says it is too stressful to have kids in that many sports. (YOU HAVE NO JOB WOMAN!!! and I know tons of moms who work their asses off and take care of children in school and other activities. GAH!)

So last night my SO and I had his dad and brother and sister over for dinner and a little family game night. (Rock band at 39 weeks pregnant is so much fun!!!) SO's parents are divorced, so we always do separate dinner/game nights. Well while we were all enjoying our night, my SO's mom calls, knowing that we are all having a game night. She tells my SO "I have strict orders for E to have MY baby tomorrow because it is 11/11 and that sounds heavenly." She has been calling numerous times asking about the state of my cervix, asking if I have had the baby yet, or just calling to see if we will give her any information at all. We usually just tell her to get her to shut up for another week because she knows that we only have appointments once a week. I AM DONE.

My SO and I have decided that we will not be calling anyone to let them know that the baby is on his way or even here yet until we have had about a couple hours of bonding time. From there we will call grandparents and immediate family, then extended family and then friends. All of our families live within a couple minutes of the hospital, so there is no need for them to be at the hospital while I am in labor and delivery. SO's mom was the only one who had a problem with this. She said we were being inconsiderate because this was her first grand baby and she should be able to be in the room with us.-uhh its our first baby and I honestly just dont want her there. She causes too much stress.

Sorry for the rant, but I really just want to tell this woman to shove it. She's probably the most selfish person I have ever met in my entire life.

Anyone else have "that" family member to deal with? If you read through this....you're a saint

enjoy your day ladies.

SweetPea0902 · November 2013

Right now SO's mom is being a complete witch and I don't want her at the hospital. SO and I were engaged for just under a month when we found out that we were going to be parents. When we told his parents, the first thing that she said was "who's the father?" Now she's demanding that he get a paternity test because she doesn't believe our son is his. Um...I'm sorry lady (to be blunt) your son is the only man I've slept with for the past year and 3 months, so he's definitely his. My SO has gotten to the point of her saying such negative and nasty things about me where he is ready to cut her out of his life, and our son's life. You would think that since this is the first grandchild on either side, she would be happy to be a grandma, NOPE! I have pretty much decided that the only people who are going to be in the room with me when I deliver are MY mom and my SO. I don't want his mom there at all, and if that makes me evil, then fine. We'll probably wait to tell people about his arrival after we've had some bonding time with our baby, but I do NOT want to see her there at all as of now. And I don't know if that will change.

FemShep · November 2013

Elreid said:

Back story- SO's mom always refers to this baby as "hers". Since her divorce (a year ago), she has been irresponsible with her own children and just a lazy person who lives off of the government and our tax dollars. She has a new boyfriend who she sees almost daily while her kids are at school. I was planning on going back to school this January and having my SO's mom watch the LO, which she already agreed to, but she is now telling us that she is "busy" and might not have the time. She has NO job at all, and she would just be sitting at home watching TV, being on the computer or with her BF during the times that I would be in school. She is just so lazy and inconsiderate. We even offered to pay her $35/ day that she watches LO while I am at school. Her two younger children are 11 and they are not in sports or any other kind of extra curricular activity because their mom wont let them. She says it is too stressful to have kids in that many sports. (YOU HAVE NO JOB WOMAN!!! and I know tons of moms who work their asses off and take care of children in school and other activities. GAH!)

So last night my SO and I had his dad and brother and sister over for dinner and a little family game night. (Rock band at 39 weeks pregnant is so much fun!!!) SO's parents are divorced, so we always do separate dinner/game nights. Well while we were all enjoying our night, my SO's mom calls, knowing that we are all having a game night. She tells my SO "I have strict orders for E to have MY baby tomorrow because it is 11/11 and that sounds heavenly." She has been calling numerous times asking about the state of my cervix, asking if I have had the baby yet, or just calling to see if we will give her any information at all. We usually just tell her to get her to shut up for another week because she knows that we only have appointments once a week. I AM DONE.
My SO and I have decided that we will not be calling anyone to let them know that the baby is on his way or even here yet until we have had about a couple hours of bonding time. From there we will call grandparents and immediate family, then extended family and then friends. All of our families live within a couple minutes of the hospital, so there is no need for them to be at the hospital while I am in labor and delivery. SO's mom was the only one who had a problem with this. She said we were being inconsiderate because this was her first grand baby and she should be able to be in the room with us.-uhh its our first baby and I honestly just dont want her there. She causes too much stress.

Sorry for the rant, but I really just want to tell this woman to shove it. She's probably the most selfish person I have ever met in my entire life.

Anyone else have "that" family member to deal with? If you read through this....you're a saint enjoy your day ladies.

1) Why on earth would you want someone you describe as lazy and disinterested in her own children watching your LO? This is really the environment you want for your baby?

2) Why do you expect that she'll be available to watch your LO? It's pretty darn presumptuous to think she'll watch your LO, especially if she's not being paid.

3) If the worst thing she does is call the baby "MY baby", that's honestly pretty mild stuff. Annoying as all get-out, sure, but hardly life and death. Chill out.

4) If she keeps calling for updates and you *keep giving them*, of course she's going to keep calling you! It's your baby and your decision, and you're well within your rights to not call people unless you're ready to see them. Start practicing letting her calls go to voicemail now.

PrimRoseMama · November 2013

Um, it's really presumptuous of you to assume dominion over this woman's time. Job or not-- she can do what she wants with her time & doesn't have to justify it to you.

That said, it's creepy when an in-law or grandparent refers to other peoples' kids as "theirs". That's over stepping boundaries.

Elreid · November 2013

Well she's not going to watch LO now! We can't trust her. She did tell is she would watch him for us about 4 months ago, but we don't think she should now. Sorry if I worded that wrong earlier. And we do so many favors for her, so for us to ask her to watch LO for one semester a couple days a week when she's living off of our tax dollars seems pretty fair to me! I mentioned earlier that we would pay her $35/day that she watched LO. My schedule is only 2 days a week and my classes are only from 8-noon, so we didn't really think it was too much to ask since she has no job. She has just recently gone crazy and has recently become irresponsible since the new bf came along. We had talked to her about watching LO before all of this stuff happened. I'm just tired of her bullshit. We help her out all the time with picking up her kids from school, taking them to friends houses and fixing them dinners when she's on dates. Sorry I had to rant about it. I think I have every right to bitch about it. And we have decided to find someone else to watch LO during the times that I'm at school. The whole issue with calling LO "my baby" was just my last straw. We also decided we will no longer be doing her any favors that involve her bf.

PrimRoseMama · November 2013

Elreid said:
Well she's not going to watch LO now! We can't trust her. She did tell is she would watch him for us about 4 months ago, but we don't think she should now. Sorry if I worded that wrong earlier. And we do so many favors for her, so for us to ask her to watch LO for one semester a couple days a week when she's living off of our tax dollars seems pretty fair to me! I mentioned earlier that we would pay her $35/day that she watched LO. My schedule is only 2 days a week and my classes are only from 8-noon, so we didn't really think it was too much to ask since she has no job. She has just recently gone crazy and has recently become irresponsible since the new bf came along. We had talked to her about watching LO before all of this stuff happened. I'm just tired of her bullshit. We help her out all the time with picking up her kids from school, taking them to friends houses and fixing them dinners when she's on dates. Sorry I had to rant about it. I think I have every right to bitch about it. And we have decided to find someone else to watch LO during the times that I'm at school. The whole issue with calling LO "my baby" was just my last straw. We also decided we will no longer be doing her any favors that involve her bf.

No one said you couldn't bitch. You just sound kind of unreasonable & douchey when you complain about this in this way.

1) Paid or not, her job is not to take care of your LO. You are responsible for finding childcare. Her time, finances etc. are HER business. Your commentary sounds very entitled.

2) As you said, stop doing favors if you cannot afford it or don't want to. You are an adult & can say no. Her kids (your siblings or SO?) are not your responsibility.

Disneygeek77 · November 2013

Stop. You need to stop talking about how she spends her time. That is none of your concern and she has as much right to talk to her BF during her day as you have to goof off here on the Bump.

Elreid · November 2013

I just think that she should be a little more responsible when she tells us that she is available to watch LO and then does so many other irresponsible things along with telling us she's no longer available to do it. I understand it's not her job. No one said it was, but she should have never agreed to do it if she didn't want to. I know having a hold is MY responsibility, and I am taking it seriously. That is one reason I'm going to finish my degree, so it's just frustrating to me. I'm trying to better myself and our family and after all of the help we have offered her through the divorce she can't take a couple mornings of having sex with her bf while her kids are at school to help us out. Maybe I do sound entitled...you're right. I'm just frustrated.

Elreid · November 2013

Disneygeek77 said:
Stop. You need to stop talking about how she spends her time. That is none of your concern and she has as much right to talk to her BF during her day as you have to goof off here on the Bump.

How she spends her time effects me and my family. She and my SO have made it that way, so I'm sorry but I'm not going to stop complaining. If you don't like it don't read it.

hbrooks88974 · November 2013

I know the feeling. Nothing too serious but when it comes to who is in the L&D room with you it is completely up to you! I have been asked multiple times if MIL could come in because she says "my son will need me there". REALLY??! Your son is a grown man and he will be FINE. I honestly want to it to just be me, my fiance' and doc/nurses. I say that now, but I might end up wanting my "mommy" before it is all over with. And because my mom might be there MIL feels like she should be able to be in the room too. Whatever.

FemShep · November 2013

Elreid said:

I just think that she should be a little more responsible when she tells us that she is available to watch LO and then does so many other irresponsible things along with telling us she's no longer available to do it. I understand it's not her job. No one said it was, but she should have never agreed to do it if she didn't want to. I know having a hold is MY responsibility, and I am taking it seriously. That is one reason I'm going to finish my degree, so it's just frustrating to me. I'm trying to better myself and our family and after all of the help we have offered her through the divorce she can't take a couple mornings of having sex with her bf while her kids are at school to help us out. Maybe I do sound entitled...you're right. I'm just frustrated.

I'm sure I don't want to know how you know your SO's mom is having sex.... But the hard truth is that she's an adult, and is entitled to do what she wants. She gave you plenty of notice that she is no longer free to watch your LO. Get over it. Andplusalso, whether or not she receives public assistance has absolutely nothing to do with whether she is available to watch your LO or whether you deserve her help because of "your tax dollars".

The corollary to this fact, of course, is that you and your SO are also adults. You can choose who is in the delivery room. You can choose how, and if, you want to help his mom. You can choose how much information you share and how much contact you want to have.

And all parties involved can choose to act like mature adults too!

2010weddinggal · November 2013

OP wow, you need to get off that high horse, just because she is on government assistance means nothing. In the first place you should have never asked her to watch your newborn if you know how she spends her days. That says you do not care who watches your newborn just as lonng as he/she is watched. Find someone new, quit bashing her on a website where people do not care how she spends her time or where she gets her money. Now the delivery room yes you do not have to have anyone there if you do not want too and like PP have said just do not answer her phone calls.

ShhItsASecret · November 2013

I have two MILs (due to divorce) and they are both seriously crazy!!! I feel your pain.

beck41982 · November 2013

Awe, if you want to rant and complain about your MIL, you have every right to. Lord knows Im dealing with a crazy one myself. No, being on gv't assistance doesn't mean she has to watch your LO bc you pay taxes, but I understand MILs are difficult. Rant on if it makes you feel better!!

beckylynn23 · November 2013

Go ahead...rant if you want. I've got different things that set me off these days...oh the hormones...and my hubby usually is the one to get the ear full!! She is just the particular one that sets you off. No worries...if people don't want to read your rant, they can just stop reading!

momof2buggs · November 2013

Wow. You are extremely judgemental, and you make many assumptions that are most likely incorrect. Clear and concise communication (on your part) would clear up most of the issues going on. Your passive-aggressive behavior only serves to further destroy an already dysfunctional relationship.

Meery82 · November 2013

Well, maybe MIL is a lazy ass who leaches off the government. Obviously not everyone that receives assistance is like that, but we all know there are plenty that are. I can see where OP would be resentful if that is the case.

First and foremost, you need to discuss these issues with your SO. It's not going to work out if you two aren't on the same page. Also, I wouldn't have her watch your kid and I would tell her that if you don't want her in the delivery room, she will not be in the delivery room.

lollipoppoop · November 2013

My sister pulled the same crap with me when I wasn't working. Just because someone isn't working doesn't mean they want to babysit.

PetuniaFeatherbottom · November 2013

I understand and can sympathize with some of this, but how old are all these people? It's just kinda baffling that people over 20 would act like this, but I'm trying to assume that you all are.

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It's MY baby...not yours! Rant.

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