Update to nursing at the YMCA issue

needanustart · November 2013

First, sorry this is so long! I wrote a long letter to the YMCA executive director today and got just a brief email response and apology back (both letters below). I'm not asking for a hug or anything but is it a little annoying that no one even called me? Am I just being sensitive or does this seem like a C.Y.A. dismissive response? Someone talk me down before I call the news!

This is my letter:

My two-year-old son, Graham, is a member of the YMCA and loves your programs. While we usually enjoy the Y, I am writing because I had a negative and upsetting experience when visiting the Sterling Center YMCA yesterday.

I frequently take Graham to open gym and when we come, I bring my newborn baby, Arlo, and we have lunch afterwards with Graham’s open gym friends in the café area. The timing coincides with baby Arlo needing to nurse, so I usually discreetly nurse him in the café area while Graham plays or eats. Yesterday, an employee asked me to move my family and nurse my baby in the family locker room. This is unacceptable and made me very angry. There is no way I’m going to make my two-year-old and my baby eat their lunch in a locker room. Would you want to eat lunch in a locker room?

As you know, the YMCA’s mission states that you seek to “strengthen communities, educate and nurture children and promote healthy living in spirit, mind and body” while your vision is to be a place “where all children, adults and families are healthy, confident and connected.” Any doctor will tell you that there is absolutely nothing you can do for a baby that is more healthy than breastfeeding. It is the cornerstone of what modern medicine knows to be effective for a healthy baby and healthy mother. Breastfeeding creates a strong bond between mother and child, which strengthens the family as a whole. I cannot think of another activity that so perfectly fits both your mission and vision.

Whatever anyone might think about breastfeeding, there is no denying that it is protected by law. Mass. Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 111 § 221(a) (2008) states, “A mother may breastfeed her child in any public place or establishment or place which is open to and accepts or solicits the patronage of the general public and where the mother and her child may otherwise lawfully be present.” I am not looking for a lawsuit or to bring in a news crew (though the next nursing mother may be), but I would respectfully like to request that you train your employees to understand the benefits of breastfeeding in order to create a culture of respect for this healthy practice. Are employees of the YMCA educated about the benefits of breastfeeding? Is there any training or policy in place in regards to nursing mothers? Do employees understand it’s illegal to ask a nursing mother to leave or move?

I am writing not because I want to cause a scene, but because I would like some good to come from the anger and sadness I felt after this incident at the Sterling Center Y. Breastfeeding can be difficult and challenging, and the YMCA could and should play a helpful role in supporting its practice. My request is that the YMCA take specific actions to address this issue and let me know what those actions will be. As a mother, it saddens me deeply to think that anyone would have a problem with me doing what is best for my baby’s health. I hope I have the YMCA’s support in this regard and that together we can turn a bad moment into progress that will help you better fulfill your admirable mission.

Thank you for your time,

And this was the response:

Thank you for your email. I apologize for the way you were treated in our lobby. Nursing moms are indeed welcome in all areas of our YMCA, and always have been. I will address this issue with my staff and correct any misconceptions.

We look forward to seeing you and your family again at our YMCA.

Thank you,

RissNRuss · November 2013

Your letter is amazing, so well written and eloquent.

Their response is probably CYA and just seems lazy. But then again, I'm not sure what a good response would be, you know? How do you say sorry for what happened beyond that bland, curt response?

[Deleted User] · November 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

riansmommie · November 2013

This May come across as a little devil advocacy but.... This day in age it seems that issues are responded to in the same way they are approached, I.e. Email with email response, text message with text message response and phone call with a phone call response. So that may be why you only got an email response back. Now with that being said I do feel that the apology email was abrupt and not sincere, maybe try calling so they can hear the tone in your voice about how much of a concern the issue is to you. You're definitely taking the correct steps though and I applaud you for being a voice in the matter of NIP.

* and I'm mobile so I'm sure that was scattered and jumbled but you get the idea.

lioness13 · November 2013

I second how amazingly well written that letter was! Good job!

I think the response was adequate. Not overly apologetic or sweet but just enough to acknowledge you and their actions. Not dismissive IMO. They can't erase what happened and how badly it made you feel. I think this is enough.

No longer the best · November 2013

That is a great letter you wrote!

I think I would give it a couple of days and see if anything else happens (you do receive a phone call an email etc) and if not I may just follow up and ask EXACTLY how the situation was remedied and what you can expect next time.

I don't know this story just makes my blood boil for you!

JANCANDANCE · November 2013

Absurd. Not only is the response letter dismissive, they didn't address any of your questions and concerns. I would continue to press the issue but I'm a biotch. Your letter was very appropriate and well written.

Murphie82 · November 2013

A) Your email is amazing.

The response is kind of crappy, but I agree that an email response to your email seems normal/reasonable. The response at least indicates that action will be taken.

C) The only way to tell if you're complaint is being blown off or not is to go back to the Y and breastfeed in the cafe area (or anywhere for that matter) again and see if someone asks you to move.

HeartLikeMine3 · November 2013

Your letter was beautiful. After writing something like that and hearing the hurt and disappointment in your words I feel like a phone call or more sincere apology would have been nice. But that was just one person reading it and they obviously aren't as passionate about breastfeeding as you (a mother who's currently nursing).I would try to move on and hope it doesn't happen again. HUGS

phishgirl29 · November 2013

Murphie82 said:

A) Your email is amazing.

The response is kind of crappy, but I agree that an email response to your email seems normal/reasonable. The response at least indicates that action will be taken.

C) The only way to tell if you're complaint is being blown off or not is to go back to the Y and breastfeed in the cafe area (or anywhere for that matter) again and see if someone asks you to move.

All this, and I would follow up with a phone call in a couple of days to "check in" on how they've been training their employees regarding nursing mothers. I'd let them know that the issue will not be dead until you see some changes.

KellenHi21 · November 2013

Your letter was amazing, their response- not so much. I'm glad they apologized but to me I would have expected something more, especially since you asked then to follow up with specifics. The apology seems general, and although I'm glad they understand what happened was wrong, I'm not convinced anything will be done about it.

nikel13 · November 2013

That was an amazing letter. You made points that can't be argued with. Their response was sucky at best. I'm not sure exactly what they should have said, but it seemed to be lacking. There was no plan in place to fix the situation for future mothers or yourself in future instances. It was definitely CYA.

needanustart · November 2013

Oh and for the record I actually signed a letter and attached it as a PDF and mailed it too. Part of me wanted to call but I wanted to be clear with my thoughts and emotions and not start crying.
I think I will probably follow up to see what exactly was done because I truly do want something tangible to come of this.
Thanks for all the support guys, this experience has been way harder than I imagined it would be on me!

WasNotWas · November 2013

I think your letter is brilliant. Maybe follow up in a week and ask about the progress in addressing the staff is going. You could even contact an LC and suggest the Y host a breastfeeding event of some sort. If you aren't satisfied with their response. I'd beat the horse until you are

lioness13 · November 2013

How could you see that anything has changed just by going there?

momofcatan · November 2013

lioness13 said:

I second how amazingly well written that letter was! Good job!

I think the response was adequate. Not overly apologetic or sweet but just enough to acknowledge you and their actions. Not dismissive IMO. They can't erase what happened and how badly it made you feel. I think this is enough.

This.

needanustart · November 2013

lioness13 said:
How could you see that anything has changed just by going there?

I can't. That's why I want the response to indicate what they plan on doing training wise to educate employees and protect other nursing mothers rights. I will still nurse in the cafe there but they would be complete morons if someone asked me to move again. I wanted my letter to read as though the next nursing mother I talk about could or would be me with the news crew and lawsuit!

ChristyD6 · November 2013

Great job!!

I also agree with pps that it was indeed a CYA letter bc that is what they needed to do. It is nice that you got a quick response but it had to be vague bc they have had no time to actually make a plan, let alone implement one or train staff. It would be perfectly reasonable of you to follow up again Ina couple weeks and ask about the staff training that was mentioned in the original response letter you received.

Again, great job on your letter!!

GalLaura · November 2013

adri823 said:
I am impressed with your tactful and well-written letter. If I were in your shoes I probably would have still been spewing anger. You really handled the whole situation admirably.

I would guess the recipient of your letter did an "Oh, shit" in their head and figured they had better quickly cover their ass. Honestly, since it is a potential legal issue, they might be instructed not to make further interactions beyond what they did to make sure nothing else gets said that could be used against them.

My thoughts exactly. There is a legal issue here. They can only say so much. I'm impressed they responded so quickly.

mrsmichigander · November 2013

You did an ammmmmazing job with your email! I have been super impressed at how you've handled this.

If you sent an email, I'd anticipate an email back, possibly with them offering to discuss it further.

As far as the cookie cutter response you got, I would have been pissssed!

A girl on your first thread that worked at a Y said to take it up with the board. I think I would send your letter & response to them for their review.

I could see the janitor being crass on handling what happened, but I wouldn't have expected the management not to majorly kiss your booty over this.

needanustart · November 2013

kdc2007 said:
I'm late to the party - how long after you sent the letter did you get a response? I'm just wondering if the response was done at the direction of their legal counsel.

Like two hours after. I should also add one of our best friends, who is an attorney, is also on their board. I am babysitting his son tomorrow so he may be getting an earful when he comes to pick him up. The funny thing is the first thing DH said was not to tell Scott because he would want to sue them and I had to remind him that Scott was on the board so that probably wouldn't work! Haha. His wife is also a nursing mom and I think he'll be a good person to take this up with and get the inside scoop.