Cry it Out :(

cbreef · November 2013

I know nobody likes this idea; I hate it. But what am I supposed to do when LO can not be satisfied? I can't hold her and let her scream at me for very long; it's too painful. She's usually screaming because she's tired, but won't sleep. Any suggestions here?

MommyAmes2 · November 2013

So, it would be less painful to not hold her while she is screaming?

girlmama83 · November 2013

This will go over well.

I don't understand how you can say it's too painful to hold her while she's screaming. I'm pretty sure that is less painful than listening to her scream all by herself.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2013

Have you tried warm baths? Driving with lo? White noise? Rocking? Having so hold lo and soothe? When my ds was inconsolible and not sleeping for days my sister came over and soothef him and got him to sleep.

Do not do cio your baby is too young for cio

cinderin · November 2013

My DS fights sleep for sure. We either rock him in our arms or in his swing. He likes that sleep suit. Much better than swaddling for him.

He definitely cries/fusses whether we are rocking him or he is in his swing.

I can tell the difference between his cries. His "fighting sleep" cry is different than his other ones.

When we first rocked him (in our arms in his swaddle) he would cry for up to 20 minutes. Now he is down to more like 5.

I don't know if there is a way to get him to sleep without crying. Sometimes I can nurse him to sleep (rare) and he will sometimes fall asleep in his car seat in the car.

What are you trying with your LO?

MitsB707 · November 2013

Go YouTube "baby got colic". Good luck.

nnikki10 · November 2013

Do you baby wear?? Try to get her to fall asleep while wearing her. If she is overtired try to do nothing for like a week and really pay attention to her and make sure she gets all her sleep in. I feel if dd doesn't get sleep on day it's like it rolls over into the next day.

cbreef · November 2013

Mind you, this is really only for day time naps. She sleeps well at night.

She hates to be swaddled. She fights being held. She doesn't want to walk around, ride in the car, go outside, sit in the chair, lay in the bed. She, literally, just wants to scream. Baths work for the duration of the bath. Once she's out, she's crying again. I don't feel like I'm really letting her CIO, but sometimes if I let her cry for about 5 minutes she falls asleep. Then she's asleep for maybe 20 minutes.

And really, they both make me feel horrible, but I do not leave my baby crying alone for more than 5 minutes (if that long). So please don't make me out to be some kind of monster.

MitsB707 · November 2013

cbreef said:
Mind you, this is really only for day time naps. She sleeps well at night.

She hates to be swaddled. She fights being held. She doesn't want to walk around, ride in the car, go outside, sit in the chair, lay in the bed. She, literally, just wants to scream. Baths work for the duration of the bath. Once she's out, she's crying again. I don't feel like I'm really letting her CIO, but sometimes if I let her cry for about 5 minutes she falls asleep. Then she's asleep for maybe 20 minutes.

And really, they both make me feel horrible, but I do not leave my baby crying alone for more than 5 minutes (if that long). So please don't make me out to be some kind of monster.

Crying alone for 5 minutes is 5 minutes too long.

Revez · November 2013

I'm so confused. It's too painful to hold your screaming baby? So you'd rather she screamed behind a closed door alone?I honestly would stay up for 3 days with my screaming baby rather than let her do it alone (BTDT).

NEVER give up! Keep trying different things. I've found taking a warm bath with her really seems to calm her down. Sticking to a routine has been really helpful as well. White noise is fantastic. She usually has to be nursed to sleep. Like PP have said, once she starts showing signs of being tired it's too late and I prepare myself for a fight. Try to get to your LO before she gets tired. Good luck, but please, please don't leave her alone to CIO. She needs your help to relax, not just exhaust herself to sleep.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2013

cbreef said:
Mind you, this is really only for day time naps. She sleeps well at night.

She hates to be swaddled. She fights being held. She doesn't want to walk around, ride in the car, go outside, sit in the chair, lay in the bed. She, literally, just wants to scream. Baths work for the duration of the bath. Once she's out, she's crying again. I don't feel like I'm really letting her CIO, but sometimes if I let her cry for about 5 minutes she falls asleep. Then she's asleep for maybe 20 minutes.

And really, they both make me feel horrible, but I do not leave my baby crying alone for more than 5 minutes (if that long). So please don't make me out to be some kind of monster.

Actually no one was trying to make you out to be a monster. And honestly i have to wear ds fo him to take naps. Your lo might be getting ver stimulated if you are trying everything simultaniously

BellaOso · November 2013

My LO was like this yesterday. Here is what I did:

1. changed diaper
2. changed clothes in case something was irritating her
3. offered her food
4. tried the bouncy with the vibrating seat off
5. with vibrating seat on
6. sleep suit on
7. sleep suit off
8. shush, swaddle, sway
9. warm bath
10. walk outside
11. stare out the window at the tree
12. tv on
13. tv off
14. kick and play mat
15. in her swing side to side
16. in her swing up and down
17. kissy faces on the bed
18. kissy faces in my nursing chair
19. sitting in the RNP while I tried to do the dishes
20. DH doing all of the above
21. flat on her back in the PNP
22. on an incline in her PNP
23. vacuumed while holding her
24. vacuumed while she was in her swing (this is what ultimately got her calm)
25. played with Captain Calamari and Mortimer Moose.
26. bit my finger... for like an hour
27. bit her bug teething ring, for like an hour while I held it

Many of these things I tried multiple times.

My normally great napper only slept about 40 min from 7 am yesterday until 9 pm last night. This kid normally takes 3-4 naps a day with at least 2 being over 2 hours. It was awful. And while there was one point where I took a 4 min break to gather my thoughts, I did not let her CIO. I just rolled with it. When she had colic the first few weeks, there were times when I would hold her and rock her for an hour while she wailed at me, and I would just hold her and rock and sing to her and then DH would take over and do the same until she finally fell asleep.

I suggest that if you feel like you can't tough it out today, that you maybe call a friend or family member to come rock LO through the tears. My dad always reminds me that when I am at the end of my rope, he can come at her with a fresh level of understanding because he isn't dealing with it everyday, so he doesn't mind the wailing baby a bit.

It may just be an f-ed up day. It may be LO way of dealing with a new skill she learned or is working on. After yesterday, today my little one can suddenly use her hands super well. It's weird, like she is crazy good at holding stuff now. After her craptastic day yesterday, she slept from 9:00 am - 1:00 pm today even with DD1 being a crazy monkey.

Don't let her CIO but it is okay to walk away for a few minutes to get some perspective.

BlondieBia21 · November 2013

cbreef said:

I know nobody likes this idea; I hate it. But what am I supposed to do when LO can not be satisfied? I can't hold her and let her scream at me for very long; it's too painful. She's usually screaming because she's tired, but won't sleep. Any suggestions here?

Don't think about you. It's not about you anymore, it's all about her. You think it's painful for her to yell at you? Imagine how she will feel when you set her down to lay there and cry all by herself.

Suggestions-

bath, sing her a song, make funny noises, walk around, wear her, change her outfit, maybe she's hot/cold, gas drops, baby got colic, any music, try holding her in a different position, try a swing, try a bouncer, go outside, wrap her in a blankie, skin to skin, go for a car ride.

Basically, you do whatever it takes to make your baby happy. If you have to walk away, set her down for a minute, go in a quiet room and regroup yourself, and go back. Ultimately, do not get frustrated with her. Everything she is experiencing is new, YOU are the only person she truly knows. Remember that she can feel your stress and will feed off of it so try to remain as calm as possible.

cinderin · November 2013

cbreef said:
Mind you, this is really only for day time naps. She sleeps well at night.

She hates to be swaddled. She fights being held. She doesn't want to walk around, ride in the car, go outside, sit in the chair, lay in the bed. She, literally, just wants to scream. Baths work for the duration of the bath. Once she's out, she's crying again. I don't feel like I'm really letting her CIO, but sometimes if I let her cry for about 5 minutes she falls asleep. Then she's asleep for maybe 20 minutes.

And really, they both make me feel horrible, but I do not leave my baby crying alone for more than 5 minutes (if that long). So please don't make me out to be some kind of monster.

20 minutes isn't very long.

Is LO getting enough to eat?

Have you tried having LO sleep in different spots? Like a swing or car seat? We used to swing DS in his car seat, he liked that (but would cry for a while -10 minutes? While we were swinging him).

Did you get a baby Merlin magic sleep suit? It works well for DS.

Also - as the pp mentioned, we have to put him down at the first sign he is tired (or before). The more tired, the more fight. Also as the pp mentioned, if he doesn't get as much sleep as he needs, he is a grump and I need to make sure he gets more the next day.

cinderin · November 2013

BellaOso said:
My LO was like this yesterday. Here is what I did:

1. changed diaper
2. changed clothes in case something was irritating her
3. offered her food
4. tried the bouncy with the vibrating seat off
5. with vibrating seat on
6. sleep suit on
7. sleep suit off
8. shush, swaddle, sway
9. warm bath
10. walk outside
11. stare out the window at the tree
12. tv on
13. tv off
14. kick and play mat
15. in her swing side to side
16. in her swing up and down
17. kissy faces on the bed
18. kissy faces in my nursing chair
19. sitting in the RNP while I tried to do the dishes
20. DH doing all of the above
21. flat on her back in the PNP
22. on an incline in her PNP
23. vacuumed while holding her
24. vacuumed while she was in her swing (this is what ultimately got her calm)
25. played with Captain Calamari and Mortimer Moose.
26. bit my finger... for like an hour
27. bit her bug teething ring, for like an hour while I held it

Many of these things I tried multiple times.

My normally great napper only slept about 40 min from 7 am yesterday until 9 pm last night. This kid normally takes 3-4 naps a day with at least 2 being over 2 hours. It was awful. And while there was one point where I took a 4 min break to gather my thoughts, I did not let her CIO. I just rolled with it. When she had colic the first few weeks, there were times when I would hold her and rock her for an hour while she wailed at me, and I would just hold her and rock and sing to her and then DH would take over and do the same until she finally fell asleep.

I suggest that if you feel like you can't tough it out today, that you maybe call a friend or family member to come rock LO through the tears. My dad always reminds me that when I am at the end of my rope, he can come at her with a fresh level of understanding because he isn't dealing with it everyday, so he doesn't mind the wailing baby a bit.

It may just be an f-ed up day. It may be LO way of dealing with a new skill she learned or is working on. After yesterday, today my little one can suddenly use her hands super well. It's weird, like she is crazy good at holding stuff now. After her craptastic day yesterday, she slept from 9:00 am - 1:00 pm today even with DD1 being a crazy monkey.

Don't let her CIO but it is okay to walk away for a few minutes to get some perspective.

When it is REALLY rough (usually an hour or more of crying). We go for a car ride. Even if he cries for most of it, it gives me a little break. I drive for 15 minutes with the music on, get a hot chocolate, drive back. Usually it calms DS, but even if it doesn't, it is a nice break for me and a nice change of scenery.

cinderin · November 2013

I forgot! Another thing I will do to calm DS when he is hysterical (he got shots yesterday so he was hysterical for the evening - poor guy!). Is skin to skin. Strip him down to his diaper. I take my shirt off and hold him while I walk around, or I dance and sing to him. It helps.

Sometimes taking him outside for a minute (usually we get the mail) helps too. When the weather was better I put him in the front pack and we walked around the neighborhood. Now that it is cold and wet, I put him in the front pack and walk around somewhere inside (the mall usually).

BelhurstBride · November 2013

Simultaneous bouncing, shushing and swaying is my go-to when dealing with an overtired, overstimulated, sleep fighting and screaming baby.

Our LOs are also mostly at the peak of PURPLE crying.

https://purplecrying.info/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying.php

AprilRaine · November 2013

Not sure if it's a total fluke or not, but the past 2 nights a little foot massage with baby Vicks and then sockies on has knocked DS right out (and he's a sparkler ;-) ).
There's a ton you could be trying instead of just letting her cry. Plus It's probably more painful to be the one crying than to be the one hearing it. Get some headphones and hum along while holding/rocking her if that's what needs to happen.

RoosterMemphis · November 2013

She's not screaming at you. She's just aggravated and this is how she blows off steam. Just keep holding her and try to soothe her.

BellaOso · November 2013

AprilRaine said:

Not sure if it's a total fluke or not, but the past 2 nights a little foot massage with baby Vicks and then sockies on has knocked DS right out (and he's a sparkler ;-) ). There's a ton you could be trying instead of just letting her cry. Plus It's probably more painful to be the one crying than to be the one hearing it. Get some headphones and hum along while holding/rocking her if that's what needs to happen.

Writing this down to try on my "sparkler".

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2013

There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

RoosterMemphis said:
She's not screaming at you. She's just aggravated and this is how she blows off steam. Just keep holding her and try to soothe her.

This.
Me and dh were just talking about how we calm lo when crying I told him he was getting fussy and asked him what he does. Try these
Sing him some hank
Side step around the coffee table
Spin in circles while walking around the coffee table
Do some squats around the house
Dance in the kitchen and sing more hank

Let me tell you this it felt good to sing some hank, and these crazy things do work.

1078 · November 2013

When my LO breaks into the inconsolable cry I have found that the bathroom fan, hair dryer and vacuum work. (I saw you said the vacuum worked).

I agree to watch for the tired cues. My LO only stays awake for an hour and a half at most after waking.

Good luck! I hope this turns around for you soon.

Carnation77 · November 2013

What is your gut telling you? If you truly believe your LO just needs to cry out her frustration/over stimulation to go to sleep, and does better doing that without you holding her, then that's what you need to do. I think that's a bit unusual but it's certainly possible. Some babies just don't like to be held.

I dance to classical music with my son when he's really exhausted and just crying himself to sleep. Thank God I took ballroom dance in college! It works for him, but each baby is different. You need to figure out what works for yours.

LJUTCMommy · November 2013

There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!

Damn Cali. You're not going soft on us are you? ;-)

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2013

LJUTCMommy said:

CaliforniaDream87 said:
There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!
Damn Cali. You're not going soft on us are you? ;-)

@LJUTCMOMMY you know , I do have a soft side. Especially now that I'm a mommy. However, some people don't deserve to see that side

LJUTCMommy · November 2013

CaliforniaDream87 said:

LJUTCMommy said:

CaliforniaDream87 said:
There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!
Damn Cali. You're not going soft on us are you? ;-)
@LJUTCMOMMY you know , I do have a soft side. Especially now that I'm a mommy. However, some people don't deserve to see that side

I was literally thinking "motherhood sure has softened Cali." Lol.

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2013

LJUTCMommy said:

CaliforniaDream87 said:

LJUTCMommy said:

CaliforniaDream87 said:
There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!
Damn Cali. You're not going soft on us are you? ;-)
@LJUTCMOMMY you know , I do have a soft side. Especially now that I'm a mommy. However, some people don't deserve to see that side
I was literally thinking "motherhood sure has softened Cali." Lol.

Same thing my mom tells me lol.

AprilRaine · November 2013

BellaOso said:

AprilRaine said:

Not sure if it's a total fluke or not, but the past 2 nights a little foot massage with baby Vicks and then sockies on has knocked DS right out (and he's a sparkler ;-) ).
There's a ton you could be trying instead of just letting her cry. Plus It's probably more painful to be the one crying than to be the one hearing it. Get some headphones and hum along while holding/rocking her if that's what needs to happen.

Writing this down to try on my "sparkler".

Just now worked again tonight! He let out a big fart and poof, asleep. Feet are magical!

BlueJewelM · November 2013

CaliforniaDream87 said:
There are lots of great tips in this post OP. I know it's frustrating when baby is so upset and you can't figure out why. You're not alone there. Hope some of these tips help you!

Love this response.

OP It's so frustrating when you are giving your all to LO and nothing is soothing them! Remember it's okay to set them down in a safe place and take a few breaths! I remember around 9 weeks I had to do that a few times. Just taking a minute to go to the bathroom and regroup for a minute helped get through some tough spots!

This too shall pass!

BuckyC · November 2013

Here are some things that work for my guy that I don't think have been mentioned yet:

1. Holding his hand and rubbing it
2. Rubbing/Caressing his leg or arm
3. Putting him in the bathroom and running a bath - I also turn on the jets in the spa tub
4. Turning the shower on
5. Playing one of his favorite songs - currently Paul Simon's "The Obvious Child" is his fave. He loves the rhythm.

Good luck!

magdalina.h · November 2013

When Alexis gets over stimulated/exhausted she'll freak out. I take her to a dark room, hold her tight while swaying and shushing her. She's usually out pretty quickly.

kristykay123 · November 2013

@bellaoso ::starts slow clap:: =D>

CourtJack · November 2013

Sorry you're going through this

I have had huge success with white noise. I think someone above mentioned trying it, just make sure it is LOUD. Those sleep sheep are b/s and don't work as white noise (IMO).

Also, I'm echoing the pp's who said that it's ok to set LO down to go regroup and calm down. I know all too well the feeling of being on the verge of losing my shit b/c she just.won't.stop.crying. And yes, rationally I know that she's crying b/c she's frustrated, tired, overtired, etc...and I know she can't help it and I know she's not doing it to make me upset - but in the actual moment of her screaming bloody murder, those sentiments really do dick all for keeping me from losing it. Props to moms who are able to stay level headed and calm through those moments, but I'm not one of 'em. I have had to put her down for a few minutes, go to my room, punch my pillow, scream into my pillow and then go back and try round 2. So, don't feel bad. You're doing the best you can, you're trying to be the best mom you can. Babies cry and sometimes it's too much to handle.

But, to help maybe solve your problem, in addition to the white noise, is to start keeping a log and watching for her tiredness cues. Even if she doesn't appear tired, go put her down anyways. And I know you said she hates the swaddle, but maybe try a different one. White noise, swaddle, swinging...bring 'em all out and try them together. Good luck op. I really hope you find something that works.

Michelle N · November 2013

Just a tip to add: when my LO is over tired, I lay him down in my bed beside me, tap his bum, and put my cheek on his forehead and "shhh" him.

PrimRoseMama · November 2013

cbreef said:

Mind you, this is really only for day time naps. She sleeps well at night.

She hates to be swaddled. She fights being held. She doesn't want to walk around, ride in the car, go outside, sit in the chair, lay in the bed. She, literally, just wants to scream. Baths work for the duration of the bath. Once she's out, she's crying again. I don't feel like I'm really letting her CIO, but sometimes if I let her cry for about 5 minutes she falls asleep. Then she's asleep for maybe 20 minutes.

And really, they both make me feel horrible, but I do not leave my baby crying alone for more than 5 minutes (if that long). So please don't make me out to be some kind of monster.

It sounds to me like baby is overtired. Try this experiment. After 45 minutes try to put her for a nap. Don't let 45 minutes go by without an attempt. Some say 90 but 45 minutes is all my son lasts and his sister lasted less (30 minutes).

Once they reach that threshold they lose their minds and almost nothing will help. I've been where you are. However, you need to hold your child no matter how painful it is. Yes, they will scream and fight you. You can see that this method, even though you are at the end of your rope, is not effective. Baby only sleeps 20 minutes. Odds are that is not restful sleep.

I don't think you are a monster. I think you are a worn out mom without respite. You aren't alone. Keep trying, but don't let your baby CIO a bunch. Take a break if you need it, but as soon as you are put together then go in and try again.

I promise you are not alone. It does get better. As your kid deafens you with screeching and flailing just remember IT DOES GET BETTER!

nurseclare9 · November 2013

When this happens sometimes I just put him in his swing with white noise and lights down and within 30 sec he is out. If that doesn't work or he isn't at least calming down I pick him back up and try something else

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