- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
LGBT Parenting
doodah1013
member
So much heartbreak...
doodah1013
member
Well... After 11 months and 8 tries we got another BFN this morning. I don't think devastation can even begin to describe our feelings.
I feel like we are constantly grieving... There is just no logic to it... And we are scared and our hope tank (and our bank account) are getting low.
This cycle was a the worst. We had to have 2 baseline ultrasounds which was hard... When we went in for the IUI the midwife started to perform the procedure before realizing she didn't know what the office had done with the sperm, and I had little hope to start out with. Then my period was late... And my temps stayed high (they are still high)... So we let ourselves hope. Of course this all came crashing down this morning.
We just don't know how much more we can take. I am tired of watching people get pregnant who aren't trying (we have been doing volunteer work for a homeless shelter and it is devastating). On top of this we don't know what to do next... We can't decide whether to switch to an RE, even though it will be more expensive, if I should give up my dream job so we can save up for IVF, or where to even start.
Guess we are just looking for hopes, prayers (if that's your thing) and suppport. We are really hurting and don't know where to turn.
I feel like we are constantly grieving... There is just no logic to it... And we are scared and our hope tank (and our bank account) are getting low.
This cycle was a the worst. We had to have 2 baseline ultrasounds which was hard... When we went in for the IUI the midwife started to perform the procedure before realizing she didn't know what the office had done with the sperm, and I had little hope to start out with. Then my period was late... And my temps stayed high (they are still high)... So we let ourselves hope. Of course this all came crashing down this morning.
We just don't know how much more we can take. I am tired of watching people get pregnant who aren't trying (we have been doing volunteer work for a homeless shelter and it is devastating). On top of this we don't know what to do next... We can't decide whether to switch to an RE, even though it will be more expensive, if I should give up my dream job so we can save up for IVF, or where to even start.
Guess we are just looking for hopes, prayers (if that's your thing) and suppport. We are really hurting and don't know where to turn.
Baby Hayden Frances born 12/20/14 at 11:11 a.m... Our perfect little miracle. Here's how we got here:
My lovely wife:
5 IUI's January 2013-June 2013- 3 Cycles with Clomid- BFN
Myself: Genderqueer guy who hopped in the driver's seat of the baby making train
IUI #6- 7/23- Monitored and Trigger on Day 12, with one 16mm follicle and one 18mm follicle- BFN
IUI #7- 8/21- Not monitored, 50mg Clomid- BFN
September and October: Missed Cycles due to vacation and a Half Marathon
IUI #8- Monitored and triggered on day 15, with one 23x18mm follicle- BFN on 11/19/2013
December: Moved onto to see an RE to make a good plan.
IUI #9- 1/1/2014 Natural Cycle, BFP on 1/15/2014, 6W Ultra-Sound Reveals nothing in Gestation Sack... Natural M/C at 7W, 2/3/2014
IUI #10 3/21/2014- Natural Cycle- BFP on 4/1/2014 (please don't be an April Fools. Beta #1 13dpiui- 48, Beta #2 16dpiui- 416, Beta #3 1018...
1st Ultrasound- 4/22/2014- 6w4d HB- 134!
Check out my Blog at: http://pregnantboithinksoutloud.blogspot.com/
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So much heartbreak...
Oh @doodah103 and @firstcomeslove, I am so incredibly sorry and sad to hear this. You both have been through so much on this journey, and this just isn't fair. There are no other words. Right now the comfort you need can't come from words from me or anyone else here really... just reach out and hold each other and be strong for one another and take the time you need to grieve this unsuccessful attempt.
When you are ready to think about what is next, I woulld recommend making an appointment with a RE. An initial appointment should not cost you much/or anyting other than a specialist co-pay depending on your insurance. Have either of you had an HSG or other diagnostic testing (I'm sorry, I can't remember)?
Also, not that I am trying to push IVF on anyone, b/c I know it is a huge a difficult step to take... but you might be surprised about the cost. You have likely already paid the cost of a fresh cycle in what you have spent on IUIs, meds, sperm, etc. so far. It may still not be an option, or the route that you want to take, but meeting with a RE and the financial counselor at the RE's office is the only way you will get real data about what your options might look at should you decide to explore that path...
But all of this aside, I am truly so sorry that you are hurting right now. Sending you lots of warm, healing thoughts and big virtual hugs.
Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012
5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN
Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer! *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581 *********William George born June 4, 2014*********Baby Oliver born 11/27/13
TTC stats with donor sperm...
IUI #1 with trigger, 1/4/13 - BFN
IUI #2 with trigger, 2/1/13 BFN
IUI #3 with tigger, 2/28/12 BFP EDD 11/21/13
I echo the responses from PP, maybe its time for an appointment with an RE and perhaps IVF is a route to consider? EV and I went a less traditional route with a known donor and fresh sperm. For us it really worked and I'd be happy to tell you both more if its something you want to consider. Whichever direction you choose I will be cheering you on from the sidelines!! The path to our families is so challenging.. it's really not fair. I hope that fate has it in the cards for you to get to start yours soon.
I am so sorry
Married to M and proud mothers to Olivia and Elise (8/19/2014) and to our fur-babies: Capone (pitbull), Jax and Atticus (cats)
I would also suggest a visit with a RE when you both are ready. We started with a RE and are very glad we did. I had three failed IUIs. I updated on my situation in the good luck thread. If I wasn't seeing a RE, I wouldn't have had the surgery and wouldn't know that there was a reason we have been unsuccessful so far. I'm very thankful to have done this after only three failed attempts. It is very possible that something like this could be the case for either of you as well. Something that is fixable that could enable either of you to get pregnant after all.
Me: 30 DW (aka C): 29
Together since 2/15/11 ~ Legally married in NY on 9/29/12
***CP mentioned***
We've been working on baby #1 since July 2013 using Open ID donor sperm. 8 IUI attempts with 5 actual IUIs and one chemical pregnancy. We have one fresh IVF cycle under our belts as well as a FET. I have endometriosis and a uterine septum that was corrected via surgery in November 2013.
11/14/14 - Second HSG shows that tubes are still clear and ute is looking good.
12/6/14 - Started BCPs in prep for IVF #2
12/22/14 - Saline u/s and endometrial scratch (All was clear and OUCH!)
1/2/15 - Began stimming for IVF #2
****All Welcome!****
We are Mommas to four fur babies - 3 dogs and 1 cat.
We are looking into our options and are planning a sit down consultation with our midwife (the only provider we like at the practice) to voice some frustrations and see if we have any other options to pursue.
We then plan to begin seeing an RE in January (as it will be a new deductible year for insurance). I am sure my crappy non-profit insurance won't cover much, but every little bit helps. We are also looking into medical loan options and financing.
We are also joining a grief support group at church to help deal with our hopelessness. We will survive this. Like @2mamazseattle said the other day "the only way there is through" and I think we have been through enough. But it isn't our time yet, for whatever reason.
Thanks for listening. We love you guys.
Baby Hayden Frances born 12/20/14 at 11:11 a.m... Our perfect little miracle. Here's how we got here:
My lovely wife:
5 IUI's January 2013-June 2013- 3 Cycles with Clomid- BFN
Myself: Genderqueer guy who hopped in the driver's seat of the baby making train
IUI #6- 7/23- Monitored and Trigger on Day 12, with one 16mm follicle and one 18mm follicle- BFN
IUI #7- 8/21- Not monitored, 50mg Clomid- BFN
September and October: Missed Cycles due to vacation and a Half Marathon
IUI #8- Monitored and triggered on day 15, with one 23x18mm follicle- BFN on 11/19/2013
December: Moved onto to see an RE to make a good plan.
IUI #9- 1/1/2014 Natural Cycle, BFP on 1/15/2014, 6W Ultra-Sound Reveals nothing in Gestation Sack... Natural M/C at 7W, 2/3/2014
IUI #10 3/21/2014- Natural Cycle- BFP on 4/1/2014 (please don't be an April Fools. Beta #1 13dpiui- 48, Beta #2 16dpiui- 416, Beta #3 1018...
1st Ultrasound- 4/22/2014- 6w4d HB- 134!
Check out my Blog at: http://pregnantboithinksoutloud.blogspot.com/
I agree - the only way out is through, but you indeed have been through enough.
I echo the other IVF'ers here in saying that, despite the cost, it may be totally worth it to consider IVF when you compare it to the cost of a zillion inseminations. Money sucks, but you are young and you will recover. The point is - and this is the OLD lady on the board talking - if I could go back to being your age and put myself $20K in debt and have a baby - I'd know that today, I'd be out of debt with a 12-year-old. The money will work itself out - you are both capable and will make it work. Just my two cents, don't let money be the thing that holds you back when you can likely make it work. It's funny - no one thinks anything of getting a $20K car and paying it off over 5 years, but they'll wait to save up for IVF. Just a perspective to ponder. I think a visit to an RE and perhaps considering IVF is the right next step - meanwhile, I'm so sorry you are sad and hurting. And, deep down, I really do know it'll be ok for you - so hang in there. Lots of love.
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
I'm sending you both lots of love and supportive vibes. Feel free to hit me up here or facebook if either of you wants to chat.
XOX
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
We love you guys!
Queer coupled and having a BABY with the love of my life! Love my life and wouldn't have it any other way!
First IUI 1/22/2013 BFN: 2/7/2013, Second IUI 2/21/2013 BFN: 3/9/2013, Third IUI 4/23/2013 BFN: 5/8/2013, Fourth IUI 5/24/2013 BFN: 6/7/2013, Fifth IUI 6/24/2013 BFN: 7/8/2013
C began IUI's
7/23/2013 C's first IUI BFN, 8/21/2013 C's second IUI BFN , Took a break in September and October, 11/05/2013 C's 3rd IUI (TWW...we meet again...) BFN, Took off the month to switch to an RE. 01/01/2014 C's 4th IUI...BFP!!!!!!!! Beta #1- 17, Beta #2- 34, Beta #3-140.... 6W Ultra-Sound Reveals nothing in Gestation Sack... Natural M/C at 7W, 2/3/2014
03/21/2014 IUI #10...BFP!!! Beta #1- 48, Beta #2- 416, Beta #3- 1018. GROW BABY GROW!!!
1st Ultrasound 4/22/2014 Baby Squints is PERFECT! Measuring at 6w2d with a heartbeat of 129. EDD: 12/12/14.
Ultrasound at 18 weeks on 7/14/2014. Baby is healthy and growing just as she should!
Check out my blog at: http://journeytoparenthoodandmakingmilk.blogspot.com/