WWYD? Watching LO (long)

thoughtfulmommy · November 2013

I mentioned on thankful Tuesday post that my parents are divorced. I do not get along very well with my step mom. She never had her own children and is a bit of a loose canon when anxious or upset.

This morning my dad caught me off guard and asked of she could watch LO. I brushed him off. This afternoon he told me she WILl watch him when we go Christmas shopping with my sisters Ina few weeks (a yearly tradition).

Now I don't know what to do. I know he wants her to feel included as a grandmother but I don't really want her learning how to take cre of a baby and practicing on my DS. I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings but because he won't be there to help I am not comfortable.

I have had a sick feeling in my stomach since talking to him this afternoon.

What would you do? How would you approach them in telling them no?

TeacherMom210 · November 2013

The fact that you said your father said that your step mother WILL watch your LO really bothers me (unless I misread that). People can want to be involved with your LO, but ultimately it's your decision about who will and won't be involved and the extent to which they will be involved. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your LO with your step mother, don't do it. You can take him along, as suggested above, or find alternate arrangements and tell your dad that you already made plans. I've gone through this with family-related childcare arrangements, and I can honestly say that you need to trust your gut.

V&G101808 · November 2013

If you're uncomfortable, speak up. I like PPers idea of telling him you want to include LO.

BUT just because she doesn't have kids of her own doesn't mean she doesn't know how to take care of one... just sayin'. Maybe she has taken care of nieces/nephews in the past? I'm not siding with her or your dad but making sure all sides of the story are uncovered.

youtubebeauties · November 2013

Seems to me your Dad is trying to control the situation & you are allowing it...

if it were me, I'd remind him LO is *your* child - you are the mommy, so you decide who does/doesn't get to watch LO. I'd let him know you understand he wants your stepmom to be involved, but this isn't the most appropriate way. Why not invite her to go shopping, leave your Dad home with LO? That way, you're including her in your activities, she won't feel left out, you have someone you trust to watch LO, and your Dad feels validated that you want to include stepmom. Everyone wins.

BlondieBia21 · November 2013

Lo is your child. No one can tell you who will take care of your child. Id not address that you're not comfortable with it, I'd just say you plan on including lo in the tradition.

amandarins · November 2013

Nope, just nope. I have had no problem telling MIL and SIL that I wouldn't leave DS alone with FIL since he's never even held him for more than 5 minutes. There's nothing wrong with that, you're the mom, nobody needs to take it personally or make it all about themselves. There are other ways for her to be involved without babysitting.

amandarins · November 2013

If you want to compromise, can you tell your dad that you would like step mom to spend the day watching LO with you so that she can get to know LO before she's left unassisted? She may not want to after that...

lkobriant · November 2013

Nope, just nope. If you don't want her watching him then she shouldn't be watching him. End of story.

thoughtfulmommy · November 2013

It's so difficult because this is an issue we've had with my dad and step mom since they married over ten years ago. They are both a bit delusional and I think my dad thinks throwing her into t will help her learn how to take care of a newborn.

My dad is just fragile so I don't want to come out and tell them why I am uncomfortable because I don't want to isolate them.

I think I will just take LO with me and have the discussion with them and my DH another time.

I'm getting a Tula in the mail tomorrow so I will use that as an excuse to practice wearing him.

Thanks for all the suggestions and input.

My MIL is normal but I can share tons of crazy step mom stories.

BellaOso · November 2013

I would tell my dad to stuff it.

My attitude at this point is - I made her, I make the choices until she can. Anyone who has any "demands" they want to put on me or my daughters can kiss my big, white, backside.

I wouldn't even explain it. I would just say, "About that? No." Anyone who gives me attitude? Guess what? Less time with the girls, always supervised until you figure out who calls the shots. This is how I got my dad to stop driving with his dogs loose in the car and to stop talking on the phone while driving.

Enjeneer · November 2013

I think we have the same stepmom lol! I've been avoiding her watching LO alone by only asking them to babysit when both she AND my dad are home. At least that way she's learning how to care for an infant but my dad is there to help her. Maybe, if you're comfortable with it, you can do something similar which eases her into it but without leaving her alone with LO

PB102012 · November 2013

V&G101808 said:
If you're uncomfortable, speak up. I like PPers idea of telling him you want to include LO.

BUT just because she doesn't have kids of her own doesn't mean she doesn't know how to take care of one... just sayin'. Maybe she has taken care of nieces/nephews in the past? I'm not siding with her or your dad but making sure all sides of the story are uncovered.

This.... If your LO is the first baby she would be taking care of ever, then I would say absolutely not. If she has experience, then I would consider it... However, her short fuse would need to be addressed as well because infants require a ton of patience (children in general I guess). We wouldn't want her being anxious or short fused with lo.

thoughtfulmommy · November 2013

christy32685 said:

V&G101808 said:
If you're uncomfortable, speak up. I like PPers idea of telling him you want to include LO.

BUT just because she doesn't have kids of her own doesn't mean she doesn't know how to take care of one... just sayin'. Maybe she has taken care of nieces/nephews in the past? I'm not siding with her or your dad but making sure all sides of the story are uncovered.
This.... If your LO is the first baby she would be taking care of ever, then I would say absolutely not. If she has experience, then I would consider it... However, her short fuse would need to be addressed as well because infants require a ton of patience (children in general I guess). We wouldn't want her being anxious or short fused with lo.

This is the main problem. I am sure she has anxiety issues that my dad has not shared with us. When we were younger she lost it at numerous service people in front of us. I was very uncomfortable and said I would never put my own children through that stress. My LO hates to nap and cries a lot. It is stressful for me and DH who know how to calm him. I know she could not handle it and her stress would cause LO to cry more.

PB102012 · November 2013

Natalie2167 said:

christy32685 said:

V&G101808 said:
If you're uncomfortable, speak up. I like PPers idea of telling him you want to include LO.

BUT just because she doesn't have kids of her own doesn't mean she doesn't know how to take care of one... just sayin'. Maybe she has taken care of nieces/nephews in the past? I'm not siding with her or your dad but making sure all sides of the story are uncovered.
This.... If your LO is the first baby she would be taking care of ever, then I would say absolutely not. If she has experience, then I would consider it... However, her short fuse would need to be addressed as well because infants require a ton of patience (children in general I guess). We wouldn't want her being anxious or short fused with lo.

This is the main problem. I am sure she has anxiety issues that my dad has not shared with us. When we were younger she lost it at numerous service people in front of us. I was very uncomfortable and said I would never put my own children through that stress. My LO hates to nap and cries a lot. It is stressful for me and DH who know how to calm him. I know she could not handle it and her stress would cause LO to cry more.

Then I would absolutely not allow her to stay with your LO. Your child, your choice. You have witnessed her behavior around children first hand, and your Dad has to respect that.

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WWYD? Watching LO (long)

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