Is it reasonable to try to meet with kindergarten teacher?

sunnydays99 · November 2013

DS has a November birthday and our school district cut off for kindergarten is December 31st. So he can start kindergarten next fall when he's still 4 or I can hold him back and send him when he's 5 (he'll turn 6 two months into the school year that way). I'm really torn about what I should do. I feel like he would be fine going to kindergarten but his preschool teachers recommend holding kids back if they have a late birthday like that.

Would it be reasonable to meet with a district kindergarten teacher to discuss this and see what they recommend? Or would that make me "that mom"?!?!

I'm pretty sure that when he's 20 I'm still going to be wondering if I made the right decision! Lol

CD+AL · November 2013

It wouldn't hurt to call the school and get their recommendations for kindergarten readiness skills. You may also be able to attend kindergarten round-up this spring, and that's a great chance to ask lots of questions, meet the teachers, introduce your DS to the teachers, etc.

I do think you should really take the advice of his preschool teachers very seriously. They know your DS best (in an educational setting), and the kindergarten teachers won't know him at all. Personally, I think 4 is too young for kindergarten and really unusual nowadays, and turning 6 in November is totally normal.

74dragonfly · November 2013

I too would find out about kindergarten readiness skills.
My DD is a Jan baby so she turns 6 soon after school starts but I think it wil be good. Academically I think she do fine it is the social emotional. There is a huge difference between 4 and 5. Many moms I know, especially with boys, wait aka red shirt them. My mom regrets not doing that with my brother. It is pretty common to hold back kids on the cusp of the cut off. If you don't your son might be with a whole lot of 6 year old when he is 5.

funchicken · November 2013

I think you could schedule a meeting with someone at the school (maybe not a teacher) and tour or just ask your school for a kindergarten info packet to start. My sister is currently checking out the kindie programs at a few different schools near her because they are going to try to send their son to one that is outside of their district. Our school also has quarterly curriculum goals available online--yours might, too.

We have half-day kindie, so I don't think red-shirting is as prevalent where we live as it is in some other areas. Although my pediatrician told me she decided to hold her DD back (she would have been in DD1's kindie class) because her birthday was right before the cut-off, and she didn't feel she was ready.

I also think you should talk to the preschool teacher about your child specifically. I don't think that they should just have a blanket policy of recommending red-shirting for all kids with late birthdays--that's kind of what it sounded like from your post.

Edit: to clarify

rsd12 · November 2013

We moved recently, and our previous location had a dec 31st cutoff as well. I knew I was going to hold back my dec 26 boy and was almost positive I was going to hold back my late September son too. Since we moved this is no longer an issue since the cutoff is September 1. They have/will start on time. My now kindergartner would not have been ready a year ago... His preschool dis not believe in holding kids back but agreed with me at the time.

neverblushed · November 2013

Hi there -- lurker mom from school aged kids board.

I think you should definitely meet with a kindergarten teacher at the elementary school where he would attend.

FWIW, I have two kids with birthdays close to the cutoff, which for my state is 8/31, so I've had to make this decision twice. I started my DD on time, even though she was among the very youngest in her grade. With DS, it was pretty clear that he needed to wait. Both of my kids were really bright and well-behaved at age 5. Both could read before starting kindergarten.

For me it came down to a quality I call "with-it-ness." DD had it at 4; DS didn't until he was closer to 5 1/2.

"With-it-ness" is the quality that allows children to do the following things:

-- remember where their classroom is within the school.

-- recognize and remember who their specials teachers are, even though they only see that teacher once a week.

-- recognize and remember names of other kids in your class

-- listen to announcements over the PA, including when your bus number is called

-- understand that fire drills are drills

-- open all lunch containers and drink boxes independently

-- pay attention on the bus ride home and actually get off at your bus stop

-- know what to do if you really have to pee and the door of the bathroom is stuck

-- self-monitor enough to ask to go to the nurse if you feel really bad

Now, it's true that most kindergarten classrooms have structures in place to help kids with stuff like this, especially at the beginning of the year. So, if there are just a few things on this list that you think would be a reach for your child by the spring before starting K, don't sweat it. But if your are reading this list and thinking, "Oh, geez -- I can't see my kid doing half of that stuff" then you know it's worth waiting a year.

I really felt the weight of the decision with both my kids. If you're in doubt, hold your child back. That doubt is telling you something. I know I made the right decision with both of my kids. My DD was ready; being the youngest in the grade has never been a factor for her. In fact, you'd never guess she's almost a year younger than some other kids in her classes. And I KNOW it was right to hold DS back. If he had started kindergarten at barely 5, his lack of independence would have been all that his teachers understood of him. His intelligence and good character would have been masked by his immaturity and neediness.

You'll know what to do when the time comes!

sunnydays99 · November 2013

Thank you so much everyone. I will look into whether or not they have a kindergarten open house or something where I can talk to someone about all of this. More than anything I wanted to get input on how many kids get held back. I'm in Canada and red shirting is not as common here as it appears to be in the US. That's why I wanted to talk to the kindergarten teacher...I do understand that they wouldn't be the best judge on if my DS is ready or not. That wasn't clear in my original post!

@neverblushed I love your "with-it-ness" list! Lol. I think that's what I'm essentially struggling with. I know that academically DS will be fine. I just don't know if he has the independence thing down yet!I think you're right in saying that if I have any doubts I should probably hold him back.

funchicken · November 2013

Just remember he has almost a year before kindie starts. DD1 made huge strides in self-help skills and independence the year before kindie. There were even a couple of things that I was worried about that she suddenly mastered over the summer.

groovygrl · November 2013

Maybe I'm in the minority but Dec 31 seems like an extremely late cutoff. I would consider the social implications in addition to academic 'readiness' and not just in Kindergarten & younger years but in the puberty years as well. If there is any chance you may move to a different place at some point in the future, keep in mind that your LO could be even younger than his peers elsewhere b/c lots of places have August & September cutoffs and people still redshirt early summer kids.
That being said, I am a bit biased as I am going to redshirt my August kids, mostly b/c I don't think DS will be ready from a maturity standpoint (not academic) and I have always asked myself if I would be more likely to regret sending him too early or sending him late. Plus MH, my brother and a number of other people I know were young for their grade & experienced troubles, though not all academic- quite a bit social-related, and usually later in the school years.

GL, you're doing the right thing collecting all the info you can early!

VTbride05 · November 2013

It's worth a call and a conversation.

This year there were two boys in our PreK debating as they had birthdays near the cut off. After having the K teacher observe the kids and taking input from the parents one was found ready to start K and the other was not. One mother told me that no matter what they decided they were going to be positive about it and not always wonder if they did the right thing. They wanted to be clear to their child that they HAD done the right thing.

Side note.... starting at age 4, even just shy of being 5, will be hard. My son was 100 times academically ready for K, but overall the whole day/experience is still overstimulating and overwhelming for him.

sunnydays99 · November 2013

Thank you Kate. It's nice to hear from a Canadian as I know our school systems are quite different from the US! Thanks for sharing your experience! I think in January I am going to schedule a meeting with DS's preschool teachers and also inquire if there is a kindergarten open house we can attend and go from there.

Smores730 · December 2013

I would trust the advice from the preschool teachers. They really do know how your child compares to the others in the academic setting (socially, academically and emotionally).

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