'Tis the season...

melissa0726 · November 2013

....to juggle our families during the holidays. ::sigh::

We had always visited both of our families for Thanksgiving, and last year, we decided to start alternating. So last year we had dinner with my parents, and this year is with his parents.

Well, we just got the email that dinner is at 4pm b/c SIL wants to go see her boyfriend's family for dessert afterwards. Which means we'd have to get out of here at 3:30, which means a very short or no nap for DD1.

In theory, the timing would be nice because we could visit my family afterwards. But the reality is, DD1 is just not at the point where she can skip a nap and function. We tried a couple weeks ago and it was a pure nightmare. And that is generally DD2's fussy time of the day. I'm so miffed that SIL (who has no kids) chose the dinnertime, and no one took our family's schedule into consideration. So I'm envisioning DD1 whining on the floor and not wanting to come to the table for dinner, DD2 fussing in the Ergo, and me walking around trying to pacify both of them while everyone else enjoys their dinner. Ugh!

Anyone else want to whine about holiday planning?

MrsCase1 · November 2013

Oh heck no. I would say, 'OK, that will not work with m two young children. We will have to see you another time."

MrsCase1 · November 2013

Come to think of it, my family absolutely never asks me what time works for us, we're just expected to show up, LOL!!!

melissa0726 · November 2013

Mrs Case said:

Come to think of it, my family absolutely never asks me what time works for us, we're just expected to show up, LOL!!!

Oh wow! We're the only ones with kids on both sides, so scheduling with my siblings is usually easy.

Both my parents and ILs always have dinner sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 on a regular basis. Which is when we eat dinner at home, so it totally works out for us to get together with our families frequently. I guess that's what's irksome...they KNOW my kids are asleep at that time of day!

Rachey1082 · November 2013

I hear you!!!! We have this same fight every. Single. Year. It's completely ridiculous. We said we really need to start traveling for thanksgiving. Then we can just piss everyone off and only think of ourselves. SIL likes to do Thanksgivibg dinner at 3 pm. My mom likes to do a 1 pm dinner. I just can't with the 3 pm dinner it doesn't work. She has kids too and I don't understand why she thinks this time works.

melissa0726 · November 2013

Rachey1082 for reals, what is up with "dinner" in the afternoon? I don't understand this! Especially holiday dinner which take hours and hours to prep...it baffles me.

This is almost enough for me to start cooking and having my own dinner at my own time at my own house. Almost...but not quite. Maybe something to consider next year.

NotSharknado · November 2013

LalaMama81 said:
It's pretty normal for holiday meals to be around 4 IME. I would be annoyed that someone else (not hosting) is picking the time w/o consulting others but it's equally ridiculous to not go b/c of a nap schedule. It's a holiday. Would you really just go right at dinner anyway? What about helping cooking? Hanging out? appetizers? socializing?

I'd go at 1 and have my kids nap on the way and/or there. That's what we've always done or the skip a nap. It's not the end of the world for holiday meal.

I agree. Holidays are an exception to nap rules. There's so many kids around that DD doesn't even realize she missed a nap.

<---------- does thanksgiving dinner at 3

Rachey1082 · November 2013

NotSharknado said:

LalaMama81 said:
It's pretty normal for holiday meals to be around 4 IME. I would be annoyed that someone else (not hosting) is picking the time w/o consulting others but it's equally ridiculous to not go b/c of a nap schedule. It's a holiday. Would you really just go right at dinner anyway? What about helping cooking? Hanging out? appetizers? socializing?

I'd go at 1 and have my kids nap on the way and/or there. That's what we've always done or the skip a nap. It's not the end of the world for holiday meal.

I agree. Holidays are an exception to nap rules. There's so many kids around that DD doesn't even realize she missed a nap.

<---------- does thanksgiving dinner at 3</p>

Would you still do dinner at 3 if 1/2 of your dinner guests are trying to go to two houses? That's what I find the most rude about it. The only ones that just go to SIL's are their mom and dad. My parents live an hour from SIL's.

NotSharknado · November 2013

This is what we do. About 25 people show up at 2:30ish, we eat at 3:30-4:00. About 6pm half of my guests leave to go have dessert with their other side of the family.

I'm not sure I fully understand your question @Rachey1082

Rachey1082 · November 2013

NotSharknado said:
This is what we do. About 25 people show up at 2:30ish, we eat at 3:30-4:00. About 6pm half of my guests leave to go have dessert with their other side of the family.

I'm not sure I fully understand your question @Rachey1082

My SIL only has her parents and our family over. My family lives on the other side of town, so it takes an hour to get there. Even though she just has inmidate family at her Thanksgiving, she still won't move the time more towards lunch or dinner. And, this year DH doesn't get off of work until 6 pm and she still won't move the time of dinner. It's ridiculous. There are only her family of 4, their parents, and our family of 5 there, you'd think she'd be slightly accommodating.

Rachey1082 · November 2013

LalaMama81 said:

Rachey1082 said:

NotSharknado said:
This is what we do. About 25 people show up at 2:30ish, we eat at 3:30-4:00. About 6pm half of my guests leave to go have dessert with their other side of the family.

I'm not sure I fully understand your question @Rachey1082
My SIL only has her parents and our family over. My family lives on the other side of town, so it takes an hour to get there. Even though she just has inmidate family at her Thanksgiving, she still won't move the time more towards lunch or dinner. And, this year DH doesn't get off of work until 6 pm and she still won't move the time of dinner. It's ridiculous. There are only her family of 4, their parents, and our family of 5 there, you'd think she'd be slightly accommodating.

I do think it's odd that she won't at least entertain changing it for your DH.

That said, I've found it's so much easier on everyone involved to just do one house per day for holidays. I wouldn't expect my MIL to change the time for us if we wanted to go see my parents, too. But, we gave up splitting Thanksgiving and Christmas day over 10 years ago.

It would be easier to split if we celebrated Christmas too. We do Hanukkah, it starts on thanksgiving this year.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · November 2013

Oh ya. Juggling families. So. Much. Fun.

I can't complain too much though because my mom's side decided that Christmas was too crazy so we usually get together around New Year's instead. And my dad's family doesn't care, so long as we see each other at some point.

My biggest struggle is finding time to have a "just us" Christmas, then be with my parents and brother, and then also be with DH's family - which sometimes means seeing his dad separately from the rest of the family (yay for family drama :S)

NotSharknado · November 2013

Rachey1082 said:

NotSharknado said:
This is what we do. About 25 people show up at 2:30ish, we eat at 3:30-4:00. About 6pm half of my guests leave to go have dessert with their other side of the family.

I'm not sure I fully understand your question @Rachey1082
My SIL only has her parents and our family over. My family lives on the other side of town, so it takes an hour to get there. Even though she just has inmidate family at her Thanksgiving, she still won't move the time more towards lunch or dinner. And, this year DH doesn't get off of work until 6 pm and she still won't move the time of dinner. It's ridiculous. There are only her family of 4, their parents, and our family of 5 there, you'd think she'd be slightly accommodating.

I also find it odd that she won't be more accommodating. Just because she's hosting it doesn't mean it's her holiday. Geez.

Of course if more than half of my guests couldn't do 3pm, we would all figure out a time. And I never say "Dinner is at 3, be there!" I ask if 3 works for everyone.

StefandTodd · November 2013

It's funny b/c on my moms board, someone is struggling with dinner being at 5 (her baby goes to bed at 6) when Thanksgiving is "supposed to be" in the afternoon in her (and my, btw) mind. I know reading your post I was pretty confused at first why you were upset. My 2 year old naps from 12:00-3:00 most days and so leaving the house at 3:30 would be IDEAL for me. We eat at 5:30 or 6, with everyone bathed and ready for bed by 7/7:30, so dinner at 6:30 would be insanely difficult for us.

ETA: The moral to all ^^ that business is that everyone is different so without talking to your host, how would they know?? I certainly wouldn't know...

And we're flying across two time zones with our 27 and 11 month old for Thanksgiving, so I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that I'm not going to have a sit down, relax, and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner myself. But that's the Holidays with young kids, IMO.