Finding the right words..help!

Re: Finding the right words..help!

• km_md member

  November 2013

  That is so sad I'm so sorry for your cousin. It is really tricky after a loss. Some people like the uplifting positives, and some people don't. Personally, I just liked when people told me that they were there for me. Let her know that you are there to support her and if there is anything she needs, you are there for her. She probably won't take you up on that, but just knowing that you have support can really help. You are really being amazing by thinking of her and sending her things so I am sure that she will appreciate that. 

  
  

  
  

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• wifetomrb101 member

  November 2013

  Ooooh...that's tough. 

  I think (trying to imagine myself in her position which is impossible) just knowing you are thinking of her and being there for her is number one.  Don't say something like 'let me know if you need anything', but just ask what you can do.  I wouldn't 'let people know' if they could do something, but if they asked what they could do it's different...

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• sugarland726 member

  November 2013

  Dear Cousin,
  
  Here are some clothes for Mason and some things for you. I am thinking of you during this incredibly difficult time. Gabriel will be missed forever by all of us. Lots of love to you.
  
  Love,
  Mnelli14
  
  (Or something like that).
  

  

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• peanutmuse member

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  I am so, so sorry to hear this.
  
  ETA: I agree w/ @Bookshelves about the "focus on the positive" line. That would infuriate me if I was in that position. I lost one of my twins very early on in this pregnancy, and although it's not the same, it really upset me when people said things like this.
  

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• angiek1 member

  November 2013

  peanutmuse said:

  I am so, so sorry to hear this.
  
  ETA: I agree w/ @Bookshelves about the "focus on the positive" line. That would infuriate me if I was in that position. I lost one of my twins very early on in this pregnancy, and although it's not the same, it really upset me when people said things like this.
  

  sugarland726's response. 
  

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• sugarland726 member

  November 2013

  angiek1 said:

  peanutmuse said:

  I am so, so sorry to hear this.
  
  ETA: I agree w/ @Bookshelves about the "focus on the positive" line. That would infuriate me if I was in that position. I lost one of my twins very early on in this pregnancy, and although it's not the same, it really upset me when people said things like this.
  

  sugarland726's response. 
  

  Oh I hate those lines! From what I have gathered from people who have lost children, is that they want to talk about their kids, they don't want the kids to be forgotten or ignored. So use his name and reference that you are thinking of him. If you see a rainbow in the sky, text her and say the rainbow made you think of her son. She will never forget him and it will mean something to know that others also haven't forgotten him.
  
  Lastly, I think it's not ideal to say "let me know if you need anything." Only because, most don't know what they need and/or they don't want to be a burden. so call her up and say, "I'm planning on bringing a casserole for dinner, is Thursday good for you?" Or "I was at the store and thought I'd pick up a case of diapers for you." Just take the initiative on that.
  

  

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• Mnelli14 member

  November 2013

  Thanks ladies!! I def wouldn't have said "focus on the positive". That would make anyone furious. Thank you to those who have shared after your own loss. Much appreciated

  

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