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July 2012 Moms
lewispm
member
My horrible (not really) BIL {vent/WWYD?}
lewispm
member
Ok, so he's not horrible, but he is...eccentric?... and basically was a child genius with no social skills and still lacks the ability to empathize or put any value on feelings/emotion whatsoever when making any kind of decision. That's just a little background for you.
Anyway, he and my sister are having a baby girl in January and not only am I worried about how they will go about raising her with their completely different views/backgrounds (he is an atheist, she is a Christian. He hates Santa and refuses to tell their daughter she exists, she is a Santa and Christmas fanatic, even more so than me!) but I am terrified that he will ruin Christmas for Kellen and any future kids me or my other sister have. If he tells his daughter their is no Santa and she ruins Christmas for Kellen, Lord help him!!! I will be so pissed at him and will likely never forgive him. I am irrationally pissed beyond measure already that the potential exists that he ruin my child's Christmas!!
My other sister and I want to go so far as to sit down with him and have a talk, but I know it isn't our place. I think it's fine to do whatever you want with your kids and chose whatever traditions you want for them, but it's not fair to my children! He even went so far to tell my sister that he won't lie to ANY child about Santa, not just his own.
** I just feel the need to add that my sisters and I are very close spend Christmas together every year and our kids would see each other a lot and spend a lot of time together.
What would you do in my situation? Is it fair? How would you handle it and would you be as worried/pissed as me??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My horrible (not really) BIL {vent/WWYD?}
I do have better things to think about, for sure, but being that Christmas is coming up and we were recently talking about it, it is heavy on my mind! I'm seriously a Christmas freak and I loved the magic of Santa when I was younger and I want that so desperately for Kellen.
You are right though, there is no use worrying about it quite yet, but I can't help it!
I tell my children that Santa only brings presents to those who believe in Santa. I would not talk to your BIL about it now, may be in a future, like 3 years from now he will change his approach?
I'm genuinely curious (seriously, no snark whatsoever) - do your sister and BIL have a marriage you can see lasting? I couldn't imagine marrying someone that had such distinctly different values from me and my family.
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
Honestly, no. They have major issues. They broke up while engaged and my sister confided in us about some things and sought some advice and we (my mom, myself, and my sister) all advised that serious counseling was needed before they proceeded with the marriage and she agreed, but then got back together with him and never followed through with the counseling. He's a nice enough guy and means well, but he is just so ridiculously narrow-minded and takes a stand on things just for the sake of taking a stand that I see major issues in their future.
I am just glad they are having a girl. I hope they never have a son, as my sister and he also disagree completely regarding circumcision and I see a teenage son and my BIL severely knocking heads.
Oh, and did I mention he "won't allow" my sister to get an epidural??? She has the lowest pain tolerance of anyone I have ever met and I am absolutely LIVID that he thinks he has any say whatsoever in what she chooses during labor. I pray she can go without, but I am just torn apart thinking that if she did give in to the pain, he would not support her decision.
Can you tell he's not my favorite person in the world??
I think it is one thing to have different beliefs and backgrounds, but another thing entirely to be as closed minded as he is about things. He thinks Christians are "stupid, gullible, and misguided" and is very open about his feelings. He seriously sucks when it comes to trying to see anyone else's perspective or considering any one else's feelings (even his own, really) when making any kid of decision.
It is not the differences in how they were raised that concerns me, but his attitude regarding his way of life being "right" and everyone else's' being "wrong". It would have been a deal breaker for me right from the get go.
I totally see where you are coming from, but I think maybe since I experienced that "magic" I have a different perspective? I understand he will become a perfectly functioning adult whether Santa ever exists to him or not, but I also cherish my childhood Christmas memories so much that I want Kellen to have similar experiences and love Christmas, even as an adult, as much as my sisters and I do. I truly believe that the reason we are such Christmas fanatics is because my parents made it so full of magic and wonder for us a kids. I just want to pass that on.
I'm sure you practiced some traditions growing up that you loved that others did not practice, but you still remember them fondly and hope to carry them on with Emery.
@zpanjwani I certainly understand that people of different backgrounds and faith have happy and successful marriages! But from her description of her sister and BIL it's just seemed like they had very different values (i.e. Different moral and social values) which sounds like stem from her BILs personality rather than a lack of shared ideological values. If that makes sense?
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
He is one of those people that believes everything is black and white. There is no gray. There are no exceptions.
If science/biology says something is true, it is true. If you believe other wise, you are wrong. If you are wrong, you need to be informed (by him) of what is correct and it needs to be done right away.
He has gotten a little better about biting his tongue since meeting my sister, but he still has this arrogance to him that I absolutely can not stand.
He used to be painfully shy. I actually went to middle school with him and he was horribly ridiculed by some people. He transferred to a private school and I think things got a little better. My sister has brought him out of his shell a lot, but he still has a lot (socially) to work on.
They couldn't be more different other than they are both very stubborn. Until I met him, my sister was the most stubborn person I knew. Its so strange too, as he has really helped her with her self centered-ness, but really I think she just can't win with him so she has no other choice.
Together since 5/08 ~ Married 6/19/10 ~ TTC #1 since 8/10
BFP#1 3/26/11 ~ EDD 12/2/11 ~ Ectopic Twins left tube 7w3d
BFP#2 11/2/11 ~ EDD 7/14/12 ~ Robert Edgar born 7/18/12
BFP#3 9/28/13 ~ EDD 5/20/14 ~ Benjamin Clarence born 5/15/14
If a child wants to believe in santa, they will hold onto the belief even past when they've suspected the truth. If they don't, they will figure things out with or without the uncle's help.
He won't ruin anything.