Free For All! Or, "Let's Complain . . . "

CageyMack · November 2013

Hey!

I typed a response just know with some complaining. Then I though, "Hey! Other LGBT might have some complainin' to do!"

So, what is your gripe with TTC? Or with LGBT Parenting? What are you just plain done and fed up with and you wanna' go all Sally Field in Norma Rae and hold your sign, high and indignant and fierce?

CageyMack · November 2013

I'll start! Bet you didn't see THAT coming. : )

1. I am sick of having to be mindful of sperm. We thought 14 vials was enough for 2 kids. Blah!!!! Probably not at two a whack! Pun pretty much intended.

2. I'm tired of appointments. Really? That often?

3. I'm tired of sticking needles in my wife. They are dull.

4. I'm tired of being sad when there is a BFN.

5. Spending money to make a baby sucks.

6. On the parenting front, I'm kind of sick of people asking if the "dad is blonde."

7. Also, I effing am done and over with lining out every single form where "Father" is listed first and there is no "Other Parent/Gaurdian." Even the 10 year old gets it: "Some people live with their grandparents. Why don't they just put 'grownup'?"

8. I'm tired of worrying if our KD might give us more sperm. You know, so 28 vials could make 2 babies.

9. I'm tired of scrutinizing every thing my wife does worrying that she is not doing "enough" to get pregnant. I KNOW she is! She is super awesome! Shut up, my brain, I have a good wife.

10. I'll bet she is super tired of having people poke at her small lady bits. It hurts.

11. I'm tired of seeing lots of follicles and no baby.

StacyLH24 · November 2013

It amazes me how many straight folks accidentally get pregnant. Here we all are trying our damnedest and spending so much money and for most folks the first time didn't work. We WANT babies...babies who will be loved unconditionally and provided for and yet it takes so much to get them.

I haven't yet looked fully into adoption, but I know some routes can get expensive. Again, why the outrageous barrier? A loving person or people want to give a child a home. This shouldn't cost thousands of dollars.

Not a huge rant, but those are my two pet peeves about the whole process I guess. I just want it to be easy. Nothing worth having is usually easy though.

wishiwaspreggo · November 2013

I'm feeling pretty mellow today - and it's great especially after being steamed on progesterone. That caused some nasty rages in me. That's coming again at the end of the month. Which means I'll be pissy for Thanksgiving. Awesome.

If I would be raged about anything lesbian-TTC related, I'd say it's my state laws. We're extremely unfriendly towards infertility and LGBT folks in general. Clinics are few and far between, and I have to travel to my hometown to have my procedures done. I can understand why insurance doesn't cover IF (one's life and health is not in danger if they can't have kids) but it sure would take the sting out of the expense if I didn't have to add time and gas to drive 1.5 hours each way to get an IUI. In order to make this feasible and not miss too much work, I have to make my appointments super early in the morning (7:30 or 7:45) so I can at least get to work by 10 am (I usually start at 9 am). That means I have to wake up at 5:15 am so I can get ready and drive up to have an ultrasound and then drive all the way back knowing I have to make the same trek again in the next couple days.

And the healthcare in my town is just plain awful anyway, and it terrifies me to think of giving birth here but there's no where else I can go. It's strange because you'd expect exceptional healthcare in a college town but it's quite backwater and unreliable. There's one big doctor's office that has many physicians and we call it Doctor's Inc. It's like the Walmart of healthcare. It's so bad. C and I have both been wrongly diagnosed and scared shitless by what they've told us. We've been looking for a new doctor we like but have been having a hard time because Doctor's Inc has a monopoly on this town and there are very few stand-alone physicians. And I've also completely eliminated one out of 3 options for OBGYNs here because they did such a crap job on my first IUI. It's so frustrating.

So there's my complaint! Less ragey and more melancholy. There's not much I can do about it aside from move so I have to learn to deal.

StacyLH24 · November 2013

@wishiwaspreggo - I hear ya on the long trips! We also travel 1.5 hours one way and I also begin work at 9 am. I make as many early appointments as I can so that I don't miss much work and so C can come with me. It can be exhausting for both of us. Like today...waiting for my pre op with the RE and we are both exhausted. We both took the day off and are looking forward to a nap when we get home. Then I have a presentation for work this evening.

I figure this is just prep for when we actually have a baby and are beyond exhausted.

wishiwaspreggo · November 2013

Wouldn't it be lovely if we could just make love like straight folks and have a baby?

But then again, hanging out on the TTC boards I've learned it's not terribly romantic sometimes. And having sex on demand is probably not the most pleasant thing. Something tells me men aren't aroused by women turning off the TV and announcing "I have a smiley face on my OPK. Take off your pants, let's get to it!"

And this all reminds me of when I was a teen in high school and they were like "It only takes one time to get pregnant!" They made it sound like pregnancy is absolutely inevitable when you have sex. Which is hilarious because I literally had sperm shot up into my uterus with three big, healthy eggs waiting and I STILL didn't get pregnant. They don't tell you about all the obstacles and all the ways pregnancy can fail at the drop of a hat.

Then again, if they did that then the teen pregnancy rate would probably be much higher. I'm full of contradictions today

keepsawaythenargles · November 2013

I am sad because my wife feels sad that she can't "give us a baby".

It sucks being the one who wants to carry and all of that jazz, but because of medical issues we're on the bench and can't try yet and everyone around us keeps asking us when we're going to start a family... shut up already, we're trying!

I hate how expensive it is. My insurance covers nothing and it's probably going to cost us a zillion dollars to have a baby.

I dislike how sad it all makes me and I'm an emotional eater and that goes against everything I'm trying to do... lose weight to lower A1C.

Then it stresses me out to think that this is just the FIRST hurdle (to even get to start IUI) and we might have many more years of disappointment and sadness

Whew...that felt good getting it out

wishiwaspreggo · November 2013

kaysa2 said:

I'm really tired having to explain my life choices to people who have no business asking in the first place. Everyone knows I'm gay - I certainly don't hide it IRL and in a lot of respects am a walking stereotype. But now I'm pregnant…but I don't have a female partner and I'm living with a man. And every time someone drops some comment like "So, changed your mind, huh?" I want to punch them in the face and dump a box of of the $2 baby medicine syringes I used to get myself pregnant over their head.

You know, cause I'm subtle.

Uuuuuuuuuuuugh I absolutely detest intrusive questions like that. That's why I never, ever ask them. I can be as curious as the day is long, but I will never ask about it. I knew this girl I invited along to a party because she really wanted to meet other lesbians - we initially met through grad school. She was super wholesome, never swore, didn't drink, didn't even indulge in caffeine. She was like a unicorn. I didn't realize lesbians came in that variety (but then it may just be the company I keep). At any rate, I took her along to a party to meet the roudy, diverse crowd I ran with before they all dispersed. It was hosted by a friend of mine whose personality is the complete opposite of the friend I brought along with me. When we got ready to leave, grad school friend said she wanted to stay behind to "help clean up." I thought that was really weird but I didn't think anything of it so we left. A week or two later, C and I found out grad school friend and party-hosting friend started dating. We were so baffled we fell to the floor in giggles because it was just so freaking unlikely. Unimaginable. WEIRD. I just couldn't picture grad school friend even in a romantic or sexual capacity. Now they're living together and have been coupled for several years. I still look at their picture and think "HOW?!"

I've never asked. I won't ask. I will continue to be confused for the rest of my life.

karah0011 · November 2013

I am sick of people asking me if C and I are sisters?! NO! We are holding hands!

Or when we are at dinner or shopping, etc and people say "Who's baby?" OURS! Then we get the craziest look like we came from Mars. Yes, she is BOTH of ours!

DRIVES ME NUTS!

trisholio · November 2013

I will take any reason to complain :-)

1. I hate that so many people around me get pregnant on accident

2. I get irritated by so many personal questions. Do I ask you about your vagina or what you did to get knocked up? I just might start asking

3. I got tired of feeling like I needed to have perfectly trimmed/shaved private parts for every appointment, I gave up on that and just do my monthly trim.....i know my wife is lucky! haha

4. I hate that it is so expensive!

5. I have wanted to be a mom my whole life, I never knew it was going to be this hard!

lamaitresse · November 2013

I feel better knowing I have a lot of the same gripes as others here!!

Smurf has been fighting a viral infection and she was really down the other and was starting to get upset that the baby wouldn't have her genes.

I feel bad that we can't afford IVF and that her eggs may be too old anyway(she is 44). We're also hosting my unemployed sister right now, and Smurf's freaking out about money in general, because we can't afford to feed my sister long-term, so then she starts doubting our financial capability to raise a child. She's a worry-wart by nature, but I wish there was something I could do to assuage her fears!

Also, I WISH MORE JAPANESE MEN DONATED SPERM!

Aside from my surgery, finding a donor of Japanese descent is our biggest hurdle right now. We don't want to use a known donor, so right now we are waiting on fate!!

StacyLH24 · November 2013

It is indeed a thing. Entirely based on personal preference.

ATXmommas · November 2013

trisholio said:

3. I got tired of feeling like I needed to have perfectly trimmed/shaved private parts for every appointment, I gave up on that and just do my monthly trim.....i know my wife is lucky! haha

This made me laugh! Not that I care as much now that I'm about to pop, but taking care of my downstairs is now Z's job.

trisholio · November 2013

ATXmommas said:

trisholio said:

3. I got tired of feeling like I needed to have perfectly trimmed/shaved private parts for every appointment, I gave up on that and just do my monthly trim.....i know my wife is lucky! haha

This made me laugh! Not that I care as much now that I'm about to pop, but taking care of my downstairs is now Z's job.

My wife promises to take over shaving my legs and "downstairs" when I get pregnant and can no longer reach :-)

YBnormal85 · November 2013

I have already begun contemplating this lol I don't think I'll have the energy or even care enough to shave my down stairs completely by the end of this pregnancy.. I guess ill just do ny best to keep it neat lol. I'm sure my midwife as seen it all...I'm not too too worried lol

trisholio · November 2013

I also think its hilarious that this whining sessions turned into a discussion about our nether regions, haha

penguin122308 · November 2013

Ok can I take us back to complaints? Lol
When we say we don't have children, the first response is to always tell us we could adopt or "there are ways". We aren't stupid and didn't know how, we just don't have kids right now.

Ok now my next complaint. We decided to have a baby, read alot, planned, thought about it, chose names (a little early I know), and got really into it. My Wife has now changed her mind. I'm devastated. It feels like a miscarriage bc the baby I thought about, planned for, and even named became a thing of the past. I cry alot, I get jealous of everyone who seemed to miraculously JUST get pregnant, and just seem to start a fight when I bring it up. So NOW I must answer to why we haven't started trying yet! Why does everyone need to be in our fertility business(or now lack there of)?

lamaitresse · November 2013

@penguin1222308 - I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Have you and your wife considered seeing a counselor to help you both work through these feelings? Asking for help/seeking a counselor is hard, but can be so beneficial. The two of you will be able to work through this over time.

NO ONE needs to be in your fertility business. This frustrates me so much. You wouldn't ask a straight couple how they "did it" so why ask a gay couple? There are ways to politely address these rude questions but sometimes I just don't care about being nice!

I have a further complaint, but this is really my fault. Only two people know that we are trying to get pregnant. They both know that that NO ONE else knows anything about it, yet one of them stupidly opened their mouth and talked to me about it IN FRONT OF MY SISTER. I am livid. We especially want to keep it from family because we don't want to get any hopes up... my dad DESPERATELY wants grandkids and my mother-in-law just became a great-grandmother this week, so babies are on everybody's minds. We started TTC just after my nephew and his wife announced their pregnancy, so we really didn't want to steal their thunder by saying we're trying. Anyway, back to my initial gripe. I should not have told anyone, I just really needed someone to talk to when I first found out my tubes may have been blocked. Now all they ask about is "are you pregnant yet?" One of them had the nerve to tell me I'll probably get gestational diabetes. I was all, "That is the LEAST of my concerns right now, thankyouverymuch." Ugh. Stupid, stupid me. Learned that one the hard way.

GoaliesWife123 · November 2013

I'll join...

1. I hate that my sister in law has 2 older kids and now that she has her new baby with her new hubby, those kids are tossed aside.

2. I hate that she smoked her entire pregnancy, is still smoking and is using the excuse that someone else got the kid sick....OR it could be the cancer you are making him ingest.

3. I hate that ttc takes so much planning and effort when everyone around me just has their oops baby.

4. I hate that money is always an issue. No matter what there is always something that comes up. I just wish it wasn't ever an issue!

shelly2314 · November 2013

@karah0011...M and I have been asked before if she is my mother. I am 33 and she is 38. It absolutely does not make any sense and annoys the shit out of me

shelly2314 · November 2013

OH complaining can be my best quality.

Since my DW and I are in the TWW I am going absolutely insane. Everything leads me to wonder, "does this mean..."

I would also like to freak out about how many pregnant teens there are. I am in administration in a school and it takes every ounce of my being not to b--ch slap those kids when they say "I don't know how this happened" AUGH!

And all this talk about trimming the downstairs...It absolutely sucks for me b/c I get horrendous razor burn EVERY time I shave. It hurts like hell and is unattractive, at least in my opinion. The wife says just stop shaving, but dear God...it would be a veritable forest

trisholio · November 2013

shelly2314 said:

OH complaining can be my best quality.
Since my DW and I are in the TWW I am going absolutely insane. Everything leads me to wonder, "does this mean..."
I would also like to freak out about how many pregnant teens there are. I am in administration in a school and it takes every ounce of my being not to b--ch slap those kids when they say "I don't know how this happened" AUGH!
And all this talk about trimming the downstairs...It absolutely sucks for me b/c I get horrendous razor burn EVERY time I shave. It hurts like hell and is unattractive, at least in my opinion. The wife says just stop shaving, but dear God...it would be a veritable forest

don't shave, just trim. there are a few different companies that have a razor on one end and a trimmer on the other end with a guard. made just for women and pretty inexpensive (less than$14) it is so much easier than shaving all together!

wishiwaspreggo · November 2013

I'm seriously considering laser treatments for my bush. A friend of mine is doing it and she's almost done. Says it hurts but it can't possibly be as bad as the razor burn I get, too. I feel ya, @shelly2314. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for a Groupon so it'll be worth it. I hate the fur, but I hate pain and itchiness.

shelly2314 · November 2013

God I love Groupon!!!

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