How do you address teachers?

hokies94 · November 2013

If you have school aged kids and you're emailing the teacher, how do you address them? Mrs so and so or by their first name? In front of the kids I call them Mrs/Miss but I feel funny addressing them directly this way. Maybe it's because I'm older than a lot of their teachers. I just sent an email using the first name and that doesn't seem right either. All emails I get from the teachers are from first name last name so I have no guidance there. Very pressing question, I know, bu I just can't figure out what's right.

Chapter79 · November 2013

I use her first name, because she has asked us to do so. On back to school night, one of the first things she said was "please please please call me XXXX, I'm called Ms. all day, and would prefer you all just use my first name".. so that made it much easier.

That said, I wouldn't do that unless told. In grades K and 1 I always used Mrs. to address teachers- whether in front of my kid or not (e-mail, etc). I would only use their first name if they told me to do so.

Mrs.Hizzo · November 2013

I used Ms. X until we had our conferences, when she introduced herself by her first name. Now I use that.

lightgetsin · November 2013

I use Mrs. Lastname in email and if they respond and sign the email with their first name, I will address them by their first name next time.. We have had a couple that prefer to be addressed as Mrs. Lastname .

Mrs.Greg · November 2013

When I email her, I call her by her first name. But only when emailing. Even if she and I are having a private conversation in person at school, I call her Ms. Lastname.

goillini823 · November 2013

In front of the kids at school I refer to her as Ms. In emails and private conversations w/o kids around I call her by her first name. She requested to be called by her first name.

jnksmom · November 2013

I call DD's teacher by her first name in emails, notes, and private conversations because she introduced herself to me as that and has signed emails and notes that way. I call her Ms. Lastname in the classroom though. I call DS's teacher Ms. lastname. That is how she introduced herself to me.

Spin313 · November 2013

DS's teacher said parents can call her by her first name. I volunteer in the classroom quite a bit, so I call her Mrs (Last Name) in front of the kids. In email or one on one, I try to remember to use her first name.

pitterpatter129 · November 2013

Parents always just called me Mrs. Last Name. If they knew it...half of them had no idea what my name was, first or last. They called me "so and so's teacher". Unless you are friendly with her/chat often or she has specifically suggested parents call her by her first name, I'd just use the last name. I don't think age really matters. Using Mrs. Last name is respectful and you can be respectful of someone who is younger than you. I generally address everyone by Mr/Mrs/Ms until they tell me otherwise, not just teachers.

notkateanymore · November 2013

I'm older than she is, so I call her by her first name. I think at some point she introduced herself as Jennifer, but I can't remember. Honestly in most emails, I usually start with Good Morning or something like that.

dizzycooks · November 2013

As a young teacher, I find it very annoying that parents feel it's ok to take the liberty to call me Kate. They don't know me (totally different if we've talked a lot or I've had multiple children). Unless told other wise or she signs her emails with her first name only then I think mrs. Last name is appropriate no matter her age. I wouldn't dream of calling my doctor or anyone else by there first name just because they are younger.

littlemermaid · November 2013

I always show them respect by calling them Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms Last Name. I don't think any of my children's teachers have ever requested they be called by their first name and I really appreciate that. I don't like when lines are blurred between teacher and parent and I feel once you start going on a first name basis it just changes the dynamic of that professional relationship. This is just my opinion, to each their own.

toadstool · November 2013

I think you should always go with Mr/Mrs/Ms Last name unless they request otherwise. I also think teachers should address parents the same way unless they request otherwise. This just shows mutual respect. Age should not matter one bit.

Mrs.Hizzo · November 2013

Do you all seriously call everyone you have a professional relationship with Mr./Ms. So-And-So? This is weird to me. I call my lawyer, plumber, and banker by their first names, and they address me the same way.

I think parents and teachers ought to be a team. I want then to feel comfortable coming to me with any issues that I can help address at home, and I want to feel comfortable clarifying things with them. When teachers insist on Mr./Mrs. from parents, it feels very stand-offish to me and makes them seem far less approachable.

littlemermaid · November 2013

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Do you all seriously call everyone you have a professional relationship with Mr./Ms. So-And-So? This is weird to me. I call my lawyer, plumber, and banker by their first names, and they address me the same way.

I think parents and teachers ought to be a team. I want then to feel comfortable coming to me with any issues that I can help address at home, and I want to feel comfortable clarifying things with them. When teachers insist on Mr./Mrs. from parents, it feels very stand-offish to me and makes them seem far less approachable.

No I do not call my lawyer, banker..etc by Mr/Mrs Lastname because I'm the one who hired them to do me a service. It could be a generation thing too. I'm old school when it comes to calling a teacher by Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. I don't feel that it's stand off-ish at all.

toadstool · November 2013

auroraloo said:

littlemermaid said:

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Do you all seriously call everyone you have a professional relationship with Mr./Ms. So-And-So? This is weird to me. I call my lawyer, plumber, and banker by their first names, and they address me the same way.

I think parents and teachers ought to be a team. I want then to feel comfortable coming to me with any issues that I can help address at home, and I want to feel comfortable clarifying things with them. When teachers insist on Mr./Mrs. from parents, it feels very stand-offish to me and makes them seem far less approachable.

No I do not call my lawyer, banker..etc by Mr/Mrs Lastname because I'm the one who hired them to do me a service. It could be a generation thing too. I'm old school when it comes to calling a teacher by Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. I don't feel that it's stand off-ish at all.
My doctor and I are a team too, but she has earned the title of Dr. Nelson. Just like a teacher has earned the respect to be called whatever they wish to be called. If you *have* the relationship with that person to call them by their first name, do so, but if not, always go with the more formal until you do.

Think of it as using usted instead of esta(s?) when you meet someone in Spanish. It's always more respectful and proper to use the formal until given permission to do otherwise.

For instance, my heating guy says "Hey, I'm Joe." So I call him Joe. My doctor says "Hi, I'm Dr. Nelson" so she's Dr. Nelson.

And of course if a teacher, Dr., or anyone else says "Please, call me Joe." Most people would do as they wish. But starting out with a formal title shows respect for a person. You can foster a close relationship with your tone and actions and still address someone by their proper title.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

I can believe tht people are saying they base the respect they give an educator on age. I believe a teacher should be called her last name unless specifically states otherwise.

Mrs.Hizzo · November 2013

For the record, I did state earlier that I only started calling DS's kindergarten teacher by her first name after she introduced herself that way to my husband at conferences. But I was very glad when she did.

I guess it's weird to me because I know I'm not the sort of parent to ever take advantage of a more informal relationship. I have a pretty good handle on my kid, and I know he's far from perfectly behaved. And I would never in a million years expect someone to evaluate my children based on their relationship with me, but I suppose those parents exist.

notkateanymore · November 2013

SunnyDays26 said:

@katemw, how do you judge age? I don't mean this in a mean way. I look a lot younger than my age and I'm a teacher. Seriously, you would think I'm 16, but I'm about to be 29, with my masters. I don't get the respect?

Well I'm older than you too, so I would call you by your first name as well

I'm not going to call anybody that is younger than me Miss or Mrs. I just never have. It's not about respect to me, there are many other ways to respect a person than calling them Miss or Mrs. In fact, I think calling them Miss FirstName makes them sound much younger than just their first name. Of course I respect her however old she is. She's 30 or 31 I believe.

notkateanymore · November 2013

Andrewsgal said:

I can believe tht people are saying they base the respect they give an educator on age. I believe a teacher should be called her last name unless specifically states otherwise.

I don't think calling her by her first name has anything to do with how much I respect her. I just don't call people younger than me Mrs or Mr. Never have. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much I respect her at all.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

But Kate do you call doctors younger than you by their first name too?

notkateanymore · November 2013

If a teacher is a PhD, which DD had one at her old school, they got called Dr. as did her head of school. I have pretty informal relationships with DDs teachers though, as in I'm FB friends with all of them from the past and present.

notkateanymore · November 2013

HilarityEnsued said:

KateMW said:

SunnyDays26 said:

@katemw, how do you judge age? I don't mean this in a mean way. I look a lot younger than my age and I'm a teacher. Seriously, you would think I'm 16, but I'm about to be 29, with my masters. I don't get the respect?

Well I'm older than you too, so I would call you by your first name as well I'm not going to call anybody that is younger than me Miss or Mrs. I just never have. It's not about respect to me, there are many other ways to respect a person than calling them Miss or Mrs. In fact, I think calling them Miss FirstName makes them sound much younger than just their first name. Of course I respect her however old she is. She's 30 or 31 I believe.

This is just pretentious and shows a total lack of respect. Age doesn't have shit to do with it. You are being snobby and rude.

Thanks for your opinion. It has nothing to do with me not respecting her. I just don't call people younger than me by Mr. or Mrs. I was taught as a child you call your elders Mr. and Mrs. It has never occurred to me that it was an issue. But bc of this thread, I went back and looked at all of the emails she sends and she either signs her first name or her first and last. So, as usual the Bump is more up in arms than real life.

bumpuser924057 · November 2013

KateMW said:

If a teacher is a PhD, which DD had one at her old school, they got called Dr. as did her head of school. I have pretty informal relationships with DDs teachers though, as in I'm FB friends with all of them from the past and present.

I think she was asking if you would call a medical doctor by their first name if they were younger than you, but I'm curious as to why a PhD younger than you deserves to be addressed formally but not the other teachers. The relationship between teacher and parent is (or should be) a professional one. I would be thoroughly irritated if I introduced myself as Mrs. K and the parent ignored that and used my first name to address me instead. And then when you're talking to your daughter about school, do you refer to the teacher by her first name?

notkateanymore · November 2013

SunnyDays26 said:

Sorry, I still don't think judging age= tittle.

OK.

notkateanymore · November 2013

Andrewsgal said:

But Kate do you call doctors younger than you by their first name too?

Nope, I call them Dr. Because they have earned a degree that came with a title. Getting a teaching degree doesn't give you a Mr. or Mrs. to put before your name. I don't call lawyers Mr. or Mrs., nor accountants or graphic designers. All have degrees but no title attached to them...just like a teacher. Oh and I do call my actual Drs by their first names, but not doctors I know through DHs work until they tell me too.

notkateanymore · November 2013

You're right, I'm wrong.

notkateanymore · November 2013

I find the age thing confusing because you have a teacher obviously older than you (but how do you know age?). Master's degree, same as me, but in their 40s or 50s, versus looking 16 (like me). Same qualifications. Why does one get a "mrs (last name) and I get a (hey, stephanie)? I worked just as hard at my degree + licensure exams.

Maybe you're right! I will rethink it from now on.

notkateanymore · November 2013

ThisIsBrea said:

FTR, lawyers do have a title, it's esquire. Feel free to address me as such from this moment on. Or even Attorney ThisIsBrea, it's what I've earned due to my schooling. Similar to teachers, who earned that Mr., Ms., and Mrs. title.

LOL OK.

notkateanymore · November 2013

auroraloo said:

I have two Masters of Arts. I would like you all to call me MaMa.

Miss Mama or Mrs?

Honestly though, I've never really thought about it being disrespectful, because I do respect them. But if it's really an issue and somebody would really feel like I didn't respect them if I didn't call them by Mr. or Mrs. in an email I would change my outlook on it.

dizzycooks · November 2013

KateMW said:

auroraloo said:

I have two Masters of Arts. I would like you all to call me MaMa.

Miss Mama or Mrs?

Honestly though, I've never really thought about it being disrespectful, because I do respect them. But if it's really an issue and somebody would really feel like I didn't respect them if I didn't call them by Mr. or Mrs. in an email I would change my outlook on it.

Maybe I'm a wimp, but I'd never have the balls to call someone out on it, but I'd make a little note to self about that person and sign all future communication mrs. k, no first name. Again maybe I'm not forward enough, but my communication is strictly about the child and I frankly don't have time to deal with parental stupidity which is how I would view it. Although Kate, it appears you have much less formal relationships at your daughter's school so that may just be a cultural difference if you will.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

Kate the point is no teacher is going to come out and say I don't feel like you respect me. They just won't. However the consensus in this thread from teachers is they feel it is disrespectful. Just something to keep in mind.

toadstool · November 2013

Andrewsgal said:

Kate the point is no teacher is going to come out and say I don't feel like you respect me. They just won't. However the consensus in this thread from teachers is they feel it is disrespectful. Just something to keep in mind.

And it is completely different if the teacher uses her first name and you respond by using her first name as well. Everyone pretty much agreed to that. It's not ok to take it upon yourself to use the teacher's first name and state the teacher's age as a reason.

penguingrrl · November 2013

I call a teacher Dr/Ms/Mrs/Mr Lastname until they say not to (if they do). I always call them by their formal title Lastname in front of the kids.

Julia's K teacher always kept with the formal name and I would never dream of calling her anything else since I was never invited to do otherwise. Her 1st grade teacher told all of us at Back to School night that her nickname is fine, so I use that in emails and in meetings where the kids aren't present since that's her preference (we're in touch frequently since I'm the class mom). This is something where I think it's best to follow the person's lead.

I'm not really comfortable being called Mrs Lastname, especially by other adults, so if they want to be called by their first name I gladly do it and understand.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

nowababy said:

I think this is a Southern thing? Calling only elders by Ms/Mrs/Mr.

No I was taught that mrs/ms is a sign of respect. I say it to everyone. It has nothing to do with age. My kids are taught to say it to all adults.

notkateanymore · November 2013

I love you all...

notkateanymore · November 2013

BLAME ME!!!! I'm totally OK with it.

I did go back and look at some other emails that I've sent to teachers at her school and if it's the first time I've emailed them or I don't "know" them, I've called them Mr. and Mrs, so I must not be all that bad! So put away the pitchforks, apparently I'm not such a disrespectful snob after all. Happy Day.

Though I still don't, as a rule, call anybody younger than me Mr. or Mrs. It's so odd to me...am I supposed to call DD's babysitter Miss Lastname? Or her piano teacher?

Andrewsgal · November 2013

I call my kids babysitter mrs Jessica to them, and when speaking in front of them. I have become more of a mentor/friend to her so I call her Jessica alone, she is after all 18. My kids other instructors dance, swimming etc are called mrs or mr first name as it is how they introduced themselves. I do call their swim instructors mr and mrs first name to their face too, even though they are in highschool or college. Sport team instructors are called coach. Such as coach dawn or coach Sean. I call anyone how they introduce themselves with the exception that I make my kids add on a ms/mrs/mr if they introduce themselves by their first name.

notkateanymore · November 2013

Andrewsgal said:

I call anyone how they introduce themselves with the exception that I make my kids add on a ms/mrs/mr if they introduce themselves by their first name.

This is true for me as well. And I always refer to teachers and other adults as Mrs/Miss/Mr LastName to DD. I asked DD today and she said both her teacher last year and this year, introduced themselves to the students with first and last names. I never even knew my teachers first names when I was young.

notkateanymore · November 2013

auroraloo said:

also, i never assume any female is a mrs, even if i know they're married. Women are ALWAYS Ms.

Yes, for sure.

pitterpatter129 · November 2013

KateMW said:

Though I still don't, as a rule, call anybody younger than me Mr. or Mrs. It's so odd to me...am I supposed to call DD's babysitter Miss Lastname? Or her piano teacher?

Yes. The piano teacher for sure. Our babysitter is 17. We call her Miss Ashley because that's what we want DS1 to call her. If it were an adult, not a high school student who is technically a child herself, yes, I would call her by Ms. Lastname. Always called the daycare workers Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss.

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