How do you balance it all?

jess123456 · November 2013

I hope this makes sense but I am really struggling with how to not allow my grief to take over every aspect of my life. It's almost like it has totally consumed me to the point where it is the only lense I see the world through. With losing our daughter and then losing four other babies I can't help but think that the worst things will happen again even if completely unrelated. I can see that it is ridiculous to feel this way but I can't seem to not see the world this way. It effects everything from relationships with friends to issues at work etc. I am meeting with a new therapist soon so obviously we will discuss this but does anyone else feel like it is almost impossible to be a loss mom and a normal, mental functioning human being in situations that don't even closely have anything to do with your children? Thanks as always.

angelsnight · November 2013

Ticker warning

As difficult as it is, it really is normal and a very sucky part of grief. Grief can affect us in so many ways possible. I am no therapist, but my thoughts are, the unimaginable happened and it happened to you. When you hear of bad things happening, it's usually to other people. So when we become a statistic, when something happens to us that statistically shouldn't happen, it's hard to convince ourselves that other unimaginable things won't happen.

My mom died almost 10 years ago and for the first year or so I was terrified of something happening to everyone else I loved. Of course her death had nothing to do with the life span of anyone else, her death wasn't contagious, but if people didn't call when they said they would, if they traveled anywhere, if they did anything outside of being at home, I worried all the time.

My MIL lost her first husband when they were very young, like 20. She went on to meet my FIL and had more children with him, but she said the first few years were so hard. If he even had a cold, she was convinced he was going to die. It's horrible, and I don't know a way around it, but I can tell you it gets better. Of course I still worry about other things happening, but it's not in the irrational way where I was just convinced it would. Hugs to you, I hope your therapist is able to help you. I've seen several and most of them have been like miracles for me.

shandorfml2 · November 2013

It is normal. I struggle with this myself and it is difficult to balance. Losing a child does impact every single piece of your life, even if it doesn't seem to. It changes us. I struggle with being bitter, and it has impacted my work. Making sure you do allow yourself to grieve is important (and something I need to continuously work on). If we don't let it out, it will overwhelm us and spill into other aspects of our lives. I've found therapy and participating in a support group helpful.

PiperS · November 2013

***pregnancy mentioned
It has affected every part of my life as well. sometimes I get irrationally angry or emotional about something that I normally would have just shrugged my shoulders about. Before I lost my baby I already had an rare miscarriage (triploidy), then got pregnant with identical twins (rare), and when I was having problems I told myself that my baby would be fine because I couldn't be at the small end of every statistic. it turns out that that wasn't true. now it's hard for me to be optimistic because I feel so unlucky. So I guess I don't have any advice but I can commiserate. GL sweetie. it helps to vent here.

mingaling2 · November 2013

angelsnight said:

Ticker warning

As difficult as it is, it really is normal and a very sucky part of grief. Grief can affect us in so many ways possible. I am no therapist, but my thoughts are, the unimaginable happened and it happened to you. When you hear of bad things happening, it's usually to other people. So when we become a statistic, when something happens to us that statistically shouldn't happen, it's hard to convince ourselves that other unimaginable things won't happen.

This. And the fact that the world keeps moving on like nothing happened when the worst thing that ever happened hurt you more than anything. It's a terrible juxtaposition right in front of our faces.

Want a personalized experience?

How do you balance it all?

Re: How do you balance it all?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards