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Blended Families
ambrvan
member
Need to get this out (not exactly BFR)
ambrvan
member
First of, this is LOOOOONG. Second, I may DD this, I'm not sure yet. And third, please don't make me sorry that I posted this here. I just needed to get my thoughts out.
A few of you may know that my dad is in prison and has been for a long time. I'm not getting into all that tonight. I just really need to talk to someone tonight and DH is working so I figured I could come here.
We have only five more years until he comes home. It might seem like forever to some, but to us it is just right around the corner. I can't seem to stop thinking about it lately. Ok not just "lately." Like for the last year I haven't been able to stop thinking about him coming home.
It's a source of happy excitement, but also anxiety and sadness, too.
He served most of his sentence at the same place, but he has spent the last two years at a really horrible, dangerous place. I think that is a big reason for my anxiety. I've worried over him and his safety a lot. They spend a good portion of time (I'm talking weeks at a time) kicked down due to violence and gang wars, and every time my grandmother or me go a few days without from him, we get worried. Sometimes it can be hard to get an answer from the personel at the facility. Dad tries to get a letter or to us whenever something happens so that we know why he hasn't called, but they are slow to get inmate mail or the door.
Good news though, he is getting transferred back to the old place by the end of this month after some incredible persistence from my grandmother. It will be a further drive for me but it will be closer to her.
My dad has also lost a lot of weight recently. As in he is 6 feet tall and weighs about 170lbs now (he has always been around 220lbs). It's been pretty rapid too. He had an ultrasound for an abdominal mass felt in palpation (that HE had to point out to the nurse that did his annual physical - he used to be a paramedic), and they never even gave him the results. He said he had had some pretty intense GI bleeding and back pain right where this mass sits (I can feel it too). I'm hoping it is nothing serious and that he can get proper medical attention at the facility he is being transferred to.
And very prematurely I am worrying about make sure we are all ready for when he comes home. I worry about how well he will adjust to life outside. I have no fear of him doing anything to get sent back, but I worry about the adjustment. I worry about the kids asking questions that I haven't yet had to even be faced with. The most I have had to say to SD in response to a question is that he broke the law and he has to accept responsibility for his actions and stay in jail for a while.
I worry about trying to be his mother and staying him out when he is/will be stressed enough already. I already kind of treat him like a child sometimes. And I am honestly really afraid of who will be walking out of those gates. Not afraid of him exactly, but afraid of the unknown. He is most definitely not the same person he was 13 years ago. In some ways that is a great thing. But there are still so many other uncertainties.
I love my dad very much, though. And I can't wait for that part of my life to start up again. Part of it stopped 13 years ago.
If you got this far, congratulations and thank you. I may DD this. I don't know. I was just feeling a little down tonight and needed to get this out. Please don't make me regret sharing this, ladies.
A few of you may know that my dad is in prison and has been for a long time. I'm not getting into all that tonight. I just really need to talk to someone tonight and DH is working so I figured I could come here.
We have only five more years until he comes home. It might seem like forever to some, but to us it is just right around the corner. I can't seem to stop thinking about it lately. Ok not just "lately." Like for the last year I haven't been able to stop thinking about him coming home.
It's a source of happy excitement, but also anxiety and sadness, too.
He served most of his sentence at the same place, but he has spent the last two years at a really horrible, dangerous place. I think that is a big reason for my anxiety. I've worried over him and his safety a lot. They spend a good portion of time (I'm talking weeks at a time) kicked down due to violence and gang wars, and every time my grandmother or me go a few days without from him, we get worried. Sometimes it can be hard to get an answer from the personel at the facility. Dad tries to get a letter or to us whenever something happens so that we know why he hasn't called, but they are slow to get inmate mail or the door.
Good news though, he is getting transferred back to the old place by the end of this month after some incredible persistence from my grandmother. It will be a further drive for me but it will be closer to her.
My dad has also lost a lot of weight recently. As in he is 6 feet tall and weighs about 170lbs now (he has always been around 220lbs). It's been pretty rapid too. He had an ultrasound for an abdominal mass felt in palpation (that HE had to point out to the nurse that did his annual physical - he used to be a paramedic), and they never even gave him the results. He said he had had some pretty intense GI bleeding and back pain right where this mass sits (I can feel it too). I'm hoping it is nothing serious and that he can get proper medical attention at the facility he is being transferred to.
And very prematurely I am worrying about make sure we are all ready for when he comes home. I worry about how well he will adjust to life outside. I have no fear of him doing anything to get sent back, but I worry about the adjustment. I worry about the kids asking questions that I haven't yet had to even be faced with. The most I have had to say to SD in response to a question is that he broke the law and he has to accept responsibility for his actions and stay in jail for a while.
I worry about trying to be his mother and staying him out when he is/will be stressed enough already. I already kind of treat him like a child sometimes. And I am honestly really afraid of who will be walking out of those gates. Not afraid of him exactly, but afraid of the unknown. He is most definitely not the same person he was 13 years ago. In some ways that is a great thing. But there are still so many other uncertainties.
I love my dad very much, though. And I can't wait for that part of my life to start up again. Part of it stopped 13 years ago.
If you got this far, congratulations and thank you. I may DD this. I don't know. I was just feeling a little down tonight and needed to get this out. Please don't make me regret sharing this, ladies.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need to get this out (not exactly BFR)
As for the rest, you are right, 5 years isn't that far away. However, there really is nothing you can do except be honest with the kids and yourself, and it sounds like you are on the right track there. Be supportive of him, in ways that evolve naturally. You are a smart lady, you will see where he needs help and where he needs you to back off. When it gets closer, working out the practicals will be most important. Where he will live, etc. Those are tangible things with clear answers (maybe not easy answers but clear). The emotional stuff is harder. Look into support groups or therapists that can help. You may want to contact social services to see if they have any reccomendations.
I will say it again, bc it should be repeated. You are so different than the girl who came here looking for advice about your SDs situation. There was no doubt you were young, scared, and maybe a bit naive. However you have grown into a strong, determined, woman, right before our very eyes. You should be proud of yourself for all you have overcome and accomplished. Pat yourself on the back and repeat it to yourself often. No doubt you will handle this situation with dignity and grace when it comes upon you.
I agree the most important thing right now is making sure he gets his transfer and then gets proper medical attention. But I just don't know how. I hope it's not much of a fight.
My mamaw is normally the one who is good at getting things done for him like this, but this health issue is not something he has talked to her about. He doesn't want to worry her more than he has to. So I am all he has on this issue.
The charge was serious in nature. I am not going to disclose it at this time. I believe I have in the past, years ago, but I am not bringing it up again at this time. He is not in the federal system, though. He is in the state department of corrections.