Ebf

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

Lo was taking a bottle great but then dh got lazy and never wanted to help. I offer bottles during the day with no luck.

So my inlaws are coming for thanksgiving and my mil keeps asking if she will be able to feed him. I told her I was trying to offer but I feel like she is pissed with how I raise my children.

Dd didn't take a bottle either and both my children safely co-sleep. This is how I choose to raise my children and it works for me.

Mil makes comments about how the kids don't eat from bottles and about our sleeping situation. I feel like ya my children co sleep leave it at that and stop being rude.

Anyways question is how do I approach her attitude? I like her but I am sick of the comments, they are my children not hers. Also I don't wAnt to come off as rude. What would you do?

RoosterMemphis · November 2013

Tell her to mind her own fucking beeswax.

But no really, I would stop paying attention to it, and let it die of neglect.

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

Haha this is what I want to tell her, but you know. I don't think this woman gives up she's been on me for four years ( that's how old dd is and I breast fed until she was three so oh ya doesn't go away)

But thanks rooster

coraggiosa · November 2013

I'd tell her to mind her own damn business. How you feed your children is none of her business. Where your children sleep is none of her business.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about being rude, considering she's the one being extremely rude to begin with.

I would just say something like this: "MIL, I am not interested in talking with you about how I feed my children or where they sleep. This is all that I am going to say on this matter, and if you bring it up again, I will not respond."

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

Maybe I guess it's not what to say maybe I need to grow some balls can I barrow someone's for a day please

RoosterMemphis · November 2013

Ffrey1119 said:
Haha this is what I want to tell her, but you know. I don't think this woman gives up she's been on me for four years ( that's how old dd is and I breast fed until she was three so oh ya doesn't go away)

But thanks rooster

If that's the case, can you just tell her flat out that you won't be having that kind of talk in your house? If it really has been 4 years, and she hasn't let down at all, are you putting off a vibe that makes her feel like she can keep it up? Because usually people lose interest if they are being ignored.

I have a ridiculously insane mother that it so mean and rude it's disgusting. The only thing I can do is ignore it, and even she has stopped saying some of the things she has said because nobody listens to her. Just a thought. I know it sucks. It's such a shitty feeling when family isn't comforting and warm.

Soleil3 · November 2013

Get some backbone and put it behind your words. No means no, my decisions are not up for discussion. Would you like some tea?

LJUTCMommy · November 2013

I understand. I am sheepish too.

Normally when someone interrogates me about co-sleeping/ ebf / Waiting til 6 mos to intro solids/ all the other "weird stuff" I do, I claim it is what the pedi recommends.

I also point out that new research discourages whatever they're trying to make me do (rice cereal, CIO).

For some reason, people tend to back off after that. Good luck @ffrey1119

boymamaco · November 2013

I would discuss with your husband and let him talk with his mother. When we were last visiting in laws I did exactly that - was very specific with DH about what to say and let him take care of it.

BlondieBia21 · November 2013

Simple,
Tell her she raised her children how she wanted, and you will raise yours how you want. Then tell her to stfu.

Eta- I can't spell.

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2013

Yea, I don't get the issue here. Like you said their your kids. Tell her that.

carrotcake06 · November 2013

I avoid confrontation like the plague. I'd either ignore or shrug and say "it works for us".

TurtleMomma · November 2013

Do not respond to her questions/nagging, but instead respond with a nonsenical statement or question.

Example: Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Example: I once saw a rooster get sucked into a jet engine and survive!
Example: What time is the clown supposed to arrive? I got the leather chaps he asked for but I have no idea why he needs a whip.

Get creative! It disrupts their train of thought and they often forget their complaint/criticism in the process. And its funny as shit to see their responses.

BuckyC · November 2013

TurtleMomma said:
Do not respond to her questions/nagging, but instead respond with a nonsenical statement or question.

Example: Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Example: I once saw a rooster get sucked into a jet engine and survive!
Example: What time is the clown supposed to arrive? I got the leather chaps he asked for but I have no idea why he needs a whip.

Get creative! It disrupts their train of thought and they often forget their complaint/criticism in the process. And its funny as shit to see their responses.

I'm going to start using this technique in class when my students ask ridiculous questions. (I teach high school, so I won't be messing with the minds of little ones.)

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

Thanks ladies for all the responses, @ rooster sometimes I tell her what she wants to here but I like the idea of ignoring her!

But I am going to def try and get some courage I appreciate all the support

WheeLinTheSky3 · November 2013

coraggiosa said:

I'd tell her to mind her own damn business. How you feed your children is none of her business. Where your children sleep is none of her business.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about being rude, considering she's the one being extremely rude to begin with.

I would just say something like this: "MIL, I am not interested in talking with you about how I feed my children or where they sleep. This is all that I am going to say on this matter, and if you bring it up again, I will not respond."

this. the more you let these comments go unanswered, the more she will do it. You don't have to be rude to stand up for yourself. "Thank you for your thoughts MIL but we are comfortable with how we are raising our kids and I would appreciate if you stopped making negative comments" Or better yet, let her son do it. Where is your DH in all of this?

Ffrey1119 · November 2013

I don't really involve dh, I have told him about it but he knows how his mom is. And we live 600 miles away so we only deal with it around holidays.

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2013

TurtleMomma said:
Do not respond to her questions/nagging, but instead respond with a nonsenical statement or question.

Example: Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Example: I once saw a rooster get sucked into a jet engine and survive!
Example: What time is the clown supposed to arrive? I got the leather chaps he asked for but I have no idea why he needs a whip.

Get creative! It disrupts their train of thought and they often forget their complaint/criticism in the process. And its funny as shit to see their responses.

OMG I chocked on my water when I read this! Classic @turtlemomma!!!

BlueJewelM · November 2013

If my husband knew how much MIL comments bugged me, he would have a discussion with her.

I have a great relationship with my MIL but I have a SIL that was really rude to me. DH heard about it and confronted her about it ASAP. Things have been a lot better since! Whatever you decide to do, do it quickly! They will be around for life....

TurtleMomma · November 2013

CaliforniaDream87 said:

OMG I chocked on my water when I read this! Classic @turtlemomma!!!

I live to please

BuckyC said:

TurtleMomma said:
Do not respond to her questions/nagging, but instead respond with a nonsenical statement or question.

Example: Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Example: I once saw a rooster get sucked into a jet engine and survive!
Example: What time is the clown supposed to arrive? I got the leather chaps he asked for but I have no idea why he needs a whip.

Get creative! It disrupts their train of thought and they often forget their complaint/criticism in the process. And its funny as shit to see their responses.
I'm going to start using this technique in class when my students ask ridiculous questions. (I teach high school, so I won't be messing with the minds of little ones.)

I learned this from a HS teacher when I was being bullied by my classmates