Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · November 2013

Welcome to our checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

bunnybun4 · November 2013

((hugs)) to anyone that needs them today.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? such a loaded question...I am currently going thru my third pregnancy loss of the year...complete with my angelversary next thursday. it's been a bitch of a year. this loss doesn't feel as hard which I can only sadly explain by saying that i am just getting used to the heartbreak. I am also waiting to mc so there also isn't any closure yet.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve it? honestly right now it is just trying to get thru the next few weeks...I have a d&c scheduled for the monday before Thanksgiving if I don't mc naturally before then. Then DH and I are going ahead to Repeat Loss testing...I put in a call to an RE today to possibly go that route but I haven't heard back yet. I do feel good about getting tested and hopefully getting a better result next time.

QOTW? I usually cry alone or in front of poor DH...there have been a few instances where I have lost it in front of others but luckily not too many times. I cry a lot in the car as soon as I leave work...I cry on my couch at home with my dogs cuddling up to me and wondering why I am upset.

Open Topic- What's on your mind this week?how I never thought in a million years that this is where my life would be....how differently my life was a year ago...happily expecting a baby girl. Just how unfair having a late loss is and then to have two consecutive miscarriages on top of that and most couples just have a baby with no problems.

sorry for the downer post today...

CRUN2012 · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
-I had my follow up appointment with my OB and I returned to work today for the first time since we lost Carter.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
-My next goal is to put everything away and in its place that we received from other people. Also to plant a tree in our yard and pick out a headstone to go above Carter's gravesite.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry?
-I basically allow myself to cry whenever and wherever it hits me. I frankly don't care if I'm making people uncomfortable or not. Most of the time though I don't 'ugly cry' unless I'm at home but still if anyone is there I don't stop myselfm

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
-I am excited to get the go-ahead to work out again and I'm surprisingly happy to work with my clients again as they offer a much needed distraction for me right now.

shandorfml2 · November 2013

Hi everyone..I hate to see so many new people around here

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Went to therapy which was good. I'll be going more often now. I let myself cry, which was good too.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make it through the darn holidays

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry?
Haha, speaking of crying. I usually wait to cry...sometimes I can't help it if I'm talking about her with friends or family, which is fine. If I get teary at work i'll go to my office and shut the door. I usually cry in the car. I feel safe to cry at home but I don't like doing it alone

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?The upcoming holidays and how she is supposed to be here.

shandorfml2 · November 2013

marylaurena said:

((hugs)) to anyone that needs them today.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? such a loaded question...I am currently going thru my third pregnancy loss of the year...complete with my angelversary next thursday. it's been a bitch of a year. this loss doesn't feel as hard which I can only sadly explain by saying that i am just getting used to the heartbreak. I am also waiting to mc so there also isn't any closure yet.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve it? honestly right now it is just trying to get thru the next few weeks...I have a d&c scheduled for the monday before Thanksgiving if I don't mc naturally before then. Then DH and I are going ahead to Repeat Loss testing...I put in a call to an RE today to possibly go that route but I haven't heard back yet. I do feel good about getting tested and hopefully getting a better result next time.
QOTW? I usually cry alone or in front of poor DH...there have been a few instances where I have lost it in front of others but luckily not too many times. I cry a lot in the car as soon as I leave work...I cry on my couch at home with my dogs cuddling up to me and wondering why I am upset.
Open Topic- What's on your mind this week?how I never thought in a million years that this is where my life would be....how differently my life was a year ago...happily expecting a baby girl. Just how unfair having a late loss is and then to have two consecutive miscarriages on top of that and most couples just have a baby with no problems.
sorry for the downer post today...

huge hugs..... don't worry about the downer post! We get it.

jonahsma · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Prayer and attending church.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm going to start exercising ,i plan to start running soon.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? I cry in front of my dh, my mom, my kids. Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I let the loud sobbing happen in the shower or when i'm lying in bed

Open Topic. What is on our mind this week? I need to pull myself together
For my family
They need me...

stefuge · November 2013

Hi ladies

New steps towards healing: Not necessarily a good thing, but the anger is definitely drifting in and out. Just another step is this grief journey, I suppose. This weekend we are having a memorial for Colton as well as running in a 5k in his honor. I think this will be a step towards healing, being able to spend the weekend with family, talking about our loss and grieving together.

Next Goal for myself: to determine a plan for another pregnancy. We aren't for sure that we want to try again, but I feel like I can't really make that decision until I have an idea of what it would look like this time around. I realize it is completely out of my control, but I want to at least have an idea of my doctors plan.

QOTW: It really just depends on the situation. I cry by myself, I cry with my DH, I cry with friends, it just depends. I feel like I literally cannot control my tears, and if the grief hits, there usually isn't any way to stop the tears.

Open Topic: With Colton's memorial this weekend I feel like I have been going going going all week to get ready, get the house ready for guests, get plans ready for the memorial, get details worked out for the 5k, and all I want to do is climb in bed and cry. I'm worried that I'm going to be so obsessed with the details of this weekend (like I have been all week) that I'm going to miss the point - grieving the loss of our little boy. I need to slow down and just breathe it in, but I don't when that will come.

stefuge · November 2013

@marylaurena - I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish there was something more I could say. ((hugs))

@CourtRunde - first day back to work is tough - glad you got through it. Good luck with your goals, those are bound to be tough and emotional.

@shandorfml2 - I'm dreading the holidays too, I think we all are. I just keep telling myself that right now, it's okay to be a little selfish and say no.

@jonahsma - I hope you find comfort in your faith, I know it has been a huge comfort for myself and DH.

@aragosta - Good job getting through the first week of work. Hang in there, day by day. Thinking of you ((hugs))

PiperS · November 2013

*** pregnancy and DD mentioned

I hope it's ok if I join the check in. I lost my baby girl Alexandra at nearly 20 weeks. I'm still carrying her and her identical twin sister.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I wad able to talk about my pregnancy with a co-worker without tearing up or immediately changing the subject. That's a big step for me because it's been 9 weeks and I have barely been able to talk about pregnancy/loss with anyone but DH.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I have to accept that I'm only bringing one baby home and start to get ready for her. I haven't bought her anything yet because the thought of only buying one is so hard for me.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I cried a lot in front DH and DD in the beginning. Now I try and hide it. I especially hate crying in front of my almost two-year old. I usually cry in the middle of the night.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
My DD turns 2 on Monday. we are having a party for her. even with everything we have been through she has brought so much joy into our home. It hasn't Breen an easy road for us. She is also a rainbow baby.

neptunebljc · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I have been trying o be more active on the board. You ladies really help me feel like I'm not crazy

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
My next goal is to follow up on a possiblr job opportunity that aroise on Monday. I need to muster up some lackingnself confidence and go there and talk myself up.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I cry when I need too. I will also be sad that I loss the chance to bring my Bean home. Sometimes things make me cry, crying is normal and people need to deal with it, accept it and move on. He is part of whom I am now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Deciding whether or not I am ready to TTC. I find out Dec 5 if there was anything in my blood work. I'm just not sure I'm ready to decide if I'm ready till after that appointment.

shandorfml2 · November 2013

PiperS said:

*** pregnancy and DD mentioned I hope it's ok if I join the check in. I lost my baby girl Alexandra at nearly 20 weeks. I'm still carrying her and her identical twin sister. Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I wad able to talk about my pregnancy with a co-worker without tearing up or immediately changing the subject. That's a big step for me because it's been 9 weeks and I have barely been able to talk about pregnancy/loss with anyone but DH. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I have to accept that I'm only bringing one baby home and start to get ready for her. I haven't bought her anything yet because the thought of only buying one is so hard for me. QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I cried a lot in front DH and DD in the beginning. Now I try and hide it. I especially hate crying in front of my almost two-year old. I usually cry in the middle of the night. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

My DD turns 2 on Monday. we are having a party for her. even with everything we have been through she has brought so much joy into our home. It hasn't Breen an easy road for us. She is also a rainbow baby.

(((big hugs)))))

PiperS said:

*** pregnancy and DD mentioned I hope it's ok if I join the check in. I lost my baby girl Alexandra at nearly 20 weeks. I'm still carrying her and her identical twin sister. Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I wad able to talk about my pregnancy with a co-worker without tearing up or immediately changing the subject. That's a big step for me because it's been 9 weeks and I have barely been able to talk about pregnancy/loss with anyone but DH. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I have to accept that I'm only bringing one baby home and start to get ready for her. I haven't bought her anything yet because the thought of only buying one is so hard for me. QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I cried a lot in front DH and DD in the beginning. Now I try and hide it. I especially hate crying in front of my almost two-year old. I usually cry in the middle of the night. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

My DD turns 2 on Monday. we are having a party for her. even with everything we have been through she has brought so much joy into our home. It hasn't Breen an easy road for us. She is also a rainbow baby.

VyD81 · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Attended a loss meeting on Tuesday and had a hard time telling my story. I made through it with tears streaming down my face, the ladies and social worker were very supportive.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 2 goals: Getting involve with the local loss charity group "Angel Kisses". Getting my mind ready to start grad school in Jan, received my acceptance letter on Friday and broke down. I happily pushed school back because I was going to bring home a baby, and now my baby is in an urn

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? I mainly cry at home, and don't hold back because I hold it all day long at work. I try not to cry when I see newborn babies or pass through the baby sections of the store but breakdown when I get in the car.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? DH wants to TTC in the next few months, not sure if I'm ready emotionally. We would need to go back to the RE, and I'm paranoid that my body is not ready for the process.

kz's_girlygirl · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? On Wednesday I went to a local Infertility and Loss support group- I have gone before, but this was my first time going as an infertile+loss person, so that was hard. I told my story and was really unemotional and clinical about it which I felt bad for, but it's the only way I could get it out.

I am planning to go every month.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My next goal is to lost 10lbs by Feb. which is when we want to do our next IVF. It isn't a lot of weight, but I am such a snacker and love wine, lol. DH and I have started going back to the gym together, most days of the week, so as long as I can control when I put in my mouth, I should make it. (I always feel so cheesy when my goals are related to weightloss, but oh well)

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? The first couple of weeks I cried pretty much all day and night, but lately I have tried to just cry when I am alone. I have gotten teared up while I'm out, but I try to leave if there are going to be tears I can't stop.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? The Holiday's- DH's mom is being really insensitive about my need to NOT go to the X-mas eve pageant that her church puts on. I just can't do it.

stefuge · November 2013

@PiperS - will be thinking of you with your DDs birthday coming. ((Hugs))

@neptunebljc - you are definitely not crazy! This is an incredibly hard journey. Good luck with the new job. I totally understand the hesitation about TTC again. Some days I'm sure i want to try again and then others, I just don't know,

@VyD81 - good for you for going to the loss meeting, I'm sure that was difficult. I understand stressing about TTC again, it's a tough decision.

@kz's_girlygirl - I'm glad you went to the support group, even though it was difficult. And I understand the weight loss goal, I feel like that needs to be one of mine as well. As for the holidays, I feel like, at least for this year, I'm going to be a little selfish and saying no to some things. ((Hugs))

sunflwra · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Still new to this whole thing. Tomorrow will be the first day I'm home by myself (not going back to work until after Thanksgiving). Not sure what the best steps will be for me to move forward right now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make a plan on how I'm going to handle everything with seeing family for the first time next week. Also trying to get ok with the fact that my cousin may have just had his baby boy and my aunt and uncle will probably be visiting and gushing a bit over him. I know that they will do their best to be sensitive to us and what's happened but I also don't want them to feel like they can't be happy for this exciting time.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? Right now, I cry in front of anyone that it happens in front of but that's mainly random hospital strangers and my husband/mom. I really just don't know how I'm going to deal with going back to work in a few weeks when at this point, I cry every time I get the "How are you doing?" question.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? All of the above. Really thankful for you ladies

mingaling2 · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I my first grief counseling appointment tomorrow.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I want to really simplify things. I want to stop overcommitting myself and my time.

QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? Do you have a safe place you go to to cry?

I try not to in front of others. I just don't want to do it around people who I'm not close to, you know? My safe place is always home. I try not to scare or worry my daughter, but it just comes out sometimes.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

The holidays. I am not really looking forward to them at all.

diamante1181 · November 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We just got back tonight from a week spent in Puerto Rico. It was a really nice time for us to reconnect without constant physical reminders of the loss of our twins, although that didn't stop it from coming up at all. We went to church while we were there, and that seemed to help.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? We are thinking of jointly doing a "diet" and workout routine to lose some of the extra weight we seem to have.
Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Yes, as I never cancelled my gym membership, we are going to hit it up soon.
QOTW: Do you allow yourself to cry in front of others or do you wait until you are alone? I can get choked up a little in front of people, but I have only cried in front of my husband (of course), my close cousin, and my older brother. I usually try to keep the crying to myself, because it makes me uncomfortable to know that I am probably making others uncomfortable, as I can not be consoled.
Do you have a safe place you go to to cry? In bed, usually.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Getting pregnant again is on my mind heavily. The fact that I miss my babies and will never have them is top of the list.

stefuge · November 2013

@sunflwra - I hope the first day home went okay, it can be tough without things to distract you. Just take it a day at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself. (( hugs))

@mingaling2 - good luck with the grief counseling, it has really been a help for my DH and I, and I hope it will be for you as well.

@diamante1181 - I'm glad the trip to Puerto Rico went well, as well as church. Our faith has been a huge comfort to me and DH. Good luck with the exercise, I have found exercising to be a help for me as well, a way to let out some frustrations and anger, and feel better about myself.

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