3 incident reports from DC

SparkySharky · November 2013

The first was when a kid bit our DS's hand after he stuck it in the kid's mouth. The second was when the kid just bit down on DS's arm (the biter had bitten the third kid in the infant room, too). The third was when a kid was trying to get by our son and "scratched" him, but it looks more like bruising (3 red dots).

There are 3 infants in the room including our son. Our DS and another LO are almost a year old. The third LO is 15 months old. The third one was the biter and we kind of assume he's the one who probably caused the latest injury. He's a lot bigger than the 12-mo-olds. He has also only been with the program about 4-6 weeks, during which time all of these injuries have occurred.

I'm going to ask my doctor about the bruising. My DH and I are worried about just how much force the kid had to use to make these bruises and if it could have happened in a short time. The first two injuries cleared up pretty quickly - within a day or two - and I assume these bruises will, too; but I need some perspective.

I know kids get hurt and I don't want to be a helicopter mom. That said, is this kid too big to be in with 2 12-mo-olds? Should I be asking that this other kid be placed in another room with bigger kids? Should I be worried about whether the kids are being watched closely enough? FWIW, my son didn't cry during the third incident, but still not sure how long they would have been left playing unsupervised for this to happen, i.e., how long it takes for grabbing to cause bruises. The infants typically transition into another room at a year until 18 mos, but I don't think the arrangements are going to change.

I'm a FTM and on our first "institutionalized" DC. I'm just not sure what is normal, but I also don't want my son to be hurt AT ALL much less so frequently, if it can be prevented.

Perspective, ladies, please!

KayteeGee · November 2013

Frankly, I think you're overreacting, but I TOTALLY understand why you would - I kind of freaked out when my DS first started daycare, it's hard stuff.

You say 3 incident reports, but in how many days?
Also, I'm not one to be upset about biting, unless it's chronic - and 2, with one being after your child put his hand in the biter's mouth (because really, he put his hand in the kids mouth) is not chronic.

The reason I don't freak about biting is because KIDS BITE. They just do... and it's very, very likely that sometime in the next 18mos your child will be the biter. Unless we're talking about broken skin or severe bruising and/or it's not multiple times a day every day (because that's bad supervision), I chalk it up to toddlers being toddlers. And I'm always secretly thankful my little dude was the one who was nipped, not the nipper (judge if you will - I've been on both sides of this)

My Ds is super super pale, and because he's "all boy" he's always got bruises popping up.

that said, if bruises are bad enough for you to go to the doc, that's a TOTALLY different thing... but if that was the case I don't think you'd say you assume they'll clear up in a day or two or be asking for perspective ...

My advice, knowing only this, is to take a deep breath and know that as they start walking, learning about balance, developing their motor skills and engaging their curiosity they're going to get bumps and bruises.

Definitely talk to the daycare teacher if you think it's warranted or even if it makes you feel more comfortable though.

And I'm not judging you - promise! I've been there, really.

katiegal · November 2013

My daughter has also been bit but I fully believe that she provoked it. She hit this boy and he bit her back. I am also secretly thankful that she's not the "biter" but I know that she's no angel. The mom calked and apologized and was mortified and I actually felt really bad for her and told her not to worry about it. They're toddlers, that's what they do.

AmberDerek · November 2013

This is totally normal behavior.

LoCarb · November 2013

I understand the concern but totally normal at this age, unfortunately, biting can be an example and set precedence for future biters; your LO may become one. Ask the teachers what they are doing to stop the behavior ie: shadowing. And yes, it may be as simple as the biter outgrew the class and needs to move up. Same situation in every DC. Sry, your LO is victim.

82Sonia · November 2013

I used to freak out when we got incident reports. DD hit herself in the face with rattle and got a little tiny spot on her forehead. I thought they weren't supervising her well enough. How could they let this happen?!

Then DD started biting babies when she was teething, bonking herself on the head with rattles at home - how could I let that happen?!

I watched her pull another baby down by her hair to get around her so she could get to me at the end of the day. Then I realized that this is just how babies are. I think you're justified to be concerned because you're a mom but really, it's probably just par for the course.

SunAndRain · November 2013

Thanks to these boards I knew that biting and incident reports were par for the daycare course. DD, now 16 months, has been on both the giving and receiving end. Minor bruising, didn't other her by the time I came to pick her up. Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I like how the daycare teaches them to say "I'm sorry", even before they can talk. I think they pet the other child's arm. And I agree with PP: I'd be more concerned that they let you know who the biter is; that is inappropriate.

BeeGirl2 · November 2013

I think it is hard as a parent to make the transition from -parent to an infant to -parent to a toddler... They start to fall and bruise and bite but the fact that working moms have them do it under someone else's supervision and not their own it throws everything into question.... Quality of care included. It sounds to me the slightly older child may be more ready to transition to an older classroom... so if you are feeling like this then talk to the director.... BUT with that being said, you chose a facility you trusted and you have to assume to some degree they would place kids where they felt appropriate. As your baby grows you will see the bites and bruises more and more but once you see your child also contributes to the injuries you will feel better chalking it up to toddlerhood. With all that being said I would really really not hesitate to talk to the facility if your concerned. As the ones caring for your baby they will give you the best perspective!

mommymegan831 · November 2013

If you were to say anything to DC I'd focus on your concern about them supervising and leave the kid out of it. This LO is still transitioning into your DC and it would be really unfair to him, just as he's getting used to one room to push in into another. Plus, you're talking about a kid who is 3 months older than your LO, it's really not much of a difference. The rooms are seperated by age because the kids are at different developmental stages, not by size. You may want to work on getting your son not to stick his hand into anyone's mouth, because chances are, he'll get bit. It would just really bother me if some mom starts complaining about my son and asking him to be in a different room when he just started a new daycare. It's uncomfortable and a difficult adjustment enough w/out other parents commenting

kanga1622Wed220857 · November 2013

I'm not going to be much help. My kids are in an in home daycare and after I went back after maternity leave, my 3.5 year old can home injured 3 times in the first month. All 3 times it was younger kids biting/pinching him and at least one time was completely unprovoked (DH saw it happen at pickup).

It has totally stopped now so we are hoping the other two kids have accepted him back in their group. Some kids are just biters and even with correction it can take time to sink in.

emberlee3 · November 2013

DD is 17 months, and we get an incident report about once a week--falls, bites, bumps, etc. She also gets a lot of injuries at home. It's all normal.

CYBURRCHIC · November 2013

Surprised they told you who the biter was. My DS bite someone who stuck fingers in his mouth and they wouldn't tell me who it was. I wanted to apologize, but understand that parents can get confrontational and why they don't release the names. I wouldn't make a big deal about the older child but instead ask about how it is dealt with (I.e. attention to interactions with biter etc). There really isn't anything else you can do. These kids are teething and frustrated.

plus12012 · November 2013

The way you described the bruising on your LO's arm sounds to me like it could've been from a pinch. As a former DC assistant director I can tell you that incidents like biting, scratching, pinching can happen very fast, even with constant supervision. That said I know it doesn't make it any easier to see your LO with marks on them. Your center should have a policy about when kids can move out of the infant room. It's possible the older child hasn't reached those milestones yet or the next class up may not have a space available.

SparkySharky · November 2013

There are more kids in the 12-18 mo range, so it's possible that DS will be placed with other kids. But the difference is a little bigger than what I said originally. The "big" kid was 15 mos when he started 2 weeks after DS started. DS was 10 months. So now the "big" kid is more like 17 mos. I think my DS still has him for a few more weeks.

That all aside, however, I'm happy to be overreacting. The idea that I should do something about every bump and bruise or risk being a bad parent, was daunting. And it sucks to worry that my LO could have avoided something bad if only I had been a better parent.

Thanks for the perspective, all! Seriously invaluable feedback.

#:-S

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