Just found this
nurrieum
member
· The mother usually has custody of her child if she is not married when the child is born.
· The mother can make decisions for the child and has the right to take care of the child.
· The father can "acknowledge" paternity.
· This means he says he is the father.
If the father does this, then he and the mother both have rights to be with the child"What does it mean to "acknowledge paternity"?
· Iowa law does not define all the ways a man can "acknowledge" paternity.
· The word "acknowledge" refers to when a man admits that he is the father of the child.
· The man takes some action showing that he is the father.
· This act could be:
·
· Signing a paternity affidavit
· Signing the child's birth certificate
· Providing support to the child and mother
· Telling someone that
the child is his son or daughter."
My DH has signed the birth certificate and provides child support to the state for his medicaid as well as has
verbally acknowledged paternity since birth.
· When paternity is acknowledged within a "reasonable" time after birth of a child:
·
Both parents have an equal claim to custody, until a court decides
differently""
And please correct me if I'm wrong- but because he's established paternity (see bolded) that until we go to court
they both have equal rights- because that was my understanding of the above. Which means- she can't "take our rights away"
like she thinks she can. Which means the next time she threatens- we can say exactly that- She did not establish our rights- he did by
acknowledging paternity- therefore it is not up to her to remove them unless she gets a lawyer and takes us to court. (Which we hope to do first
but sure as hell aren't going to indicate that to her).
Thoughts?
Re: Just found this
The biggest bottom line is however that she doesn't like being a mom. She doesn't know how to deal with it day in and day out. There's some mental instability there- that has always worked in our favor because she doesn't have a good family support system and doesn't want to keep him. She likes playing mommy short term and certainly likes saving face to her friends but SS has since birth always spent more time with his father. She can't hack it. So, if she tries this little game- I don't think it will last- but we're pretty much through with putting up with this BS altogether.
Ok, you say you have him more but who does he physcially live with the most. It can't be perfectly even and You can't count time away from BM with babysitters as time she doesn't have him because techincally he is still in her custody at that time.
Like does he spend more nights with you than in her custody (whether she is actually with him or not)?
From the way your law reads, it is similar to mine where without a custody order both parents have the same rights. Which means you could not allow her to have him back at anypoint and she could do the same. I definitely suggest getting a CO. I filed for a CO for my DD immediately because I didn't want her BD running off with her or keeping her from me and that also gave him set visitation so I felt comfortable with me handing her over to him and not worry about not getting her back.
The problem is you all have the same misconceptions a lot of people do in that the BM can take away your rights. She can't but you don't have anything protecting your rights unless you have a CO. She does not have any more right then you at this point, but technically at this point she doesn't have to let you have him either. Same the other way around.
XH got real pissy about having to pay child support. He honest to god talked about signing ove his rites but claimed he would still pay me himself. He hated the idea of the courts telling him how much and holding him accountable. I mentioned it laughingly to my lawyer and he scoffed at it. He said in Iowa, even tho you want to give up your rites you can't! The court will not allow a parent to bail on their child. Even if i agreed to let XH do that, the courts won't allow it to happen. Ever.
Honey, you and your husband have so much more power than you realize. Quit listening to her. Take the information and USE it against her. Hold your cards close tho. Do not let her know you are ahead of her. Thst way she cannot counteract you or be prepared in any way.
Honest to God i really do not think you will lose this one. Rack up your case for primary custody and go win this one.
We're going for it. Thank you!
Thank you for the list, we just got the news we get SS tonight, she tired baiting me into a fight, that was a tick irritating but we get him, figures Friday night is party night. I also called a family law office, they have someone taking cases and we're going to talk to him, just see what he says. It may be possible to come up with money sooner so we'll see.thanks again.
This whole thing has had my anxiety ratcheted up very high. Ugh. Thanks for the support.
Don't do it without a lawyer.
I don't know that I would tell her you are worried about her kidnapping him unless she really does threaten to. She doesn't sound too smart so more than likely you'd be able to find her, and you can get court orders to get your son back. Don't do anything to encourage her or put ideas in her head. Honestly though, I think as much as she threatens...it's just that. More bark than bite. You are more valuable to her as a babysitter than she lets on. So just let her do her thing. Don't criticize. Don't take the bait. Just be proud of the fact that you ARE going to one up her and you WILL get primary custody. This is a no brainer and the court would be idiots not to give it to you
it.
Yeah, we're not going to go take steps regarding kidnapping fears until we feel that is a more valid threat. We probably won't change his preschool eitherjust because I think he needs that structure.
We're looking at lawyers right now, we're being upfront that unless they have flexible payments we can't start this until tax time, we're going to see what they tell us.
I don't want her to have the power to ruffle me or make me bitter. This week has been an exercise in my self control and personal beliefs on love and forgiveness. I think we finally have the balls we need to get past the fear though. We put up with stuff for a long time because we thought it was the better way, we're seeing now that we were mistaken. I appreciate yours and everyones advice and encouragement, thank you.