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It's like I'm trying NOT to get pregnant.

MaelienMaelien member
in TTC after 35
So last month I had to travel for work and went for my IUI 24 hours earlier than we should have.  BFN, of course.  I wasn't too sad or shocked.  Disappointed a little but it was my fault for not clearing my schedule and giving myself the best chance possible.  I cancelled all travel plans for this month…even over the Holidays.  Just in case.

Until GROUPON came out with a fabulous deal for a resort near our town.  I bought one night, arranged to H and myself to have a day off work, and arranged for an overnight stay for my son. then Then the RE called and wanted to add an extra follicular study to the 18th  (and the 19th JIC).  At 8am.  Which would mean we'd have to leave the resort at 6am to make it in time.  I spoke to the RE and she said that we can schedule it for later in the day but it's "ideal" to do it early in the morning. I didn't ask why.

This was supposed to be for our anniversary.  This was our first night away from our son.  I need this.  My Husband needs this.  Our marriage needs this. (To be fair, we aren't on the rocks or anything…we just need time to veg and re-connect.)

I'm torn.  Our schedules are so hectic…you wouldn't believe the planning that went into getting this night away.  Last time I let work, etc…make my timing less than ideal and now I'm letting my personal life move things around. 

I'm not being cheeky when I ask that if I can't even find the time to make doctor appointments, how on Earth will I find the time to be a mother to two kids?  Seroiusly, I feel like I'm failing this baby already.  I'm mad at myself right now.
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Re: It's like I'm trying NOT to get pregnant.

  • ClaireHuxtableClaireHuxtable member
    Not sure why you're mad at yourself right now.  We all get a little overwhelmed and feel pulled in so many directions it's like we're not giving any one thing our full attention.  You have work obligations, you have husband and family obligations, you have medical obligations and you have you obligations. Whoa.  That's a lot.  Take a deep breath.  It's okay.

    Instead of trying to figure out how to accomplish it all this month, push back the follicular study until next month - if this works for you. Maybe you just need a couple of weeks to regroup before you get back on the horse.

    Don't feel guilty about needing some time alone with your husband.  It's a good thing I'm sure. 

    Hope things work out for you and I wish you all the best.  Now breathe. :)

    image 
    Don't worry, I'm working on it. 





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  • gscovillegscoville member
    I agree, why not just wait until next month/cycle for the follicular study? One more month is not going to be the end of the world, especially if you need the outing with your hubby as bad as you say. Go to the resort and don't look back!


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014

    TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014

    TTCAL BLOG

    All ALers welcome!

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  • MaelienMaelien member
    Thanks.  I'm just bummed.  We'll make it work.   I'm not sure why I'm mad at myself either…I just am. I feel like I'm not making this a priority the way I did last time.  Things are different now, I know that.  I can't put my life, my business, etc…on hold but if I want to be successful here I do need to make it a priority.  

    Sometimes I feel like I'm failing at everything all the time because I can't devote myself to being with my family/being at my job/being a best friend/being good to myself and everything else the way I want to right now.  I've had my nephew's birthday present sitting in the back of my car for two months!  I squished it with the BOB yesterday.  

    Sigh.  I need a mommy. 


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  • CheezeFaceCheezeFace member
    I completely understand.  I always feel like I'm being pulled in 5 different directions at once and I suffer with the same guilt about not being able to do everything with full devotion and energy.  I don't have a problem with saying "no" to people but I do feel guilty when I say it.  

    I also question what kind of Mom I'll be to two children when I can feel completely overwhelmed with just one sometimes.  I'm told it's normal to be anxious about these things but…I don't know …
    I was talking to a good friend about this and she said, "You know, you just adapt.  You'll figure it out"  That thought helped me tremendously.  It's true.  I'm a great Mom to one, I'll figure out how to be great with two.  And let's face it, it's not like these babies aren't wanted and planned for.  You'll do great.  

    ~Married 11/08~
    ~TTC since 01/09~
    ~SA & B/W - 06/09 - Normal~
    ~Encouraged by OB to "just keep trying" 06/09 - 06/10 (oh, the wasted time)~
    ~HSG - 08/10 - Clear/Normal~
    ~Lapo - 01/11 - Normal~
    ~Clomid 50mg, Trigger shot, Prometrium - 01/11, 02/11, 03/11~
    ~BFN - 02/11~
    ~IUI #1 03/15/11~
    BFP 3/28/2011
    Diagnosed with GD at 28 weeks. Controlled through diet and exercise. No insulin.
    Diagnosed with Cholestasis of pregnancy @ 36 weeks.
    Delivered via C-section @ 36 weeks on 11/9/11.

    TTC#2 for a few months naturally (ha!)
    ~IUI#1, Clomid, Trigger,  10/13 - BFN
    ~IUI#2, Femera, Ovidrel, 11/13




    image




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