Advice on teaching not to hit

Re: Advice on teaching not to hit

• Emerald27 member

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  DS hits sometimes when he's mad, which I handle differently than playing too rough. I hold his hands and sternly tell him "I know you're mad, but we do not hit when we're mad." This usually makes him madder, so he cries, but he doesn't hit because I'm holding his hands. Then I tell him that when we're mad, we can "grrr" like a tiger, and count to 4 to help us calm down. I also tell him that I want to help make it better, but he needs to be calm first and use his words.
  
  I'm not sure how old your DD is, but DS is 2 and I think this works well for us because talking to him about it takes enough time that he usually calms down and feels better, so that I can help him if he's frustrated or he can do or play with something else. Just taking the time to hold him still and talk is usually enough. I typically offer to nurse him when he's calm, and a good snuggle makes things better.
  
  Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood has a great episode on handling anger. "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath (breathe) and count to four." DS likes it a lot.
  
  ETA: This is toddler stuff. Reading fail on my part. :P

  
  

  
  

  

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• Emerald27 member

  November 2013

  Oh! I missed that she's 11months. :P
  
  I agree with the "gentle hands" stuff - instead of just telling her not to hit, showing her how to use her hands nicely is a great way to start.

  
  

  
  

  

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• ExcitedMum2B member

  November 2013

  I've done the gentle hands for a while with the family pet. She still will hit when she's overly excited to see him, but after a couple reminders "pet gently" she does that. 
  
  @nicb13 will she understand  me telling her that you put her down because it's not nice to hit mommy and don't pick her back up.
  
  I thought last night oh I'll put her down, but the instant screaming and crying and putting her  hands up totally broke my heart. It felt so mean, like here she is communicating she wants to be held and I'm saying no. So of course I caved.
  
  

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• =Lee=B member

  November 2013

  Tell her what to do not what not to do.  'Hands down' gives more info than 'no hit' she is still young but as she gets a bit older she'll know what you expect.  When she raises her hand to hit try and say 'hands down' before she hits and if close enough gentle take her hands and lower them.  In hearing that enough and having you move her hands down eventually all she'll need is the verbal cue and eventually it'll be self ingrained. 

  'Gentle' and holding her hands showing how to gently stroke teaches what is appropriate and eventually she'll only need the verbal cue. 

  At 11months though, it's ALL about redirection.  If she is hitting you and won't let you put her down stop saying no...and find something to distract her.  in and excited voice say "wow look at that ____" then try to engage her in what ever.  Odds are she will completely forget she was hitting you.

  Saying 'no' really gives a kid little to work with...my general goal in working with young children is to try and rarely say 'no'.  It is saved for really big issues.  If you say it for everything it's the first word they totally tune out!  That doesn't mean I let the kids do as they please and run wild...it means I clearly state my expectations.

   

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• ExcitedMum2B member

  November 2013

  Thanks =Lee=B for that advice. Luckily the hitting seems to have gone away again, but I'll give the hands down a try next time.
  

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