fake it til you make it?

PiperS · November 2013

***pregnancy mentioned

I lost one of my identical twin girls at nearly 20 weeks and I am still carrying both babies. I'm 28 1/2 weeks.

I am trying to stay positive for my living baby, my two-year old, my husband, my co-workers...

Sometimes it just gets to be too much. It's like I'm expected to just forget about the baby I lost because I still have one who's alive. I don't want to be depressing or cry all the time so no one ever talks about her, but I miss her.

A parent to one of my students asked about my twins today and I found myself saying with a smile " there's only one now but she's a strong little girl and immediately changing the subject because I knew it would make him uncomfortable." Afterward I went to the bathroom and cried.

There's really no point to this post. I just can't sleep as usual and needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for listening.

schulme2 · November 2013

I'm so sorry. There will be people for a while who didn't get the memo and you'll find yourself having to explain. I still haven't found a way to explain it that I feel ok about. I just had this happen yesterday when I was on the phone with insurance. She said, "I hear a baby crying" and I said, "yep" then she said "do I hear two?" To which I just said, "no". Then... "You have twins though, right?" And there's the sting. I'm sorry, it sucks but eventually we'll figure out a way to tell people without it hurting so much.

jess123456 · November 2013

I am so sorry. Having to tell people over and over again especially when you are visibly pregnant is very difficult. People can be so hurtful without even knowing it and it is not like you aren't already always thinking of both of your girls. Sometimes I joke to my husband that I want to wear a shirt that says, "Don't ask me about how many kids I have... Or really don't talk to me and ask me anything" because people can be so incredibly hurtful.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

jbranden12 · November 2013

I'm sorry. It's okay to have a different answer for every incident, depending on how you are feeling, if that makes any sense.

OSUWifey09 · November 2013

***SIGGY***

I'm so sorry. We know that you will never forget your baby, and you are still the mom of an angel - even if your angel's twin is still here. I honestly have no advice beyond what pp's have said, but I'm thinking about you. **hugs**

Dixon813 · November 2013

~~Siggy Warning~~

I"m so sorry...

Did I share with you a facebook group for TTTS parents? There are many people that on there that have one survivor and they might be able to help.

shandorfml2 · November 2013

You lost a child, it is ok to grieve. I think your situation is particularly difficult because you do have one living twin. People might expect you to just be happy you have another child. (I believe there are a few mommies here who lost a twin?). What a difficult place to be. Sending you lots of hugs....

jonahsma · November 2013

Praying for you the way through

stefuge · November 2013

shandorfml2 said:

You lost a child, it is ok to grieve. I think your situation is particularly difficult because you do have one living twin. People might expect you to just be happy you have another child. (I believe there are a few mommies here who lost a twin?). What a difficult place to be. Sending you lots of hugs....

This is what I was going to say. I am so sorry. ((Hugs))

PiperS · November 2013

thanks so much for the support ladies. it seems like even my husband has moved on and everyone wants me to move on and not dwell on the past. It's hard because I am trying to be happy for the baby I have but also I'm still carrying the baby I lost. I still see her on ultrasounds not moving or growing. It's just so hard.

PiperS · November 2013

Dixon813 said:
~~Siggy Warning~~

I"m so sorry...

Did I share with you a facebook group for TTTS parents? There are many people that on there that have one survivor and they might be able to help.

I am party of a TTTS group on Facebook but I don't know if it's the same so I would appreciate the link to the one you have. did you lose a twin(s) to TTTS? they aren't even sure if that's what happened for me. I'm sorry for your loss. It's not easy no matter what.

schulme2 said:
I just had this happen yesterday when I was on the phone with insurance. She said, "I hear a baby crying" and I said, "yep" then she said "do I hear two?" To which I just said, "no". Then... "You have twins though, right?" And there's the sting.

It is so hard. I think it always will be. Did you lose a twin too? I

neptunebljc · November 2013

I think with time you will develop a spot in your family for the angel twin. It just takes time. Men also grieve differently. They want things to be as normal as possible. So you will find a new normal that involves both babies in time. At least that's what my grief counselor tells me.

AJCagle82 · November 2013

Still having another baby doesn't take away from losing a child. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I have so much respect for your strength! I think you should allow yourself to grieve the loss of your child. It doesn't diminish your excitement for the other, but recognizes the life that was lost. Sending lots of hugs your way!

schulme2 · November 2013

@pipers I did lose one of my twins as well. We had a boy and girl and although they didn't share the same placenta, they couldn't figure out why they were acting like TTTS.

stefuge · November 2013

I agree with PP, men grieve differently and that is hard. But don't let others stop you from grieving. You lost a child, that doesn't change because you are still carrying a child. You are so strong, and that is amazing. ((Hugs))

PiperS · November 2013

Schulme2- I'm sorry for your loss. did you deliver right away or have to continue with the pregnancy for a while? how is your survivor? I have to worry that my survivor suffered brain damage because they were sharing a placenta. Everything looks fine on ultrasounds but there is still a 15-20% chance that there was trauma possibly as bad as MR or CP.

I'm sure my husband is still grieving. sometimes he'll make a comment that lets me know he still thinks about her. I don't really know what I expect from him. I barely talk about her either but she's on my mind every second. I don't feel strong. I feel like I could break into a million pieces at any second, but life moves on and you have no choice but to keep moving with it.

PiperS · November 2013

I'm so glad I found this board. thanks so much for the support. I know our situations are different but it's nice to talk to people who get it.

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