Am I going crazy?

IBackBevo · November 2013

The plan was always to have 2. After my issues and a very hard pregnancy and hard first few months with DS, we considered only having 1, but changed our minds. Now I'm a little over 13 weeks prego with number 2 and already thinking I may not be done at 2...is this just some sort of pregnancy hormones? Is this some sort of subconscious (sp?) reaction to finding out baby #2 is a little boy and I won't have a daughter? Anyone else experience this? I feel a little crazy.

IBackBevo · November 2013

Ducky719 said:

I only have 1 LO...but I feel like I have to be a little off my rocker to want to go through labor again and have a second child.

Well, I never went through labor due to LO's having heart rate decels. And this one will be a rcs, too, due to my past history of severe pre-e and iugr.

Cwhitaker27 · November 2013

I think you hit the nail on the head, you won't feel "done" until you try again for a girl.
When I was pregnant was DS I said I couldn't do it again because I was sooo sick and here I am pregnant with #2 in the same sick state. We always talked about 3 kids but as of now I don't think I can do it. Ask me again in 2 years hah!

FWIW, I don't think you're crazy. I think it's a totally normal reaction.

TJ1979 · November 2013

Not crazy. Maybe it's a hormonal thing bc now I'm questioning stopping at 2 as well. I want ALL the babies!

IBackBevo · November 2013

Here is the thought going through my mind - there is no way we can turn around and do this again, so I am back to considering freezing embryos again to maybe have one in another 5 years or so. Is this a batsh*t crazy idea when you have two LO's???

IBackBevo · November 2013

TJ1979 said:

Not crazy. Maybe it's a hormonal thing bc now I'm questioning stopping at 2 as well. I want ALL the babies!

Yeah, and I am even thinking...Oh I don't want this to be my last pregnancy!!! And I'm not exactly the happiest of preggos either.

And I can't put away/give away the baby clothes!!! I haven't even gotten them out again yet from DS1!!!!!!!!!

Ruthie04 · November 2013

Eh, I don't think it's crazy. We are all allowed to change our minds over and over again. My pregnancy had several
serious complications and I have chronic pelvic pain due to my delivery. In the midst of the difficult days, I swore I couldn't do it again.

But, since they turned one, it's like my memory has been erased. Not only do do I want more children, but I want a chance to redeem my pregnant self. Who knows? Pregnancies are all different. Maybe I won't throw up for nine months. Maybe I won't have placenta previa/ irritable uterus/ preterm labor/ IUGR. Maybe I'll be able to EBF. I just want to be a normal pregnant person. So, a good deal of my desire is actually because my pregnancy was hard...if that makes any sense at all.

IBackBevo · November 2013

@Ruthie04 - If it helps you to feel better, this pregnancy has been much easier then my pregnancy with DS1. My only problem so far has been my BP getting high which has been fixed with meds. I have not had near the horrible MS I did with DS1. I am really tired all of the time, but that is nothing like horrible MS. FX this means no pre-e or IUGR..

Hopeful1981 · November 2013

You are not crazy at all. I had literally given birth thirty minutes before and I was already talking about next time. Right now, five months later, I literally want at least four more and I am not kidding. I have three frosties and I hope that I get pregnant with #2 this next round of IVF and I can add another 2-3 frosties to my stash. Taking into consideration if 1-2 don't survive the thaw, I will use the rest and hopefully end up with at least five kids, maybe more. I bet now you don't feel so crazy huh lol?

MoFree · November 2013

I'm sorry but this post doesn't sit right with me. I really don't get the concept of 'trying' for one gender after having more than one of the other. It seems like a luxury that is not within the realm of most infertiles. If you want a third child and are able to conceive a take home baby, god bless. Maybe I'm just an envious beotch due to the hormones I am currently taking and I'm envious of people who conceive naturally.

Ruthie04 · November 2013

IBackBevo said:
@Ruthie04 - If it helps you to feel better, this pregnancy has been much easier then my pregnancy with DS1. My only problem so far has been my BP getting high which has been fixed with meds. I have not had near the horrible MS I did with DS1. I am really tired all of the time, but that is nothing like horrible MS. FX this means no pre-e or IUGR..

That's so good to hear and what I'm holding onto. I'm hopeful a lot of my issues were twin related and that it won't be so bad with another pregnancy. Of course, all of this getting pregnant again talk is probably pointless unless I move to some magical land where I can actually get pregnant.

queenbone · November 2013

MoFree said:

I'm sorry but this post doesn't sit right with me. I really don't get the concept of 'trying' for one gender after having more than one of the other. It seems like a luxury that is not within the realm of most infertiles. If you want a third child and are able to conceive a take home baby, god bless. Maybe I'm just an envious beotch due to the hormones I am currently taking and I'm envious of people who conceive naturally.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be able to experience parenting both sexes. Yes, it is harder for IF to achieve, but I don't think IF women should be made to feel guilty about it.

OP, I don't thnik you are crazy, I had may of the same emotions. To some degree I also felt like I was at war with my body and I WOULD be victorious and have a 3rd pg. Even now with 3 children I don't feel done. I won't pursue treatments again, but hope that I can talk DH into adoption in our future.

MoFree · November 2013

queenbone said:

MoFree said:

I'm sorry but this post doesn't sit right with me. I really don't get the concept of 'trying' for one gender after having more than one of the other. It seems like a luxury that is not within the realm of most infertiles. If you want a third child and are able to conceive a take home baby, god bless. Maybe I'm just an envious beotch due to the hormones I am currently taking and I'm envious of people who conceive naturally.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be able to experience parenting both sexes. Yes, it is harder for IF to achieve, but I don't think IF women should be made to feel guilty about it.

OP, I don't thnik you are crazy, I had may of the same emotions. To some degree I also felt like I was at war with my body and I WOULD be victorious and have a 3rd pg. Even now with 3 children I don't feel done. I won't pursue treatments again, but hope that I can talk DH into adoption in our future.

If you have to pay $20000 OOP for an IVF cycle it is out of the realm of many people. Again, the definition of infertility is very broad.

mdiblasi10 · November 2013

Not crazy at all! I would love to have four kids, but after all it is taking just to have two, I know it's not in the cards for us.

imoverit · November 2013

Not crazy at all. I told DH after this pregnancy I dont want anymore. However Im not fixing anything because I want the option of still having another one.

RoseHQ12 · November 2013

Not crazy at all, at least not in my world

& clearly the sex of the baby didn't come into it for me.

laura1 · November 2013

I understand how you feel. I wasn't done after #2 either. We had a surprise for #2 the month I weaned DS, but we knew we couldn't do that again for a third (3 way under 3). We waited until DD#1 was a year, then stopped using birth control - no charting, temping, OPKs, IUIs, meds, etc. If it happened in a year, great, if not, we were done. It took 6 months then a m/c, then another 4 months - we were approaching our deadline, then we were going back on b/c.

Now were are done. I have been giving away all our baby stuff, all DS and DD's old clothes, etc. But I still feel like I want another one! Not going to happen though - we don't have the space, enough money, etc for 4 kids. And none of my feelings are due to the sex of the children - I had one of each, then wanted a 3rd!

Dragonfly1226 · November 2013

Here's what I think.

1 - If you want another baby because you want another child then go for it. But be prepared for the fact that baby #3 could also be a boy.

2 - It is way too early to be deciding now. Wait until you have two children and then decide if having one more is what you want. If it is, then you can look at your options.

After K&A were born, everyone assumed that we were done. We haven't actually decided if we are done or not. We do have five frozen embryos left which factors into our decision. There are days when I think I could totally have one more and there are other days when I feel awful because it is so hard to give enough attention to everyone. On those days I feel so guilty about even thinking of having one more.

IBackBevo · November 2013

To be clear, I don't even know if we could have another baby...I am just saying that I thought we were done after 2. This was the plan before I knew about any issues. All I am saying now is that I feel like I don't know if I want this to be my last baby...as was the plan. But I do agree that now is not the time to make the decision and I may feel differently once this LO is here.

itsmevkb · November 2013

After each one of my babies was born the minute they were put in my arms I thought "I want anohter one." Now that to me seems crazy. I think there is some crazy hormone thing going on right after birth for me that makes me want more children. But, then again, I've always wanted a bunch of kids from the time I was very little. Now, with four, and six hard pregnancies in seven years, I can say I'm at a point where I think I am good with being done. Ladies, four is hard. H.A.R.D. hard. And I say that having what I think are relatively easy kids! They are wonderful, and I love them, and I'm so so glad we've had them but we're in a phase right now where they are just wearing me out. Ha!

I think it's natural to go through phases of wanting more children but I think you'll know, like deep down know, when your family is complete.

The part about perhaps wanting to try for a girl, I guess I sorta get that, but at the same time I've never really wanted one sex over the other so that just doesn't resonate with me. But, I have both sexes so maybe that's easier for me to say. What I can say sorta rubs me the wrong way is the sometimes nonchalant talk of creating more embyros "just in case." I understand that not everyone sees embryos in the same way but as someone who truly sees them as deserving every possiblity at life, and knowing many, many women who didn't think having a bunch of frozen embryos would be a big deal only to struggle terribly later on when they have finally had to make a decision regarding possibly destroying them, I think the creation of them is something to be taken very seriously.

Saraevh · November 2013

Not crazy at all! I always wanted three kids, but I swore when I was pregnant with my second that we were done after him. Then when he was about a month old I felt in my heart that our family was not complete and was willing to try anything and everything to have one more child.

We are absolutely, positively done having children if everything works out this time around. There is no way I could ever convince my husband to have another and I am very, VERY excited to have my body back for good. I am longing for the day that I never have anxiety about getting pregnant or being pregnant ever again. Really looking forward to it.

IBackBevo · November 2013

@itsmevkb - I don't take creating embryos lightly AT ALL. That was one of the things that held me back on doing ivf...that and knowing I could just be flushing 15k down the toilet. (I had one RE tell me I was not a candidate for ivf because of ultra low afc and amh.) I personally could never destroy embryos. I also feel relatively okay with the idea of putting any extra embryos up for adoption.

IBackBevo · November 2013

Also, I think some people on here have misinterpreted my comments about the sex. I did not say I was wanting a third just to hopefully get a girl. I said I was feeling the urge for this not to be my last and I did not know the reason why...I proposed that as a possible reason and even said if that was the reason it was, it was on a subconscious level. I am fine with having a second boy. I am happy about it! I NEVER wrote that i wanted to have a 3rd just to try to get a girl.

kbeach82 · November 2013

FWIW - in my experience, life with more than 1 LO (especially if your older LO(s) is/are still pretty young when you have #2, #3, etc.) is COMPLETELY different than life with 1 LO.

I thought my life was consumed by all things related to my LO before having our twins, and that actually seems pretty laughable to me now in hindsight. I am extremely appreciative of my family every single day, and I love each and every one of my children, but I wasn't exactly prepared for how drastically my life and my family would change with the arrival of the twins.

Balancing work, finances, our home, etc. with 3 young children is very difficult. I put an extreme amount of pressure on myself to spend "enough" quality time with each of my children, and often end up feeling like there just isn't enough of me or enough time in the day(deep down I know that I am a good mom, but it is hard not to feel like a failure sometimes).

Having said that, we have 1 frozen embryo in storage. Now that I look each of my little miracles in the face every day, I don't think I would ever feel comfortable not giving that child a chance at life. But...we will absolutely not even consider going back for a FET for several years, when all of our LOs are in school (or would be by the time LO #4 arrived).

Obviously you won't know how you really feel about having another LO until after DS2 makes his appearance into the world and settles into your family. I am just sharing some of my own experience.

Hopeful1981 · November 2013

I agree about the pp comments on the creation of embryos. Looking at my DS as one of those embryos, I would give every one of my frozen embryos a chance to be my baby. How could I not, after witnessing the joy and beauty of my son? Right now I have three frosties and hope to add a couple more to that after this round of IVF so that I never have to do a fresh IVF cycle again, just use FET in the future.

At this point, I would not be comfortable with embryo donation. Again, I look at my son as one of those embryos and think about giving him away and the thought of someone else raising my biological child breaks my heart. If MH and I die, the embryos will be donated to science.

itsmevkb · November 2013

IBackBevo said:

@itsmevkb - I don't take creating embryos lightly AT ALL. That was one of the things that held me back on doing ivf...that and knowing I could just be flushing 15k down the toilet. (I had one RE tell me I was not a candidate for ivf because of ultra low afc and amh.) I personally could never destroy embryos. I also feel relatively okay with the idea of putting any extra embryos up for adoption.

As is always the case, I should have been more clear in stating that I wasn't directing that at you. I think I read the response regarding adding some more to their stash and found it rather non-chalant. And, as is often the case, that was taken out of context.

This is just a very personal issue for me given that although we only have one frozen embryo and were so careful about not creating more than we were willing to use, years later we have found ourselves in a situation where a surprise pregnancy brought us a fourth child meaning if a FET works we will have five (which, trust me, is CRAZY) and also in a situation where if my pap tests never clear up I may never be able to even do the FET and then we are faced with what in the world will we do with our little embryo. This has just been weighing so heavily on me for almost a year now that I undoubtedly read my own situation into anything other people write.

Hopeful1981 · November 2013

Hopeful1981 said:

I have three frosties and I hope that I get pregnant with #2 this next round of IVF and I can add another 2-3 frosties to my stash. Taking into consideration if 1-2 don't survive the thaw, I will use the rest and hopefully end up with at least five kids, maybe more.

itsmevkb said:

As is always the case, I should have been more clear in stating that I wasn't directing that at you. I think I read the response regarding adding some more to their stash and found it rather non-chalant. And, as is often the case, that was taken out of context.

I am the person who wrote that I hoped to add a couple frosties to my stash. If you had read my post I was saying how I essentially wanted as many children as I could have and that I would use all of my frosties, hoping for five children or maybe more. I certainly did not intend for this to come across as non-chalant, as I need to get good embryos now since I have egg quality issues. I am only 31 and if I still want children in my late 30's I will need to do it with my 30yo and 31yo eggs.

danalawrence · November 2013

Hey @hopeful1981, don't feel like you have to defend yourself, I think your attitude on it is awesome! I'm weird 1) three IVF BFPs in three fresh cycles and I have never had a single embryo to freeze. 2) if this baby is a girl, we will consider going for #4, IVF with PGD.

rjade9 · November 2013

I feel the exact same way! I am so happy with my two boys but I keep thinking how dh will never have a little girl to walk down the aisle! Hopefully our last embie works, a plus if it's a girl! Dh keeps saying if it works and is a boy we might try for a 4th....not happening lol

Hopeful1981 · November 2013

I don't know what PGD is, from the posts on IF I have read I assume it is some type of genetic testing which also tells the sex. I would definitely consider this as well, depending on the gender of future kids. I would love at least two of each gender. If I am already going through so much and the technology is there, I may as well receive SOME type of little perk.

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