My husband is an idiot. Lengthy whine lies within.

megngregk · November 2013

Or maybe I'm being a sensitive Sally. Really, we're likely both being idiots. My OB, as she says, has been "doing this for a million years". I love her and have never been so comfortable with a Dr. in my life. At my appt yesterday, she said based on everything she knows about me (U/S, measurements, etc.) and in her experience, she thinks LO will be under or around 7lbs. Now, we allllllll know there is absolutely no way to know this for sure, so I took it with a grain of salt. Anyways, I mentioned it to MH when I was messaging him about the appointment. I proceed to get a string of messages like "I just thought he'd be bigger" and "That's too small". He was almost 10 lbs. I was just over 6 lbs. I did mention that it's just her guess as of now, and I still have 8 weeks to go.

His reaction was bothering me, so today I asked him if he was disappointed that Dr thinks Nate will be a smaller baby. He responds with "Idk, 7 just seems too small for him". I'm a very petite person. Now, I know that petite women give birth to large babies all the time, including a good handful of you. But I can't think of any reason why 7 lbs would be an undesirable weight for a NB. I asked him if he realized that a smaller baby would likely (I didn't mention 'not necessarily' because that wouldn't have helped me out any, and I was trying to make a point) mean a more comfortable last few weeks of pg and L&D for his very petite wife. He goes "I guess I didn't think about that".

I think what upset me is he made me feel like I'm failing him if I don't give birth to a baby as big as he was. Or maybe it's that male stereotype that he believes his son should be big and beefy? I'm stewing on this, and I'm sure it's stupid and I will just let it go, but it really pissed me off. He's not here to see the discomfort, rub my back, rub my feet, come to my appts, watch me trying to sleep in a chair because laying down seriously aggravates my acid reflux at night.

I think I'm quite possibly fostering a little bit of resentment here, and so his comments are bothering me a lot more than they should.

KristaBelieve · November 2013

I'm sorry.

cnctf · November 2013

One word... "MEN"!

Im sorry his comments made you feel like you're failing him. Try not to take it to the heart. Men just dont get it most times.

ChuggingWater · November 2013

Ug. Men!

lmills730 · November 2013

I'm sorry

. I would be annoyed by those comments too. DH just keeps telling me he hopes the baby doesn't have a large head like him, hah. 7 lbs is an absolutely normal weight. My DH is 6'2" and he was just over 7 lbs. Birth at delivery has nothing to do with how "manly" baby will be later in life.

SvedkaStoli · November 2013

He probably should have kept to "that's nice, dear", tell him that birth weight doesn't necessarily predict brawn. In the mean time, treat yourself to some cake.

jhunter89 · November 2013

I think you might be being a tad sensitive, but you are more than justified in that! You're in a lonely, vulnerable spot trying to be the best wife and mom you can be while he's away. I think he could have been more sensitive to you and more encouraging overall of what you're going through. P.S. 7 pounds is totally healthy and has no bearing on anything whatsoever other than how long he'll fit in NB clothes!

COgirl29 · November 2013

I think you hit the nail on the head with maybe making you feel like you are failing since he isn't as big as he thought. DH keeps telling me to eat eat eat since I'm measuring behind and it sometimes makes me feel like he thinks I'm purposely not eating enough or doing something on purpose to hinder her growth. But I realized that's not what he was saying, and I'm sure your DH only has his birth weight to base it on so he was confused?

I think it's good to get out your feelings - I think your analysis of the situation is prob pretty spot on. I wish he could be there to witness you going through all the tough parts!

megngregk · November 2013

He did say, "Well, as long as he's healthy that's all that matters". Dude...you're so dense sometimes. 7 lbs is perfectly healthy for a full-term baby. His family has a history of ~10 lb babies, so I think he just assumes that's the norm. I'm trying to cut him some slack because he really knows nothing about pregnancy and children.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.

bethughknee · November 2013

I'm sorry that he's being a poop.

And you're right, the way you feel about his comments could be a culmination of the many ways being apart has been hard for you throughout your pregnancy. It's probably easy for him to remove himself from the uncomfortable parts (out of sight, etc) and maybe that's a defense mechanism for him because it has to be hard to be away from your pregnant wife like this!

I would let yourself stew just a little longer but then get distracted and don't let it become a big to-do. It won't matter how big your LO is when he's born, YH is going to be so captivated. He'll see that a "little" boy is still just as magical as a chunker. Side note: ugh, boys.

megngregk · November 2013

bethughknee said:

I'm sorry that he's being a poop. And you're right, the way you feel about his comments could be a culmination of the many ways being apart has been hard for you throughout your pregnancy. It's probably easy for him to remove himself from the uncomfortable parts (out of sight, etc) and maybe that's a defense mechanism for him because it has to be hard to be away from your pregnant wife like this!

I would let yourself stew just a little longer but then get distracted and don't let it become a big to-do. It won't matter how big your LO is when he's born, YH is going to be so captivated. He'll see that a "little" boy is still just as magical as a chunker. Side note: ugh, boys.

This and that. I'm sure you're 100% right. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I know once he's home and with LO he will care about nothing else.

HeartOverMind · November 2013

I'm sorry YH doesn't understand that 7 lbs. is a good weight. My DH was the same way before we found out the sex. He was like, "Get ready for a ten-pounder" and all that because he was ten lbs. (Uh, congrats for you, but I was 6 lbs, so whatever). Guys are just really weird about small things, I guess. Cuz now that we know LO is a girl he hasn't said one word about giving birth to a big baby. He assumes she'll be small. WTH??? It makes no sense, so I get your aggravation.

There is so much that men just don't get or refuse to understand correctly; don't be too angry with him.

vstevens · November 2013

(a) That is super annoying. And I think magnified by distance, but that's not exactly comforting.

(b) DS1 was 7lbs1oz at birth, and is now in the 80+ percentile for height - he's as tall as a lot of the 3 year olds in his preschool. Meanwhile, I was 8lbs 8oz at birth, and topped out at a whopping 5 feet tall. It means nothing in terms of future growth, it really doesn't.

WinsyWade · November 2013

I understand how you feel. DH and I had some really strange arguments while he was overseas. It is so hard to communicate through text or whatever all.the.time rather than phone convos or actually seeing him face-to-face.

The worst one was arguing over phantom baby name Caroline. He was ridiculous and insisted he would call her Carol. I got really mad about it.

All the tension and stress of DH being overseas, taking care of the house and our DS1 by myself, working, etc made me irrational. For him, he was overseas, away from his family, (in his particular situation) underwhelmed by the whole situation vs the hype of it all.

I just want to send hugs. It is so hard to be a military wife! You are a strong mama-to-be!

ac1259 · November 2013

Yeah...my DD was 6 lbs 12 oz and I think right around 7 lbs is a nice weight when you have to push it out! Sounds like he's just being a guy wanting his son to come out big and strong..but babies are babies no matter what! Small and adorable...for your sake I'm glad it seems like he won't be 10 lbs!

litzo27 · November 2013

Tell him he'll be carrying the next one and he should feel free to grow a 10 pound baby and push it out of ....

LuGal623 · November 2013

I think the distance part is hard on both of you. You aren't being overly sensitive but rather I feel your reaction is just given that you don't have DH there with you. I'm glad he came around to realizing that a 7 lb baby, though small in his eyes, is not necessarily an awful thing for someone who has 8 weeks to go yet. Keep your chin up hun and vent away...that's what we're here for!

fredtheredhead2 · November 2013

Sometimes (okay, more than sometimes) men can be complete idiots.

COgirl29 · November 2013

Also, you can tell him my friend was a preemie (4lbs 1oz) and is now 6'5 and played college football at a big D1 school!

KimberlyTX · November 2013

Like others said, the distance is probably distorting things a little. But I don't blame you for being upset, that would bug me, too. 7 pounds is a great birth weight!

MissRdotS · November 2013

I'm sorry

If it makes you feel better, I'm kind of going through that with my mother. Yep, not my DH, my mother. She keeps telling me I better have a huge baby, because then he'll definitely sleep through the night and be an "easy" baby, and otherwise I will be too overwhelmed and he won't be as cute if he's smaller...

At least you are acknowledging that both of you are probably overthinking it. I'm sure the distance is making everything harder for you, and once Nate is here and your DH lays eyes on him, he won't even think about how much he weighs!

megngregk · November 2013

MissRdotS said:

I'm sorry
If it makes you feel better, I'm kind of going through that with my mother. Yep, not my DH, my mother. She keeps telling me I better have a huge baby, because then he'll definitely sleep through the night and be an "easy" baby, and otherwise I will be too overwhelmed and he won't be as cute if he's smaller...
At least you are acknowledging that both of you are probably overthinking it. I'm sure the distance is making everything harder for you, and once Nate is here and your DH lays eyes on him, he won't even think about how much he weighs!

Tell your mom about my friend whose 9 lb 12 oz **at birth 6w old screamed bloody murder almost continuously from about 1 week to 4 weeks old. Turns out he has a dairy allergy and serious acid relulx. People have the weirdest beliefs when it comes to babies! Sorry she's giving you a hard time as well.

I actually just talked to DH again and asked him how big he thought the average baby was. He said 9-10 lbs. He really has no idea. I knew he was basing it off of his own family norm. He seems to understand better now that 7 lbs is perfectly unconcerning.

And again, I reminded him there's nothing concrete that will tell us how big he'll be until he's out. Sigh.

**ETA

mommabird77 · November 2013

Sigh.... men.

thegosiers · November 2013

@megngregk I'm sorry you feel this way. I can't even imagine trying to go through this alone and long distance. You are a rock star.

Men have NO idea what pregnancy, birth, and a real human baby are all about. Just wait until he sees his precious baby chunk up on breastmilk and/or formula and he'll forget all about his birthweight and just adore and be proud of his little butterball. Hang in there!

sunkiss674 · November 2013

oh gosh men are so clueless ;;) I think once your little one is born he will forget all about the little things like weight. He will just be in love with his little boy.....love at first sight!

For the record I hope there is not any truth to babies taking after their parents in birth weight cause I was almost 10 lbs when I was born and DH was over 11 lbs and the thought of having two babies in me both weighing that much just makes me want to cry

(

Dishylo · November 2013

Sorry he's being a bit funny about it....MH was 11 lb 11 oz and he is praying for a smaller (yet still healthy) baby for my sake!!

I also don't think that there's anything that says that babies born small grow up small (however, correct me if I'm wrong) as I know several larger/bigger people who were teeny babies and some slender/petite friends who were chunky monkies when they were born.

caraconner · November 2013

Men just don't get it. How could they?? Even the most sensitive men let stupid shit fall from their mouths during this most sensitive time. 6-8lbs is pretty average for a newborn. All that matters is baby is healthy. I would try to drop it. If he brings it up just say something like "those types of comments do not help me."
I'm sorry, I'm sure that is VERY frustrating!!

bensmommy518 · November 2013

First off, hugs to you and glad it seems youand DH are working through it. Long distance disagreements can tend to get magnified really easily. You are totally justifed in being upset by his original comment, no matter how it was intended. Just because we are carrying these babies does not mean we have control over how they grow or develop. That makes about as much sense to me as him getting upset if you wereto givebirth to a premie - some things are beyond our controll

jgraham80 · November 2013

It definitely sounds like the distance doesn't help. From previous posts you've had, it sounds like you guys have a wonderful relationship and I'm sure if he were here, it would be a totally different story. He also might just be trying to find any way to have an opinion to feel more involved since weight is the only thing (he thinks) he knows! It doesn't stop it from being annoying though

HappyDoc · November 2013

He should be thankful that instead of you having to deliver a 10-pound baby, you may only have to deliver a 7-pound baby! The bigger my LO is, the more I am going to blame DH for getting me in this situation!

That being said, it sucks that you guys are so far apart from each other and each have to process and cope with your pregnancy on your own.

alinafed · November 2013

I didn't read all the PPs comments so sorry if I am repeating, but maybe he doesn't actually know what a normal size is for a baby... maybe he thinks 10 lbs is closer to normal?

In my family we were all over 9 lbs (my brothers and I) so it is really funny to compare their bets on how big the baby would be with my in-laws. On the in-laws side they were all guessing 6 lbs and an early baby (because that's what SIL had) and on my side everyone was guessing 10 lbs and late. I think its funny how maybe people don't quite know the average weight and just base their info on the babies they know... so maybe DH is doing the same.

I do think its fair for you to express how it is especially hard for you because your DH isn't around to support you though... that is very valid.

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