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Hoping it's just nerves

adoptmommyadoptmommy member
in Adoption
We have been matched with our BM since July & are having semi-open adoption (texting now, have met once and afterwards will be pictures/letter via lawyers). Our BM is due in January & our lawyer suggested since we are in last trimester, to stay in contact once a week vs the 10-14 days we had been doing. Since we are new at this, we followed that advice. I'm nervous that our BM won't realize the lawyer suggested that and think that we are getting nervous about her backing out or being too pushy. That's definitely not the reason- We aren't worried about her backing out as she's been very open & honest about how she knows it's going to be tough but knows she's placing with us for the right reason. But yes, we are realistic that it's a possibility. She does have other kids & is in a relationship with the BF so I'm hoping she's just busy. Did anyone else increase their contact with BM in the last trimester? I'm tempted to just go back to the 10-14 days as that seemed comfortable with both of us. It's nerve-racking to think that we might have taken wrong advice for our BM. 
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Re: Hoping it's just nerves

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    Why not just tell the e-mom that your lawyer suggested this, and ask if she's OK with it? If you've already been in pretty regular contact with her and have established a relationship, I don't see why you wouldn't tell her this was the lawyer's suggestion
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  • maryoosamaryoosa member
    So- our son's birth mother  and us (well me) wound up spending a lot of time together in her last trimester. She'd switched medical practices and the new practice had a "whoever is on call will deliver" policy and so the midwives all wanted to meet her-  so we did weekly appointments for most of the last trimester. Because of that, we wound up hanging out a bunch more than we might have otherwise. It wound up being pretty cool. But in your case, there isn't any reason why you couldn't tell her the lawyer suggested you stay in touch and ask her if it's ok with her.
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  • adoptmommyadoptmommy member
    Good news hit my phone today about 4:30- she text us back. My husband was right that everything was fine- her phone had broke but it got fixed now. I feel 1,000 times better- thanks for the ideas about just asking her what she's comfortable with. And for being a place that I could put my panic out to others who are going through the emotional & amazing journey of adoption. While my family & friends are so supportive, it's hard to explain the roller coaster of emotions that I've felt since we started the process. 
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  • maryoosamaryoosa member
    @adoptmommy glad things are ok. I still panic when I don't hear from our son's birth mother for over 24 hours. Before placement, I would be a wreck. Now, I'm still a wreck, only different.
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