Feeling nervous for my daughter...

BrittaRH · November 2013

Any experienced moms who can offer tips/advice for introducing your first born to life as a sibling? Now that I am 3 weeks away I am feeling a sort of sadness that these are the final days where it's just the three of us... And so often just my daughter and I. I am super excited for LO's arrival but it is also the end of a chapter. I am sure people have posted about this before... So excuse the redundancy. Anyway, would be happy to hear some ideas on making this life change easier on a 3yo.

FutureMrsCaesar · November 2013

I don't have any great advice for introducing your daughter but I just wanted to let you know that your feelings are totally normal. I def had similar feelings throughout my 2nd pregnancy and they really intensified at the end. Everything worked out fine and honestly the gift of a brother is the best thing we could have ever given my sons. I'm so excited and much more at ease about it this time around. There may definitely be some adjustments for my older boys but it truly is a gift we're giving them, not something we are taking away.

ktox61 · November 2013

I am a STM and I just want you to know I am feeling the same way. I just want to make these last few weeks special for DD but finding the energy has been hard. We have been doing a lot of cuddling and talking about "Sissy". I am so excited for them to have each other but so sad that our time of spoiling just her is over. She is such a sweet and sensitive girl.

While I don't have any experience, my plan is to be ultra inclusive with DD. I want to try and make sure she knows "Sissy" needs her help. We also bought a gift for LO to give DD at the hospital when they meet. I read to be very careful on language you use with DD. To say things like "can you help mommy feed Sissy" and involve them instead of saying things like "Mommy can't play now because she has to feed the baby." Lastly, I read to plan "time-ins" with special one on one time throughout the day with DD. They don't have to be long time periods but they need to have undivided attention multiple times through out the day. Specifically doing things they like. I hope you find some of this useful!

BrittaRH · November 2013

Thanks for the response. I know it's got to be a common feeling and I thought I was ready but now that everything is close I just worry. I think you make a great point about the kind of language we use and the gift. I am going to start brainstorming a present immediately.

The only other tip I have heard which I am not sure I would have considered before... Don't hold the baby when you first introduce them. Keeping the baby in a neutral place... Like a crib or bouncy seat doesn't immediately put your toddler on the defense and makes you feel accessible. Anyway, sounds reasonable. Thanks again!

RachaelG91 · November 2013

I've been feeling the exact same lately as excited as I am for little ones arrival I'm really anxious to see how my little boys gonna react he loves mummy cuddles lol.

BMoreMom21 · November 2013

I am also nervous. My DS is still so young - almost 19 months - so he doesn't really understand what's going on. I know, in the long run, it will be great. But, I am sad that he will have to share his time now and that he's not really old enough to even understand why. This has actually really been weighing on me lately. I'm sure it's common, but it's still difficult bc I'm so torn. I'm super excited to meet my new little guy, but sad for my 1st born at the same time.

lp0 · November 2013

I don't have any helpful advice as this is new for me too. I'm feeling that way too! I feel so guilty that I'll be taking our time and attention from DS but then I see his face light up when he sees a baby or other kids when we're out and about and know he is going to love having a sister.

KFiori1 · November 2013

No advice either but agree with PP! It's very normal to feel that way. I am starting to feel that way again with #3 coming. I am getting sad that our time as a family of 4 is coming to an end! But honestly, once the baby is here you don't even think about that! You don't remember what life was like before they were in it. And your daughter will adjust just fine

mplesset23 · November 2013

I'm about to be a STM too and I feel the same way. We've been reading books about being a Big Brother and how important he is going to be. I am so excited to have another baby, but I have cried on more than one occasion recently about how it's going to be so sad when we have to split our time between the boys. My oldest has been our world the past 2 years. I know it will all work out in the end and that giving him a sibling is going to be the best thing we could ever do for him.

LaLiLu · November 2013

My daughter was 3 when I had my second. But that was so long ago. I guess the only advice I would give to anyone with multiple children is to make sure to spend plenty of 1 on 1 time with everyone! Make sure she knows that it's not just "all about the new kid". And I agree, a sibling is a great gift, I could never imagine being an only child...

jamrosj · November 2013

I'm feeling OK about this for now, as far as guilt goes. The other night we rocked in the baby's room and talked about all the things we can do with the baby and all the kisses we'll give him. I'm more worried about getting stressed out because I'm used to only giving attention to one kid.

abbief584 · November 2013

I'm a third time mom this time and I still feel nervous. It is totally normal. When having my 2nd I felt the same exact way and DS1 handled it just fine. He was 5 years old so he understood and the transition for him was very easy. This time I'm nervous because DS2 is only 2 and he's such a mama's boy. I'm sure it will be hard at first but they won't remember the hard times.

HerbanMom · November 2013

Oh I remember this feeling very well when I was getting ready to have DS2. Everything works out! I still took time to spend time with just DS1 after DS2 arrived. We would go for a walk, read, play whenever LO was napping or when their dad was home.

Also, keep your daughter actively involved with helping with LO with age appropriate tasks and it makes the transition a little easier because they are helping. Constantly praise her when she does something well or unexpected.

My oldest was so, so, so proud to be a big brother! I'm trying to pump my youngest up about being a big brother and he seems to have a few more issues with it than his older brother did, but then again he's 5 1/2 not almost 3 like DS1 was.

Just enjoy the time you've got left having an only child and snuggle as much as you can and once LO is here keep her involved and active with her new sibling.

katiegal · November 2013

I'm a lurker from the November board but I just wanted to say that I feel the same way and it is reassuring to know that other STM's do too. My anxiety has been so bad and the root cause of it is worrying about how my oldest will feel. I was a million times more calm and relaxed towards the end of my first pregnancy.

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