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Another sleep issue: crying at bedtime and during the night

capuletcapulet member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
DS isn't two yet but I'm asking on 24+ because he's so close to his birthday and I figure if you're here you might be over this hump already. 

DS used to go to bed easily; I'd tuck him in with a lovey and he might fuss a little bit, but he was generally pretty easy to get down.  A couple of months ago, he started crying after I put him in his crib, AND (if it were just that, it would be manageable) often waking up at night and crying for long enough to disrupt our sleep, sometimes an hour or more.  Sometimes he's hungry - I've been doing my darnedest to make sure he eats enough during the day - but usually he just cries for me and/or DH.  I try not to go into his room, or only very briefly to console him while he's still in the crib, because nothing is actually wrong as far as I can tell and I want him to go back to sleep on his own.  If we do take him into our bed, which DH sometimes wants to do so we can all try to sleep, he bounces around and doesn't really sleep at all.

His bedtime has been around 7:30 and he usually wakes up at 7, plus an hour or two nap in the early afternoon.  I looked up in Dr. Ferber's book (I forgot for a long time I had it from when DD was a baby) and it seems we might be expecting him to sleep too much - he says two-year-olds are supposed to sleep 11-12 hours total, including naptime - so I bumped his bedtime to 8:30 last night and he fell asleep faster, but still woke up in the middle of the night.  Maybe it would take a few nights to work, I don't know.

Any advice?  We're out of ideas, and obviously tired as heck.  Thanks in advance!
DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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Re: Another sleep issue: crying at bedtime and during the night

  • erbearerbear member
    There's a ton of development stuff going on at 2, plus maybe his molars are working their way in. Sleep regressions are normal for 2-3.

    Ferber is way off on sleep times, IMO. My almost three year old regularly sleeps 13-14 hours (12 night and 2 at nap).
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
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  • jllmb79jllmb79 member
    My 2 year old sleeps at least 12-13 hours at night + 2 hour nap

    We have had a night or two here and there with middle of the night wakings and crying. If I have to go into her I don't get her out. I soothe her with a sip of water a kiss and tell her it is still night time and she has to sleep. She usually will cry for a bit after I leave but goes back to sleep. 

    I think occasionally bringing your LO to your bed when he cries is part of your crying problem.  
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  • BeanNutBeanNut member
    I agree with the others, the sleeptimes in Ferber's book are just an average and they are not accurate for my kids.  My almost 3 year old sleeps 12 hours a night plus an hour nap.  (A year ago it was 12 hours a night and a 2 hour nap).  

    If it were me, I would go in and check to make sure he is ok (no fever, feet not stuck in the crib or whatever) then leave.  If he continues to cry, you could do the Ferber check-ins at 5,7, 10 minutes or whatever intervals you feel comfortable with.  If you are sometimes getting him out to eat or come into your bed, then he has learned that if he continues to cry, he will get what he wants (out of the crib).


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  • CheezeFaceCheezeFace member
    My child is a robot and never sleeps.  So for what normal sleepers is a regression is just normal in my house so I hope I can add some perspective.  Even for us around this time, I found that DSs sleep was even more wonky.  Just like your son, mine has always gone down easily and right before his 2y bday he really started to put up a fight.  If I remember correctly it only lasted a week or so.  Maybe two.  I know when they've been sleeping well any kind of backsliding is scary but just like everything else it's usually just a phase.

    If you've been successful with CIO, you might try it again. Anytime my DS cries at night he ends up in our bed because I'm a wimp and take the path of least resistance.  You don't want my advice here.  LOL.

    Another tip that I've found that works for us at this age is to talk about it before hand.  Maybe 3-4 hours before bed just casually mention that tonight you are going to take a bath, read a book, sing a song then lay down in the crib to go to sleep.  He can have his lovey then it's time to sleep.  No crying tonight, ok?  Then in the morning you can play with your friends, eat scrambled eggs, whatever...etc… then mention it 1-2 more times.  I've done this since DS was itty-bitty and it works for us.  I mean, I'm not saying he understood at 4mos what I was saying but it has helped him feel like there is a pattern coming up as he's gotten older.  For example, after a playdate while I'm buckling him in the car I'll talk with him and say, "when we get home, you find 'buddy' (his lovey) and I'll get you a sippy cup of water then it's time for nap."  That may help with the transition of bedtime.

    Good Luck!
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  • capuletcapulet member
    Thanks everyone!  We are definitely not bringing him into bed with us again because the last time we did that he crawled over me and hit his head on my nightstand, plus it just doesn't result in him sleeping anyway.  (It used to work better with DD, and we did co-sleep with DS for a while when he was a baby, but I've found it impossible to sleep with him in bed with us since he was about a year old, so bringing him into bed was more to pacify DH, who has to work.)

    I was surprised at the sleep times Ferber gave, and especially that he expected a two-year-old to sleep less at night than a six-year-old (just more total with naps).  It's easier for me to put DS to bed before DD, so I was not really loving that idea anyway.  I suspect that if he naps a lot, he might need somewhat less sleep at night than we've been trying to get from him, but still more than Ferber expects.

    I put him to bed a little later the past two nights (like 8 or a bit later) and he slept through the night, so maybe that had something to do with it, or not.  @CheezeFace, I like the idea of talking about bedtime with him throughout the day; I've tried to do that right at bedtime before, but I'll make more of a point of doing it, especially now that he's becoming more verbal.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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