Sisters

[Deleted User] · November 2013

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slwprincess · November 2013

Interested to see some responses to this. I don't have sisters and I'm looking forward to Seeing this dynamic relationship develop but I'm also nervous too! I've seen it go both ways with sisters and never been able to pinpoint a particular parenting style that affected either way. So maybe it really is just luck of the draw?

mrsgoe23 · November 2013

I have two younger sisters and we are all very close to each other. Sure we fought a little as kids but everything is great now. Our mother is the oldest of three and doesn't get along with any of them much then or now. I think it's because my grandparents played obvious favorites with them, whereas my parents treated all of us as equals.

This is definitely just my experience, but sometimes with siblings it's definitely just the luck of the draw and how their own personalities work with each other. I think as long as you model respect to your daughters they'll model it as well. Plus you can teach them that even if sisters dont always get along, you still love each other

cksmith29 · November 2013

I'm sorry you have these challenges with your sister. I have two sisters, and we are best friends. Don't get me wrong, we have our disagreements... mostly with the youngest sister who at 30 years old cannot cut the apron strings. We did not get along very well growing up, but we naturally came back together as adults. It took all of us growing up mentally/emotionally, again, especially the youngest. My mom didn't pressure us to have a perfect relationship, but we respected her insight since she lost her sister at 14.

What my older sister and I decided with the younger sister is to just accept her silly ways. We try to overlook her characteristics that make her sometimes intolerable and embrace all of her amazing characteristics. We have decided not to let our differences spoil what makes sisterhood so special.

That's what I do with my 2 girls. At 11 &13, we have serious personality conflicts. I keep reminding them that their sister(s) will be there for them when no one else is. They will always "get" you even if they don't agree with you.

I think your little girls will be fine. You can have promote a strong sister bond even if you didn't have one yourself. As for yourself, I think time will bring you together

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boogerbearoriginal · November 2013

I have an older (6yr) and younger (20m) sister - we all get along fine. I don't know that it's anything my parents did/didn't do, just luck that we all have similar enough interests and personalities as adults that we get along fine.

When we were younger, my older sister was pretty removed from me/younger sis simply because of the large age difference. We were 9/10 and still playing barbies when she got her driver license, kwim? Now that we're all adults, we care more about the same things.

Unfortunately we're not as close as some siblings, simply because we all get busy with work/kids/etc and so we don't talk or see each other as much as we'd like. We also have a brother, right between me/older sis, and he lives across the country but we get along just fine. Not super close simply because of distance as much as anything else.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, you really can't determine what your kid's future interests will be and whether they'll be friends. It's really just luck of the draw I think.

TessyMessy · November 2013

My sister is 7 years older than me and we fought a lot growing up. A lot of it had to do with me being a bratty sister that wanted to tag along and her being an older kid that didn't want a baby hanging around. My sister and my mom have always disagreed and argued-- my mom used to say since birth because my sister was born breach. My sister really started acting like an asshole when I was in highschool and started looking at colleges. She failed out of college twice. I didn't realize until later in life that her asshole-ness was coming from a jealous place. My parents had a bad habit of always comparing us which drove me crazy because my sister has always been a rebellious and lazy person and I was the nerdy kid that liked school and wanted to succeed yet I wasn't allowed to go certain places or occasionaly stay out past my curfew because of things she had done years ago. I'm sure these comparisons helped breed the jealousy from my sister as well.

DS and LO will be 6 years apart and I have already promised myself to try to recognize their character and personality differences and not compare them against each other. The good news is my sister and I get along fine now. I think part of it is because we have children of our own and we live in different states!

littlepig2 · November 2013

I have an older (2 years older) and younger (3 years younger) sister. we all got along well with occasional fights but at one point, my older sister HATED me. no idea why but it got 3857 times better when she went to college and now we're really close. I think a lot of the success was that our parents made family time fun and made us active participants in each other's lives. we text each other several times a day, every day and are all very close now. I think as long as you encourage them to play with each other and don't compare them to each other (the WORST was being compared to my school-comes-easily older sister and I'm-super-crafty younger sister) I think you'll be ok!

C12H22O11 · November 2013

I don't have much advice, but wanted you to know you're not alone. My sister and I don't dislike each other per say, but we have nothing in common. In fact our dynamic and birth order is exactly like you and your sis. That said, I'm a firm believer that just because you're family doesn't mean you're going to be best of friends, and that's ok. If anything, I'd avoid telling your girls they "have" to get along because they're sisters. I hated, and still hate, when my mother says that.

kathegreat · November 2013

I have a sister who is 3 years younger than me and we are best friends and always have been. I attribute this to the way my Mom taught us to treat each other. We have very different personalities so like any siblings we would fight. After our fights my mom would make us apologize to each other and then make us say that our sister was our best friend. This is one example of the many ways she just expected us to grow up best friends and it worked for our family. As a kid it annoyed the heck out of me but I am so thankful to have my sister as my best friend and truly believe it was due to my Mother's guiding.

kt_arr · November 2013

There's a lot of good advice here.

My stepsister (1 year younger) and I have a really rocky relationship. We were normal growing up (played together with the occasional fight) but can barely stand each other now. She's 21 and not very responsible, still no driver's license, never had a job and doesn't plan on graduating from college because she "loves being in school" but doesn't mind spending our parents' money. While we don't have much in common, the main issue is that she's extremely disrespectful to my mom (her stepmom). Even with these issues, my parents still tell to us to be respectful to one another and agree to disagree. I'll admit it's really difficult, but our parents are what keeps us together. Also, it doesn't hurt that I only see her once a year at Christmas

[Deleted User] · November 2013

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Amyjoy1972 · November 2013

I feel that you have the upper hand. You have seen how your sister acts and when you see your children acting that way you can stop it.

Mazingmommyof6 · November 2013

I really can't stand my sister... And my 18 year old daughter is JUST like my sister with the same condescending nature. I love her but hate how she is my sisters twin in every way. That's my payback for not liking my sister giving birth to her solar twin.

I have 4 soon to be 5 daughters. They have been raised in a kind compassionate environment but have a normal love hate relationship with each other. Do your best to teach compassion and respect each others differences but in the end they will make their own decisions and be either kind to each other or not. You can't control that beyond age 18

KaraLeigh115 · November 2013

I am going to have 2 boys 2.5 years apart so I'm kinda feeling the same way.
I never got along with my sisters and now me and my middle are really close. Maybe it will just take time?? She said I was going through a phase and she didn't want anything to do with me and I was being stupid and had stupid friends.... Which I agree with.... Now. But hopefully in time

good luck!!

PaulaL92 · November 2013

My sister and I are 3 years apart in age. When we were younger we didn't always get along and that was because we weren't into the same things or she was following me around like a puppy wagging it's tail. I found that annoying lol. She was a girly girl and I was the punk. Though when it came down to it we were always there for eachother. I got in numerous fights defending people who messed with my babysister lol.

Now that we are both grown and out of school we have an extremely close relationship. I don't know what I would do without my sister. She is one of my bestfriends. Though now that we are both pregnant and having a baby due dates 3 months apart. I get annoyed and slightly mad at the fact more people are paying attention to her pregnancy than mine. Like my mom not wanting to throw me a babyshower but wanting me to help plan hers.

Also the fact that when I got pregnant with my first child no one was supportive nor happy for me. I got dirty looks and snide comments. But for her its all the love and support in the world. Sucks...lol

cattlebride · November 2013

My sister and I have a rocky relationship as well. She suffers from being a diagnosed bi-polar though. With some of my other siblings we have really close realtionships. I think that alot of how well children get along is due to thier own unique personalities and how they interact with each other.

I think the only thing that parents can try to do to maybe help the sibling relationship is not to have favoritism. Its natural for a parents personality to mesh easier with the one sibling or another just becasue different personalities draw us easier. If this mom or dad likes you more complex is out of the picture, there is less strife for a child to deal with.

You will do great though so try not to worry

JackieP1023 · November 2013

My sister and I are 15 months apart. Growing up, we definitely had our share of arguments... We always had to share a room, and even went so far one time as to putting masking tape on the floor to define 'my' side from her side! Now that we are older, we get along for the most part. We aren't super close, but that's mostly because of distance- she lives in ND, and I'm in MO. I think if we lived closer, we would have a closer relationship.

Megs1HOTRED · November 2013

My sisters and I don't get along great. I do kinda blame my mom for some of it. I would say avoid comparing siblings and don't ever put labels on your kids. In my family, the labels were "perfect one," "smart one" and "pretty one." So we were all left to think that you can only be one of those things, and once the quota is met, just give up. The labels are pretty ingrained now and they come into play in almost every fight we have - even now as adults.

Mazingmommyof6 · November 2013

TLex. Everything you said is true. Especially what you said about them loving their flawed, human, beautiful mother. It's very hard when they grow up and form their own opinion about you, and how you raised them. No one is perfect and hearing your own child say " I learned from you what I don't want to be like when I grow up" is heartbreaking...I did nothing wrong. Busted my ass so they had everything but in their eyes it was something different. Most of the people on here complain about their moms and not wanting them holding their babies or some even near their LO's. s

Mazingmommyof6 · November 2013

TLex....love what you said.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

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mythaldo · November 2013

I'm echoing what a lot of the girls here are saying about comparing your daughters. Holding up one as the example to get the other to be have definitely started some bad stuff between me and my sister. Also, my parents always told her she was special; I personally think this went to her head because when I was born and suddenly we were both special, she started resenting me right then and there. She is almost 3 years older than me and we try get along since we only see each other once or twice a year now, but saying our relationship is strained is an understatement.

BB0214 · November 2013

My relationships with both my sisters has dramatically changed over the years. While growing up, my younger sister and I were close and she was more like my playmate since we are less than 2 years apart. I hated my older sister who is 5 years older because she was more like a second mom. My parents had basic rules for us about respecting each other, not fighting, sharing, and including one another in various aspects of life. As we grew to be adults, mine and my older sister's life experiences were similar, we have supported one another through some really tough times. My younger sister never left home and still lives with my parents with her own husband. She became very judgemental of me and my older sister. At this point she refuses to have a relationship with either of us for various reasons.
My point is, you can do what you can to set the stage for your girls to be close and friends as they grow up. But I think what they do with it really is their choice. If they're not friends after all, I don't think it's because you failed as a parent.

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