Where's the fun in dysfunctional family?

melody921 · November 2013

OK, ladies, I'm pretty sure my extended family is crazy. Three days ago, my brother sent me a text message with a photo of a 50th bday invite, asking if I had received it and if I had any idea who it was for. I hadn't and didn't and brushed it off, thinking it was a high school friend's parent or something and he was just blanking on the mom's first name. Fast forward to yesterday when I retrieved my mail to find the same invite. Neither one of us recognized the name of the guest of honor, the person who mailed it or the person accepting RSVPs. It's a common last name, so a Google search got us nowhere. We joked about what to get the bday girl and tried to figure out how the hell we were going to RSVP when we weren't even sure how we got on the invite list in the first place.

Then, we realized, after much back and forth, that our aunt on our dad's side turns 50 this year. She apparently got remarried a few years back, hence the unfamiliar last name. We have not seen this woman since 2003 or 2004 (long story, bad blood, didn't see our dad btw 2005 and 2010 either). What the hell. We don't get so much as a Christmas card or an invite to a backyard BBQ and all of a sudden after nearly a decade, we're on an invite list for a gift-giving occasion? How awkward would that be if we actually went? And either our dad or grandparents obviously gave out our addresses, so would it have been too much for them to mention that and tell us that an invite might be coming so we didn't have to wrack our brains? Am I out of line here to think this is really odd? For the record, I'm not attending.

Kissty · November 2013

Not out of line. That is truly odd. The 'fun' was trying to figure out who it is

eshee8198 · November 2013

Is it a surprise party? I know when I threw my parents a surprise anniversary party a few years back, I just stole their address book and reached out to anyone in there. I'm sure there were some folks that gave me the WTF when they got my email (I give myself a pass because I was much younger then).

We also once got a wedding invite that was clearly the case my common last name and a google search gone wrong. Although it was tempting to respond...

mamaHippo23 · November 2013

Haha, yup I guess the "fun" part is trying to figure out their oddball behavior and I have to admit some of the very weird, yet meant to be sincere, things my relatives do seriously crack me up. All you can do is laugh really, because unfortunately we are related to these people and there's no way out LOL I get your annoyance though, dealing with craziness gets old pretty fast.

Honestly, I don't think it's so odd to invite people you haven't seen in a long time to big, special events like milestone birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and whatnot. That's kind of what those days are for- it's a good opportunity to gather people together, reconnect, and see family/friends you may have lost touch with. I definitely agree with you not going, as I probably wouldn't in that case either, but I do think it's okay for them to reach out even if it's been years.

melody921 · November 2013

eshee8198 said:

Is it a surprise party? I know when I threw my parents a surprise anniversary party a few years back, I just stole their address book and reached out to anyone in there. I'm sure there were some folks that gave me the WTF when they got my email (I give myself a pass because I was much younger then).

We also once got a wedding invite that was clearly the case my common last name and a google search gone wrong. Although it was tempting to respond...

It is a surprise. But my brother and I have both moved within the past 2 years, so we wouldn't have even been in our aunt's address book.

melody921 · November 2013

mamaHippo23 said:

Haha, yup I guess the "fun" part is trying to figure out their oddball behavior and I have to admit some of the very weird, yet meant to be sincere, things my relatives do seriously crack me up. All you can do is laugh really, because unfortunately we are related to these people and there's no way out LOL I get your annoyance though, dealing with craziness gets old pretty fast.
Honestly, I don't think it's so odd to invite people you haven't seen in a long time to big, special events like milestone birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and whatnot. That's kind of what those days are for- it's a good opportunity to gather people together, reconnect, and see family/friends you may have lost touch with. I definitely agree with you not going, as I probably wouldn't in that case either, but I do think it's okay for them to reach out even if it's been years.

I guess it just feels gift-grabby or weird when no one has reached out for a decade. But, I shouldn't really expect more from some relatives at this point.

Hyaline · November 2013

I'm probably being a dunce, but I tend to not think of adult's b-day parties as gift-giving occasions. Mostly because every invite I've ever gotten has had something of a "no gifts" line somewhere (Your presence is your gift, Please shower Granny with cards only, that kind of thing). So random side question--do people typically give gifts (if they wouldn't have anyway, like for a parent) at milestone birthday parties?

Original question: I find it weird but not grossly out of line.

melody921 · November 2013

Hyaline said:

I'm probably being a dunce, but I tend to not think of adult's b-day parties as gift-giving occasions. Mostly because every invite I've ever gotten has had something of a "no gifts" line somewhere (Your presence is your gift, Please shower Granny with cards only, that kind of thing). So random side question--do people typically give gifts (if they wouldn't have anyway, like for a parent) at milestone birthday parties?

Original question: I find it weird but not grossly out of line.

On this side of the family, yeah, she'd probably expect a gift. They have a history of being grabby. I think I'd typically bring a bottle of wine or something small.

MississippiCatfish · November 2013

I think it's a little odd, but not rude. I think it's a possibility that they included you in an attempt to avoid being rude. Also, like Hyaline said, I would never feel like it was expected to bring a gift to an adult's birthday party. That would have never, ever crossed my mind as a motivation, and I have some pretty dysfunctional family dynamics as well.

That said, I realize I don't know her;)

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