Now What .... ??!!! (warning mc mention)

PrivateOne · November 2013

So the m/c bleeding is nearing its end and my bw will be done again tomorrow to see where my hcg levels are. It has left me feeling anxious once again as to starting this whole process up again and the waiting I'll have to endure before I realistically can start another round of IVF. This limbo land stinks. I'm going to start using OPKs soon to see if we can miraculously conceive on our own while we wait. I have about 0% hope in that though as we tried that route for 4 years and it never happened.

Just needing to vent on this Tuesday as I'm just feeling crappy at the realization that I'm now in a long holding pattern, nothing worse. I suppose I should hit up the m/c/loss boards, but they are a bit depressing and I like the comfort of this board to be honest. I truly enjoy knowing most folks here are relatively around my age and we know the extra sorrow of what "AMA" means vs the youthful 20 somethings who post elsewhere. Not to say their journey isn't just as hard, but once you cross a certain age it can be just that much harder to deal with. I'm driving myself a little nuts these days by reviewing the stats of less than 5% success rate for my age. That fact is just really laying heavy on me the past few days and the wait will only make me that much older when we cycle again.

Thanks for listening! I'm going to get off my soapbox now and stop the pity party I'm throwing.

hooligans4 · November 2013

So sorry you are going through this. Although this is a ttc board I'm sure most of us have suffered a loss so we are here for you and understand your sorrows.
I agree with you about this board. It is very comforting to share with woman who are in the same situation.
I would strongly urge you to continue trying on your own while you wait to cycle again. It will give you something to focus on while you wait to do IVF again.
Take care of yourself and I am so very sorry for your loss.

ksgsmu · November 2013

I am so sorry for your loss.... I know after my MC was a devastating and very confusing and frustrating time. Getting your cycle back to "normal" can be a challenge. I temped and charted the cycle after and it was all over the place.. I didn't even ovulate until CD20 ( normally CD12)... And my period after the MC was CRAZY! So just know going forward to expect the unexpected and try not to stress too much. ( I know easier said than done!) Be kind to yourself and your body as you continue to heal.

dajhughes · November 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so incredibly frustrating - especially for those of us who are over 35 and put so much into trying. I would urge to make sure you get the all clear from your doctor before trying again - even on your own - since most will recommend at least to wait for a full cycle after a miscarriage before trying again. It gives your lining a chance to build up and allow for your body to heal. Just be careful and take care of yourself. (((hugs)))

jchow009 · November 2013

I don't have further advice. But I want to tell you again how sorry I am, allow yourself to grieve. It will get better although I have to admit I still think about it all the time. Lean on your husband and also support him. And we are here for you.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2013

Doing nothing and just waiting for time to pass is really hard. I hate to say this but you might be surprised that it can take a while for hCG to get back to zero. Just for an example, I started bleeding on 2/19/13 and my beta did not get to zero until 3/11/13 and I did not get another AF until 4/8/13. I then had a 51 day cycle (normal cycle for me is about 25 days). It was a truly hard time and it is out of your hands. Do the best you can each day. Ps: the m/c board wasn't right for me either as they all talked about trying again and it wasn't that simple for me since we need donor eggs and IVF...

BeckyP005 · November 2013

Everyone has given you good advice. I'm sorry you are dealing with this and might have to wait awhile for your next cycle. One day at a time. We are here to listen for whatever vent you want to throw at us!

Any hobbies? That is one thing I wished while waiting was that I had one. My only hobby was "drinking" and line dancing...lol. {HUGS}

ClaireHuxtable · November 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. Limbo land is the absolute worst.

As pps have mentioned a hobby - Perhaps something challenging that really does require focus and brain power. I have a table in my garage I want to refinish (and a book shelf), I'm keeping those projects on the shelf just in case. Maybe even boning up on the foreign language you studied in high school/college, teaching yourself to sew/knit or re-upholstering. However you get through this tough time, I'm wishing you peace of mind.

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