Guilt (T&Ps request-Loss Mentioned)

FmrAFBrat · November 2013

I'm not even sure where to begin this post or how to even express how sad I am for my brother and SIL. I just found out last night that they were expecting baby number 3 in May (they have a 3 year old DD and a 15 month old DS). They had a regular appointment yesterday at 13 weeks and found out the baby died. I feel so horrible for them. She is going in for a procedure to have the baby removed today. I'm at a loss of what to say or do. I've thought about sending her something, but we have been distance since my loss 3 years ago.

We all were engaged/married/TTC at around the same time and they got pregnant very easily the first time (even announced at 4 weeks) and had my niece the same week I lost my first pregnancy. Sadly, due to the fact that I was hospitalized for 2 nights (3 if you count the night I found out) my loss was known to more people than I would have liked and some things were said to me that really upset me at the time, by a lot of family members including my brother and grandparents. I was hurt and pretty much didn't go out of my way to call him (& other family) other than for holidays and birthdays. Not sure where to go with this but I've always been jealous of how easy things seemed for them and now I feel really bad for them. Any thoughts?

adoxyinherear · November 2013

That would be incredibly difficult. Maybe a brief note or some expression of your condolences, as chances are they might want some space? It sounds like because they didn't understand your grief when you experienced a loss, that might make it even more challenging for them to talk with you about what's happened (I know I'd feel guilty, and that would make it complicated and even harder). Lots of hugs. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.