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ladies, my heart hurts

SnowflakeBride06SnowflakeBride06 member
in Secondary IF
I have been trying so hard to stay positive but I am down. I thought that the IUIs would work and here I am 2 failed IUIs later and 18 mo of trying with one m/c. No baby.  

I am trying to be at peace with having my one special girl but its so hard to ignore my desire to have another baby.

No real point but just had to get it out there. Will my desire to add to our family ever go away?  Of course, I am the optimist that after reading BFP stories after failed IUIs hopes that will happen to me this once.  But I know I am probably not that lucky.



 6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                             50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                  100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
Took a LONG Break
Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
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Re: ladies, my heart hurts

  • freakyfastfreakyfast member
    (((HUGS)))



      


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  • SnowflakeBride06SnowflakeBride06 member
    freakyfast said:
    (((HUGS)))
    Thanks lady, how is your recovery going?


     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
    Report Reply
  • freakyfastfreakyfast member
    I am much better, thank you so much for asking.  Still tired and the area I had a lot of pain still pulls at me once in awhile. But overall much better. Can't believe it was a week ago already and this time last week, I was just waking up from surgery getting a shot in my ass for pain. sigh 

    Are you going to try another IUI? 



      


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  • SnowflakeBride06SnowflakeBride06 member
    freakyfast said:
    I am much better, thank you so much for asking.  Still tired and the area I had a lot of pain still pulls at me once in awhile. But overall much better. Can't believe it was a week ago already and this time last week, I was just waking up from surgery getting a shot in my ass for pain. sigh 

    Are you going to try another IUI? 
    I remember with my lap torsion surgery having a lot of pain in my belly button incision, that hurt for a while!

    We are on a break for a while. DH wants to stop treatment but isn't done TTC but doesn't want to do anything extreme yet. RE wants to do 1-2 more rounds of IUI but suggested IVF as he thinks my problem is one tube and the good ovary is on my tubeless side.

    I never considered IVF an option for us but am starting to think about it.



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
    Report Reply
  • freakyfastfreakyfast member
    SnowflakeBride06 said:
    I remember with my lap torsion surgery having a lot of pain in my belly button incision, that hurt for a while!

    We are on a break for a while. DH wants to stop treatment but isn't done TTC but doesn't want to do anything extreme yet. RE wants to do 1-2 more rounds of IUI but suggested IVF as he thinks my problem is one tube and the good ovary is on my tubeless side.

    I never considered IVF an option for us but am starting to think about it.


    OHH! That is right I remember now with your tube.  I never considered IVF either but if you are considering it. So far it really isn't that bad.  If you have the coverage I would suggest going for it.  If you don't then it is a hard 'bill' to swallow, but we are here for you no matter what you decide!



      


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  • SnowflakeBride06SnowflakeBride06 member
    @Freakyfast

    We have the ins. coverage, I am struggling with the dilemma of additional embryos we may not use. Plus the toll it takes on the body with the procedures freaks me out. But you give me hope!


     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
    Report Reply
  • freakyfastfreakyfast member
    Awe... I will tell you that it is A LOT easier than the horror stories out there say it is.  I didn't hardly notice ANY difference except for bloating after retrieval.  I am having the most problems with the stupid birth control! GRRR! 
    The additional embryos is a tough one.  I struggled with that too, but for us it isn't an issue, unless we go through IVF again.  BUT there are options with that too. 



      


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  • tuscanbride2007tuscanbride2007 member
    Aww hon, I am so sorry your heart is hurting. I don't think my DH is board with more aggressive treatments so I have this cycle and next and then we might be on our own for a bit, but my DD is getting older (as are we) and I don't know how much longer we will try.

    IF sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    >:D<

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

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  • CheesyPeasCheesyPeas member
    ((hugs)), lady.  I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

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  • uagirluagirl member
    ((hugs))  I'm sorry you are hurting.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker

    m/c 05/2009
    DD born 8/9/10
    TTC #2 since 8/2012
    CP 12/2012
    dx MFI 10/2013
    Surprise BFP 11/6/2013  EDD 7/19/2014
    Beta #1 15 dpo HCG 355 Prog 30.9
    Beta #2 22 dpo HCG 8147 Prog 18.8
    Beta #3 29 dpo HCG 44580 Prog 29.8

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  • AlmostWrightAlmostWright member
    I am sorry :( I wish I had something better to say. The additional embryo dilemma was a big factor in whether we would do IVF or not as well. Have you talked to your RE about it? Mine was fairly reassuring that we would have options, such as freezing the eggs if we got a lot and using a minimal stimulation protocol. Hoping you get your surprise BFP!

    DS born Jan 2010

    TTC#2 since Nov 2010 with breaks for DH cancer tx (remission!)

    Tube with hydro removed Feb 2013

    BFP 11/11/13 IUI#2 clomid+trigger+prometrium

    Beta #1 14dpIUI=106; Beta #2 16dpIUI=287; Beta #3 20dpIUI=1158

    5w6d 1 hb 109 and 2nd smaller sac; 7w0d 1 hb 125 and confirmed vanishing twin

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • pettycrockerpettycrocker member
    I think everyone feels this way sometimes and IMO it's totally fine. IF is like a freaking roller coaster, it's impossible to try to positive ALL THE TIME, when there is so much disappointment we have to deal with. It's good to vent- let it out, then hopefully you can pick yourself up and keep trudging along, you know? Sometimes you just need to feel a little sorry for yourself. 


    Big hugs! 


    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 



    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Jen071407Jen071407 member
    ((hugs)) Anything and everything about IF stinks, and takes such an emotional toll. I will say that it was my 3rd IUI that ended in a bfp in July, so don't give up hope yet! The extra embryos is a dilemma we need to reach a resolution on if/when we decide to move on to IVF as well. 

    Two DDs 10/08 and 08/10, no primary IF
    TTC #3 since 10/2011 - dx unexplained/weak ovulation
     3 BFN clomid + TI cycles, 5 BFN clomid/gonal f IUIs, 1 mmc IUI
    2/19/2014 IVF #1 Unexpected low E2 (oversuppressed) -> increased to max doses = 3 or 4 follicles, converting to IUI
    BFFP Saw 1 beautiful heartbeat at 6w6d, follow up u/s at 9w showed mmc. Eff this.
    NTNP 5/2014-9/2014, OPKs and TI 10/2014 - 1/2015. 
    RPL testing all normal, AFC, AMH, and FSH all normal. 
    IVF 1.2 1/22/2014 natural cycle start, AFC 28, 300 gonal f/150menopur. 
    ER 2/3/15 14R 8M 3F w/ICSI Day 5 transfer on 2/8/15 of one "Grade A+" blast and have TWO frosties! 

     image

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