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Intro and Bed Sharing Anxiety

option458option458 member
in Attachment Parenting
Hi Ladies,

I am mom to three awesome kids, the youngest being 2 months. My husband and I naturally gravitate towards AP and find it works well for us. That being said, the only way I can get my lo to sleep is either on top of me or in the bed next to me. He has a bassinet right next to our bed, but won't stay asleep if I try to move him. I am very nervous about bed sharing at this age. I would appreciate any tips you have about how to bed share safely or transition him to his bassinet. I don't have a preference, just need to sleep!!
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Re: Intro and Bed Sharing Anxiety

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  • option458option458 member
    Thank you so much for the thoughtful answer. I'm not opposed to bed sharing for any reason other than just wanting to make sure he's safe. Like you said I love the cuddles and the closeness, I just need to wrap my head around the safety factor.
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  • kellyrn9956kellyrn9956 member
    I've been bedsharing since he was a few weeks old. You have to be aware of them, meaning that if you are an extremely deep sleeper, probably not the best idea. But very few new moms are deep sleepers like that - we are in touch to our LO's needs and cues. 

    We are a little more lax now, but when he was tiny, no covers, no pillows. I slept in tight clothing and tied my hair back.  I slept on my side and made sure he was on his back all night. There were still evenings I got nervous about it, but I knew that I was doing all of the right things. 
    Started TTC 2/2009
    Started fertility treatments 11/2010
    Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
    6 failed medicated IUI's
    Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
    Decided to adopt - 6/2012
    SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012 
    Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
    Decided to be "One and Done"

    ....OR NOT.
    Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
    Here we go again...
    Due 8/26/19!
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  • MJM3108MJM3108 member
    @kellyrn9956, I absolutely love your siggy!!!! 

    To OP, I ditto everything PP said. 
    PAL JULY SIGGY CHALLENGE: CAKE WRECKS
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    You Made me a mommy... 

    Ticker id: ARvP

           imageimageimageimageimage
     Lilypie - (KAFM)

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  • Mrs.AmyDylanMrs.AmyDylan member
    Welcome! We have co-slept and primarily bed shared since DD was born 10.5mo ago. Emerald provided some fantastic research based websites.

    Additionally, I found this website to be an excellent antidotal reference, especially the photographic tutorial on safe bed sharing. https://www.hobomama.com/2010/06/how-to-cosleep-safely-tutorial-in.html

    Hugs and hope you get some sleep!
    TTC Since 3/2010
    Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
    Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
    Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
    IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
    ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
    ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
    Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
    Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!! 
    Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!

    TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014. 

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  • SM2321SM2321 member
    It is all fine until you accidentally smother your baby. I swear it happens. I just took care of a child today who died from cobedding. Trust me you don't want to be those parents.
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    SM2321 said:

    It is all fine until you accidentally smother your baby. I swear it happens. I just took care of a child today who died from cobedding. Trust me you don't want to be those parents.

    I'm sorry for your loss, but you should really educate yourself on this subject before you go saying things like this.

    Also, this is an Attachment Parenting board. The mamas here have done their homework, know the benefits and risks of bedsharing, and the ones who do have made informed decisions about it. So...in other words...GTFO!
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  • SM2321SM2321 member
    It was not a personal loss. I am a physician in an ER and from experience well educated people with all sorts of resources (reading about something does not make you an expert) smother their babies a few times a year. This year to date I have personally worked on 5 cases. I'm all for attachment parenting but a bassinet or cosleeper is key.
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  • SM2321SM2321 member
    I bring up those five cases in which the medically indicated precautions were taken and still left poor results. I'm just illustrating the point that this is a calculated risk like wearing a bike without a helmet or driving a car without a seatbelt. I'm not judging just illustrating the opposite viewpoint
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  • SM2321SM2321 member
    Riding... Sorry am at work and typing fast
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  • st.augbridest.augbride member
    I personally felt safer with dd in the RNP until she was bigger and could roll on her own (at which point she couldn't stay in the RNP anymore and rejected the crib which I brought in our room, so she's been in bed with me since. There were many times I fell asleep with her on me before that, but it was not something I was completely comfortable with.
    imageLilypie Premature Baby tickers imageLilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • option458option458 member
    This is exactly how I feel about it! If we could just fight through this until our lo is a little bit older, I'd feel safer about bed sharing.
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  • SarahandSam2007SarahandSam2007 member
    We did the RNP until 4 months...that's when I was more comfortable having DS in our bed all night.  Had I read Dr. James McKenna's research earlier, I would have felt comfortable bringing him in bed from the day he was born. 

    Babies getting "smothered" while their mother's were taking all advised precautions does not sound accurate to me.  If DS whines, I am awake.  If he kicks me, I am awake.  If there are no blankets, pillows or gaps around the baby, then the only thing that could smother the baby is the mom's body.  The hormonal connection between a mom and their baby makes that darn near impossible.  I would have to say that the five instances mentioned by the health professional (who I am SURE is well-read on peer-reviewed research, right?) must have involved aspects of unsafe co-sleeping. 

    I can not remember who, but someone on this board posted once about how thankful they were that they beds hared.  In the middle of the night, their infant started kicking her because he was not breathing properly.

    Read up on Dr. McKenna.  It's perfectly fine to wait to cosleep when you infant is a bit bigger.  I think you'll also just know when you are more comfortable with it once you see how quickly you arouse when your baby does.  I almost always wake up a few moments before my son does. 
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  • option458option458 member
    He slept in his RNP last night for five hours! I was thrilled. I've been avoiding letting him sleep in it based on some things I've read about it not being good for baby's head shape. I needed some sleep though, so I gave it a shot.

    I have noticed that when he sleeps with us I am VERY aware of his every move. Deep down, I believe I would wake up if something were wrong, but I'm still a little nervous. I will definitely read up on Dr. McKenna.
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  • SarahandSam2007SarahandSam2007 member
    option458 said:
    He slept in his RNP last night for five hours! I was thrilled. I've been avoiding letting him sleep in it based on some things I've read about it not being good for baby's head shape. I needed some sleep though, so I gave it a shot. I have noticed that when he sleeps with us I am VERY aware of his every move. Deep down, I believe I would wake up if something were wrong, but I'm still a little nervous. I will definitely read up on Dr. McKenna.
    That totally happened the first time our DS was in the RNP!  Slept 7 hours straight!  I took a cotton blanket, folded it up and put it underneath the "cover" part of the RNP for more of a cushion on DS's head.  No head shape issues.  I agree that the plastic there is hard, so just cushion it up a bit!
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  • st.augbridest.augbride member
    edited November 2013
    Both my kids slept in the RNP until about 5 months old. Ds developed a flattened head and dd did not. Ds's issues were NOT because of the RNP. That would have happened in the crib too. They were because he had lower muscle tone and torticollis. Just rotate their head when you can and only have them in there at night. Both kids slept way better in the RNP than even in bed! When dd was still in the RNP she slept 5-8 hours and once even 10 straight! Now in bed, I get 3-4 max (but then just a gentle wake-up to nurse and go right back).
    imageLilypie Premature Baby tickers imageLilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • MarusikaMarusika member
    edited November 2013
    Maybe I`m asking something very stupid, but as a FTM I need an advice.
    I am really afraid of cosleeping ( I can`t sleep without a heavy blanket and I fall asleep in a position and wake up in another) So I`m looking for a safe cosleeping option... What if I buy a kind of basket/ basinet and put it in our bed next to me? 
    Like this one..
    image

    or this one..
    image

    or my idea is completely crazy?
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker

    imageimageimage
    Baby# 1 - gone at 6 weeks - Oct 2009
    Baby# 2 ( beloved girl Maria) -stillbirth at 31 weeks - Apr 2013
    Baby# 3 EDD April 2014 - Hope it`s our take home baby

    *sorry for grammar mistakes, I learned english pretty much by myself.

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  • heatherneeny76heatherneeny76 member
    We are registering for an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, which is a three-sided crib that securely attaches to the side of the bed. It allows the baby to have his/her own, firm sleeping space but also be within arm's reach of me. It only fits babies up to 5/6 months, but that will probably be long enough for you to make a decision about where baby is safest. 


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  • MamaAlohaMamaAloha member
    We have been bed-sharing since day one. For the first three or maybe four months I used this 'Snuggle Nest' and felt really comfortable with the space it gave LO in the big bed.


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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