to be a SAHM or not

ARZamora1111 · November 2013

So I'm pretty sure I made a HUGE mistake today in mentioning DH's and my SAHM/D discussion to my supervisor (also a close friend outside of work). She knew we were debating on one of us staying home after #2 or #3 and I was hoping DH would do it as I never pictured myself as a SAHM and made more than him. However, we are now equal pay and it looks as though he will be able to make more money faster than me. Also, I have a burning desire to start a photography business. I mentioned this to my supervisor during lunch and her whole demeanor changed; made me say to myself, "oh sh*t! I shouldn't of said anything." I semi-backpedaled saying that it was beyond up in the air as we have to look at finances, job earnings, money save versus money lost, etc, etc. DH should have a review in January, so we will see what we could be looking at for annual raises. Also, I don't even know if I'm pregnant yet, so who knows when this would happen. She said she would prefer me to tell our boss sooner than later so they can prepare and look at getting a replacement in ASAP for training. I totally understand needing as much notice as possible and to get someone in for training, however, I don't know if I feel comfortable mentioning this "idea" I have of the POTENITAL of not returning after my unforeseen maternity leave. I would feel like they are pushing me out before I even know if I'm leaving or not. I told her I would at least have to wait until after DH's review, but that's assuming I'm pregnant. I really don't know if we could do it unless we buckled down now and got a bunch of stuff paid off...

As I said, I know I made a mistake in mentioning this, but your thoughts on what I should do?

Also, if you are a SAHM/D how did you come to that decision? How is it working? Ways to cut your budget? What was the cost difference between working and staying at home?

SidraJedi · November 2013

I used to manage a small business. If one of my employees/friends said that to me I would love to hear about her genuine concerns about losing her job before she knew if you wanted to. Also I would want to hear that you will give a month notice to train your replacement.

If your supervisor/friend is chill and trusts you you should be okay.

VPGIRL06 · November 2013

Technically, they can't do anything. But, to be fair, you can't control what people might "think" and you can't blame them for being on the lookout. I would say, if it comes up, just say you were thinking out loud about possibilities in the future, but as of right now it isn't an option. But, if it did become an option, you would give them plenty of notice to get someone in and trained.

Ours was purely financial. I wasn't making enough to justify daycare where we live. Even though my work offered me a raise after the baby (they really wanted me to stay on), the amount of time they would want me to work with how much I would be paid didn't justify the little extra I would have coming in. I would be working 50 hours a week at a place with no future making very little money. It didn't make any sense

It's going ok. I'm not a great SAHW, so the housework has always been hard for me. I'm actually looking at some ways to have job opportunities next year when she's a year old (part time) where I could either bring her to my job or she could be watched by grandparents 1-2x a week. My job also came back last month and asked me to come back for a little and work remotely on some projects, so that's been a nice way to get some income.

Cost cutting has been...i usually make a meal plan and try and grocery shop every one to 2 days so i'm not getting stuff we'll throw away. We don't really go anywhere/spend a lot of money, and I try and save money n "baby" stuff by doing Amazon Mom for diapers and wipes, looking at where the cheapest formula price will be for her formula, getting coupons for the few times we eat out of the house...i haven't gotten my hair done in 4 months, and I just gave up little luxuries.

haileyq · November 2013

Cloth diapering saves us lots of $$. And I agree, meal planning and *sticking to it* helps save $$ too. I don't SAH but I significantly cut my hours post baby.

Mrs.Castaldi · November 2013

I probably wouldn't have mentioned anything, but it's not like you can take it back now.

DH & I had to seriously look at our finances and evaluate what we spent money on, no more last minute trips anywhere anymore. I sah now and while I love it I was not mentally prepared for it. I was never a baby person and it became my 24/7.

We plan our meals for the week, set a "dining out" budget (we use EEBA easy envelopes budget aid app to track EVERYTHING! Groceries, gas, Starbucks, etc) we don't stick to our budget exactly but it lets us see that "oh this past weekend we spent a bit much the next two weekends need to be quiet"

PipSqueak0313 · November 2013

I left my FT job in July after returning to work in April. Originally, the plan was for me to find another FT job and all that BUT with ds2 having frequent appointments (EI, weight checks, etc) and then ds1 having a bunch of dr appointments we couldn't figure out how to do a FT job and take off so much time. Then we figured out the cost of me working FT (cost of owning 2nd car, weekly meals, replacing my work clothing (my work wardrobe is over 10 years old), and day care) and we realized that my income - the cost of working came to about $500/month. So we looked at the option of me working a PT job. Now, I work PT a couple evenings a week at a local fast food place (and am enjoying it more than I did my FT job) and dh and ds1 do the babysitting and we estimate that my net income will be close to that $500/month even though my taxable income is much lower.

To cut expenses, I dropped from a smart phone to a "regular" phone, I breastfeed as much as I can (though now we also get WIC to cover the cost of the Neocate formula for ds2), we use cloth diapers, I have switched us to cloth "unpaper towels" and cloth napkins, we are selling "my" car, we cut our grocery bill in half by not buying as much junk foods and by making cheaper meals, I buy used/clearance baby clothes,

jdilorenzo · November 2013

I stay home and love it. I babysit a 4 year old 9 hours a week. It give me a little money and a chance to get out of the house three days a week. My daughter love to "play" with the little girl too. We are still working on saving money. I am using coupons a lot more. We don't eat out and I don't shop for myself anymore. I was making over 40,000 a year and I now make 100 a week. So it's a huge cut but I love being home.

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