Thank You or No Thank You?

Portland1916 · November 2013

Hi, ladies!
My baby shower was last weekend. Two women attended and did not bring gifts - no biggie to me, I am just happy they came. Do I send a "thank you for taking time out of your weekend to join me at my shower" thank you notes or do I not send a thank you at all?

Would love opinions on both sides of this, as I don't think there is technically a right or wrong answer.
Thanks!

ArgyleBride · November 2013

The official Miss Manners answer may surprise you--no thank-you note. If you want to send a chatty little note and mention how you enjoyed seeing them, I think it could be perfectly charming. Just don't send something that walks and talks exactly like a thank-you for a gift, minus the gift. It would be gratuitous at best, and interpreted as a hint/shaming at worst.

dufferoo · November 2013

Love me some Miss Manners! Yes, if you are the type to write your friend a letter just for fun, by all means do it, but if you write one just to say "thanks for coming," you certainly run the risk of coming across like, "Thanks for nothing!" I would skip it. Chances are they'll give you a gift once the baby is born and you can save your letter for then.

EastCoastBride · November 2013

I find "thanks for coming" notes odd. Never heard of doing this for weddings, much less showers, until the knot. I do see them as "hey - noticed you didn't bring a gift. Just letting you know."

Paradisemoon · November 2013

EastCoastBride said:

I find "thanks for coming" notes odd. Never heard of doing this for weddings, much less showers, until the knot. I do see them as "hey - noticed you didn't bring a gift. Just letting you know."

This.

RebeccaY1 · November 2013

I send thank you notes for everything. I've always thought it was really rude to not send a thank you note for any gift giving event (Christmas, birthday, showers, wedding, etc). I send thank you notes to say thank you for coming. I know that there will be a few people that will be travelling far distances for my shower and think they should be thanked. If you had a specific conversation with those people you could refer to that (e.g. it was so nice to talk to you about ...). It is really reading into it to think that you're trying to mention that they didn't bring gifts.

I would write Dear _____, It was so nice to see you last weekend. It was really nice to be able to celebrate with you. It was really fun playing that game___, OR talking to you about____. Sincerely, _____________.

shaunessa · November 2013

I think a mailed out thank you note is completely different than a thank you email. Thank you cards are sent to those who gave gifts. An email stating how you simply enjoyed their presence and time would be nice. I know I'd feel awkward getting a card saying "thanks for coming".

74dragonfly · November 2013

I wouldn't send a note. I think it comes across as hinting for a gift/where is my gift, etc.

sschwege · November 2013

My short answer would be 'no'. As pp said it might be read as a reminder to 'please send a gift'.

My longer answer is 99% of the time 'no' and here's why: I think the only way I would send a note would be if someone made a huge effort to get there, like flew half way across the country or something. We had a few people come to our wedding who did not give a gift, which was fine of course but I did not write them a thank you card with one exception. My aunt who was unemployed at the time flew in for both our engagement party and wedding. I know it was a huge financial burden for her to do so and I wanted to let her know how much it meant to us that she came because her coming was the greatest gift.

Portland1916 · November 2013

Thanks for all the feedback. Both women live in my neighborhood and I see them often, so I think I'm going to skip the TY notes.

mcgeeva · November 2013

ArgyleBride said:
The official Miss Manners answer may surprise you--no thank-you note. If you want to send a chatty little note and mention how you enjoyed seeing them, I think it could be perfectly charming. Just don't send something that walks and talks exactly like a thank-you for a gift, minus the gift. It would be gratuitous at best, and interpreted as a hint/shaming at worst.

I agree wth this all the way. My mil did something terribl disgusting after I got married. Contacted two family members to say thanks for coming but I think we might of lost your card. I know it's not the same but as nice as it is to get a than you someone could take it as thanks for coming but where is my gift? Just a thought

lollipoppoop · November 2013

I wouldn't send a note either.

mb314 · November 2013

I think an email would be okay, or say thanks for coming in person. I agree with miss manners that sending a formal note looks like you're calling attention to the fact that they didn't bring a gift.

SparkySharky · November 2013

ArgyleBride said:

The official Miss Manners answer may surprise you--no thank-you note. If you want to send a chatty little note and mention how you enjoyed seeing them, I think it could be perfectly charming. Just don't send something that walks and talks exactly like a thank-you for a gift, minus the gift. It would be gratuitous at best, and interpreted as a hint/shaming at worst.

Crap. I sent thank yous to those who attended my wedding sans gift. It was technically a destination wedding, though, so maybe still appropriate...

RedInLove · November 2013

Definitely! I had a couple attend our wedding that didn't leave a gift, and I sent a thank you for coming note to them.

MMason12 · December 2013

You will usually find mixed feeling on the board about this. I always send people a thank you note for coming to event regardless of whether or not they brought a gift. They still took time out of the day/lives to come celebrate with us and to me it is more about people's company than it is about getting gifts.

raw1299 · December 2013

That's a no in my book. Quite a few relatives came to my wedding without cards or gifts, so I didn't send them anything in return. I'd do the same for showers.

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