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Ash2015
member
Advice needed-Clueless friends/family
Ash2015
member
There are multiple people in mine and SO's family/friend group who point out differences about people they see. Basically, they don't necessarily "make fun" of people that they see who are different (whether disabled, quirky, etc.), they just tend to point out those things. For example, we may be out to dinner with a family member or friend and someone will walk by and they'll say, "Wow, did you see how funny that guy walked? I wonder what's wrong with him." which is also something that bothers me, the fact that the observation is almost always followed by an assumption that there is something "wrong" with that individual. I was even out with a friend once when he pointed out a man's weak arm and said, "Look at how weird that guy's arm is!". That hit especially close to home because DS's arm is his main point of weakness. I know that they don't understand that the things they're saying can be hurtful, but they really do bother me. I've come close to tears before from hearing these things. I'm just looking for a way to point out that they shouldn't say these things without sounding like a total b!tch.
By the way, all of these people know about DS's CP. TIA!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice needed-Clueless friends/family
This makes me think though, sometimes Doug and I point out other peoples disabilities. But, it's more like, "Hey, look at the way that person is holding their arm, I wonder if they have CP?". We started doing this after Lily was born, as a way to connect with the world around us. It reassures us that we're not alone - that others are, or have gone through what we are going through. I wonder if in some way this is your families way of trying to connect with you, your DH and DS. Or, if they are trying to make sense of a world they know nothing about. Or, it could just be a bad habbit.
If you think your family may just be trying to connect with you and your family, or if you think they are just trying to make sense of disability, I'd probably try a nice explanation as to why their comments are hurtful. If, however, this is just a rude habit, I'd probably be more snippy.
I wanted to chime in as someone who "walks funny" at times. Due to my health - I ocassionally walk with a limp, it used to be really bad, comes and goes and I am happy for good days when no one notices because that day there may be nothing to notice.
However, on the days when it is noticeable, I can tell you that I/we hear those comments when people think we are out of earshot - or we hear nothing followed by whispers which tell us something is being said. It hurts more that we are not confronted, that people talk about us and not too us, and that people talk around us - as if our very visible physical disabilities make our true selves invisible.
I am glad you are wanting to advocate for positive experiences for your son, as well as stand up for your own beliefs to your family. But that is what you have to do - stand up and say something or stand, speak, and be prepared to walk away from their company at times. Ignorance seems to sound like the issue here with your family, not of the disease, but that they have no idea how to handle the situation - it's either none of their business or if they truly care....well this wouldn't be happening. Also a final thought, if they have no filter for this kind of thing and are not approached, there is a good chance when DS is older, growing up, they will say things to/around/about DS's weakness that will make him and you feel not great.