Extended Breastfeeders

bullybutt · November 2013

My DS is 15 months old and I have always thought that I would let him wean on his own. He is VERY attached to the boob, especially at night (comfort, I assume). I keep telling myself that he will give up the boob when he is ready but I also wish that he was weaned. So to you ExBF's, did your LO actually wean on their own or did you have to do it for them? If you weaned them, how?

somewhereincali · November 2013

I nightweaned (basically just stopped offering despite tears) at 14 months.

My 27 month olds still nurse a lot during the day and show no signs of weaning on their own.

bullybutt · November 2013

Oh no, that is not what I was hoping to hear

My DS rarely nurses during the day, but he "needs" it to fall asleep and he freaks out if he doesn't get it in the middle of the night. He has never taken a pacifier and has no other comfort 'tool'. My SO is absolutely no help in trying to put him to bed and he doesn't know how to soothe/comfort other than saying an obnoxious, high-pitched "NOOOOOO" when DS starts to cry. So I'm on my own.

somewhereincali · November 2013

I'm sure there are other cases of peoples kids who did wean on their own. I guess my advice is that you have to decide what is right for you guys right now, if you are OK with nursing at night then keep it up, if you need to be done for your own sanity its ok and you can do it even with kids who are super attached to nursing. But you should make some kind of choice for now.

Emerald27 · November 2013

I still nurse my 2-year-old on demand, day and night. He nurses most significantly when he wakes, before naptime, and before bed. He stopped nursing to sleep a few months ago on his own and now lays with me, nurses and snuggles a bit, and then rolls over to go to sleep.

If allowed to wean themselves, most children will wean naturally between the ages of 2 and 7 (the higher number comes from countries without good sources of nutrition in addition to breastmilk, where kids nurse longer because they have little else to eat). Most American children allowed to self-wean do so between 2.5 and 3.5.

Breastfeeding a toddler doesn't have to be on demand. You can structure your breastfeeding relationship to be meaningful for you: for example, you could wean down to two sessions a day and keep those sessions for another year or more.

There are very gentle methods of nudging toddlers toward weaning too, if that's the route you would like to take. The gentlest mommy-led weaning method is "don't offer, don't refuse", in which you never offer to nurse DS but also never refuse him when he asks. Busy toddlers ask less and less (usually only when upset/hurt, scared, or before and after bedtimes), until they forget all about it. This IS a weaning method and it does work, but it takes time and is very respectful of baby's needs.

Emerald27 · November 2013

As for nighttime nursing, one thing you could start doing is rubbing DS' back to help soothe him when he wakes (I do this in the middle of the night with DS) while you nurse. I've been doing that for a couple months, and sometimes DS will say "bees" when he wakes, asking to nurse, and other times now he says "back", asking me to rub his back.

blu-eyedwife · November 2013

He dropped most of his sessions on his own by 18 months. At that time, he was just doing first thing in the morning and before bed. We attempted to wean the morning session, and it was disastrous. At 20 months, he dropped that one on his own too.

We did wean the before bed session, but that was pretty easy. My DH has been doing bedtimes since the little guy was 6 weeks old. When I went back to work at 5 months, I'd come in for the nursing and then put the little guy down, but DH had already done bath, pajamas, and storytime by then. So when we weaned the nursing before bed, at 21 months, I just stopped going in. DH would do bath, pajamas, storytime, and then bedtime. For us, this was really easy and convenient, but I obviously had a lot of involvement from DH.

aglenn · November 2013

DD self-weaned a little after age 2. I did night wean somewhere between 18 months and 2 years by just telling her that "milky" (her word) was sleeping and she needs to sleep, too. (She was a horrible, awful sleeper and I was hoping this would help, which unfortunately it did not, but that is another story). She took night weaning surprisingly well and hardly objected at all. When she weaned completely she had just gotten over a bad cold and I think nursing with a super stuffy nose was just not worth it to her, and she never asked again. I was also pregnant with DS at the time so that could have impacted things as well.

DS still nurses a few times a day, and he will gladly nurse a little when he wakes up at night if I let him, but he doesn't nurse all the way to sleep. He will nurse for a few minutes and then sit up and point to his bed and say, "All done. Bed."

He is not as attached to it as DD was so I haven't been worrying about actively weaning him yet. DD was super into it and I was afraid she would nurse until college...but she did not.

My advice is to play it by ear, and if you are feeling like it's too much for you it's fine to gently set some boundaries and see how he takes it. It might be easier than you think to at least cut back some.

bullybutt · November 2013

Thank you ALL for your stories and advice. I guess I just need to be reminded that they DO, in time, figure out that it's not necessary. I will continue to follow his lead. I still feel that he is just a baby shouldn't be so urgent to rush him through babyhood.

Marsee · November 2013

Emerald27 said:

I still nurse my 2-year-old on demand, day and night. He nurses most significantly when he wakes, before naptime, and before bed. He stopped nursing to sleep a few months ago on his own and now lays with me, nurses and snuggles a bit, and then rolls over to go to sleep.

This. Only my DS is 27 mos. He's started dropping sessions on his own, many times because he's too busy. He has also started to ask to nurse and I'll sit down and get ready and he runs away and won't nurse at all. Don't know why he does that; it seems that asking to nurse is as much as a habit for him as nursing itself is. Once he figures out that he doesn't really want what he just asked for he just runs away.

We're down to 2 sessions a day now. I don't know how long he'll go for, but it seems like he's continuing to spread things out on his own.

Emerald27 · November 2013

@Marsee Since nursing is as much a show of affection and a means of connection as of milk, maybe he asks to nurse for the quick reminder of your love. Sometimes DS asks to nurse and then just latches and pops back off to play. I think it's just a "checking in" sort of thing he does, much like a hug or a kiss.

mamato3girls · November 2013

We let our kids self wean. My older two were 4.5 years old, my youngest is 28 months old and nurses 8-10 times in a 24 hour period. It is what works for our family. All kids will self wean eventually, none of them go to college still nursing but a breastfeeding relationship has to work for both mom and child. If you feel a part of it is not working for you anymore then there is nothing wrong with changing it.

nosoup4u · November 2013

I pushed both of mine to wean. DS1 was 2.5 and DS1 was closer to three. I would distract them w a tiny treat sometimes, try to change the circumstances around when they usually would ask, etc. Their last sessions they dropped were at nap and bedtime, and DS2 took forever to night wean. I think there was a decent drop off past about 18-24 mos. And asking if they wanted real food or something to drink helped some, too.

I will say, being able to nurse when they started having tantrums helped a lot. Nothing calms down an angry, pre-verbal toddler like mama meal

.

cpmich · November 2013

We nightweaned shortly after 2 using the Jay Gordon method. There were some tears the first five nights but not too many after the first two nights and none that couldn't be consoled by cuddling. By 2.5, by his choice, he was only nursing before bedtime teeth brushing and when first waking. He dropped the morning nursing before 3 and the night nursing a week later. He was just ready.

cpmich · November 2013

I think upping the healthy dinner calories helped.

ILoveRunning · November 2013

My son turned 3 yesterday and we are still nursing morning and bedtime. Honestly, I never really pushed him so our weaning has been very slow. At 18 months, he was still nursing regularly throughout the day and nighttime. If you aren't happy you can always try using some of the gentle weaning methods to cut down on the number of sessions. I found that when I wanted DS to drop his afternoon session it was very important for me to keep us moving. If we ended up sitting down, he would ask to nurse.

mexicolombiana · November 2013

DD#2 is 22 months. I don't think she'll ever wean on her own. She loves to nurse. Sigh.

noraraeuc · November 2013

It has nothing to do with them "figuring out it's unnecessary" they need to decide that it isn't necessary for them anymore. If they are still desiring the breast, it is still necessary for them.

bullybutt · November 2013

noraraeuc said:

It has nothing to do with them "figuring out it's unnecessary" they need to decide that it isn't necessary for them anymore. If they are still desiring the breast, it is still necessary for them.

Yes, that is what I meant. I whole-heartedly agree that if they are still nursing, it's because they need it (for one reason or another).

cpmich · November 2013

bullybutt said:
Thank you ALL for your stories and advice. I guess I just need to be reminded that they DO, in time, figure out that it's not necessary. I will continue to follow his lead. I still feel that he is just a baby shouldn't be so urgent to rush him through babyhood.

Aside from nightweaning, my kiddo did it completely on his own schedule. They all will get there. Just a word of caution to extended breastfeeders out there... No matter how ready you think you are, it is hard emotionally on mom to wean at any age. I have heard it described as being like post partum depression and I think it is accurate for many. I. felt very ready before he self-weaned, but I was surprised that it was so hard emotionally. Lot of body chemistry and hormone changes, I think.

halfthetree · November 2013

I night weaned around 15-16 months, and definitely started setting limits and boundaries around 18 months. Drive bys were cut off, I was feeling touched out by the constant 1 minute nursing sessions. By making sure both of our needs were being respected, we made it to 36 months, when my son self weaned.

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