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September 2012 Moms
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Advice! DS is having separation "issues"

LilLee11LilLee11 member
in September 2012 Moms
Warning - long!

Alrighty, Im at a loss. There are so many things that could be contributing to Bennett's all of a sudden separation anxiety. I traveled for over a month with the kids and 8 of those days they were with my parents because I was visiting DH in Korea. As soon as I got back he became clingy, which I really do understand.  While we were at my parents, we werent around that many people so DS is probably getting used to the chaos and commotion of being back home. We've been back almost 3 weeks, he is getting sooo much better - he will actually crawl (yes, crawl) away from me at the park now. 

Here's the thing, whenever I take him to child care at BSF or MOPs he is hysterical and they end up calling me 20 minutes later because he wont calm down. So he ends up with me. I decided I will start having a sitter on BSF days - did that this week and he was perfectly fine with a sitter at home. Today I had a sitter here so I could run errands for a few hours and again, totally fine, no tears or anything. Im thinking about getting a sitter for MOPs nights now. I feel bad saying that I need BSF and MOPs as my outlet, but really in order for me to stay sane the next 9 months, I NEED an outlet and something that is "mine". I love my kids so much but I need to get recharged some days. I would rather not have to pay for a sitter when I have free childcare at these functions, so I will prb try it again in the next couple weeks. I really dont want to spend the extra money on a sitter at this point, but I just feel like we have to in order to help Bennett adjust. 

If you have any advice plllllease help! I've even thought about leaving a picture of me with Bennett when I leave. Does that sound crazy? 
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Re: Advice! DS is having separation "issues"

  • BeachBabe22BeachBabe22 member
    I dont have any advice but I am going through the same exact thing.  My daughter is home with me all day and she's so used to be around me.  She now freaks out and cries when I walk out of the room.  She goes crazy when I take a shower and leave her in another room with my husband.  She loves to play with other kids and is ok when she's around them for some reason.  I go to the YMCA to workout and she walks into the childcare and plays the whole time i'm there without a problem. 

    It drives me crazy that I can't even walk upstairs without her acting like she's never going to see me again.  She screams and cries and doesn't calm down until i'm next to her.  Hopefully this is done soon! 
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    just keep trying. when you drop him at these places they are new surroundings. Did you leave a comfort item with him? a special toy, sippy and snack? Do you have any friends with young kids that you could maybe go grab lunch or dinner with and then bring them to the place together? I think a picture would be counter productive. He needs to learn that when you drop him off you always come back, it could take a few tries. good luck
                           
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  • LilLee11LilLee11 member
    BeachBabe22 said:

    I dont have any advice but I am going through the same exact thing.  My daughter is home with me all day and she's so used to be around me.  She now freaks out and cries when I walk out of the room.  She goes crazy when I take a shower and leave her in another room with my husband.  She loves to play with other kids and is ok when she's around them for some reason.  I go to the YMCA to workout and she walks into the childcare and plays the whole time i'm there without a problem. 


    It drives me crazy that I can't even walk upstairs without her acting like she's never going to see me again.  She screams and cries and doesn't calm down until i'm next to her.  Hopefully this is done soon! 
    That is weird she's ok everywhere else except when you leave the room. That would definitely get old fast. I have to keep reminding myself that these phases dont last forever! Good luck :)
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  • LilLee11LilLee11 member
    Holly_1007 said:

    just keep trying. when you drop him at these places they are new surroundings. Did you leave a comfort item with him? a special toy, sippy and snack? Do you have any friends with young kids that you could maybe go grab lunch or dinner with and then bring them to the place together? I think a picture would be counter productive. He needs to learn that when you drop him off you always come back, it could take a few tries. good luck

    I think I need to just keep trying, like you said. I've brought snacks, sippy cups, and he is fine at play dates w friends or lunches out. I just really hope this stages passes quickly. I'm starting to worry that once DH is home Bennett won't want to be around him. Fingers crossed that isn't the case!!
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  • mamaHippo23mamaHippo23 member

    Honestly, I think that as paid, child-care providers they should be trying longer than 20 minutes to calm him down and get him adjusted. I know my son struggled when we transitioned from SAH, to Mothers Day Out/ babysitters, and now to full-time daycare- but child care workers should be experienced in assisting children w/ separation anxiety. I feel like that falls in the category of a typical infant/toddler behavior and they need to at least try a few different things before calling you as a last resort.

    Sorry, I hope that didn't sound judgmental- but I don't want you to think it's impossible to leave him now, because I felt the same way and was shocked at how well some providers can handle it. One lady would take like 3 screaming kids on her lap and just snuggle with them in the rocking chair or on the couch until everyone calmed down. I know, some places don't have a lot of staff but I don't think it's a big deal for one staff member to sit with the kids who are having a really tough time for like 30 minutes or so, especially if it means they'll be fine the rest of the day. Like PP said, see what you can do to make him more comfortable there, but also encourage his teachers to be patient and see how it goes.

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