ok, I need some advice...

Elreid · November 2013

So my SO's grandmother has been very sick lately due to her old age. She has recently been to the hospital for a condition called vasculitis. This is NOT contagious. It looks like a rash on her legs and is due to her blood vessels breaking under her skin. Problem is that with this condition there can also be open sores on the outside of her skin. When I saw her last week at the hospital she was only breaking out on her legs, but the sores were mostly all open and some were leaking fluid...gross I know. So yesterday my SO gets a phone call from his mom asking how I am doing and if anything has progressed(obviously not, woman! I would have told you) and she mentioned that the sores have spread to gmas arms, too. This condition could take up to 6 months to get rid of. It is not contagious, but to me it's just a little scary to have her holding LO. The condition can also stay in her body and come back at any time. Right now there is no cure for her specific type and they are giving her steroids to help with the pain, swelling and rash. This could also affect her organs, and if that happens then she could possibly pass away.

My problem is obviously the open sores. Even though they are not contagious and LO would not be touching her skin to skin, would you let her hold, kiss and love on your LO? The dr that I talked to about it at the hospital said it was up to me and I do not want to be rude and mean about the situation. I know she cant help it and I really do want her to be able to see the baby and hold him....It just really makes me nervous. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks ladies.

lafsalot · November 2013

Talk with your pediatrician about the risks. I get being concerned about open sores because the chance for staph and other serious infections is possible. I also understand the conflict, she's grandma, and the regret of not letting her hold the baby if she passes would be hard. Best advice is talk with the ped, then go with your gut. Ask if they are checking for secondary infections with her before you let her hold little one. Good luck!

mom2curlygirls · November 2013

What if you give her the baby wrapped in a blanket? And then discretely change the blanket when you leave the room? Just come prepared with extra maybe? Not letting her hold the baby in my opinion would be heartbreaking and if God forbid something did happen I know my husband would feel just terrible about it. Have the baby wear a hat and come with some face wipes. So when you leave the room put all the clothing that was touched into a plastic bag. That way you can take it home and clean it and avoid any hurt feelings.

CoIvie · November 2013

mom2curlygirls said:
What if you give her the baby wrapped in a blanket? And then discretely change the blanket when you leave the room? Just come prepared with extra maybe? Not letting her hold the baby in my opinion would be heartbreaking and if God forbid something did happen I know my husband would feel just terrible about it. Have the baby wear a hat and come with some face wipes. So when you leave the room put all the clothing that was touched into a plastic bag. That way you can take it home and clean it and avoid any hurt feelings.

Like these ideas.

lmcgt · November 2013

You could ask she cover her arms and legs too just to avoid risk of other infections from open sores. Maybe it's cold where you live and she would be in long sleeves and pants so as long as she washes her hands good it should be ok. Plus the cold air and newborn is a perfect excuse to have your LO bundled up in hats, blankets and mittens!!

good luck!

IforShort · November 2013

I second the blanket idea, especially since she's not contagious. It will probably be hard for her to hold LO for long periods anyway.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

I went through something similar with my grandma when DD was about 6 months old. My grandmother had/has the same condition which comes and goes. She also has underlying medical concerns- such as hepatitis C and liver cancer. Whenever she has the sores, she does not interact with DD or now DS. This is by her choice and it's mainly because she has the infectious disease that is in her blood.

If your SO's grandmother does not have any other conditions, I would be comfortable allowing her to hold the baby as long as there is a blanket and you are able to change/wash baby. I would be a little hesitant if baby also had an open cut/sore just to minimize the risk of transferring anything.

I would definitely talk to the pediatrician as well- if only to put your mind at ease.

Sorry you are going through this and have to make this tough decision- I would also say go with your gut and talk to your SO about it. Ultimately you have to be comfortable with the decision you make.

Elreid · November 2013

I would love the blanket idea and I have thought so much about it, but the poor lady is in so much pain thy she can't wrap her legs, arms or even have a blanket on them. She says it would rip the top layer off of the sore and open it.

This is so hard for me to think about. I'm not trying to be mean or hateful, and I want her to hold the baby as much as possible, but I just can't seem to come up with a good middle ground

Elreid · November 2013

Thank you for the responses ladies

I'm going to talk to my SO and see if he has any ideas. To him it's just been common knowledge that she would be able to hold the baby but since the sores are now on her arms I'm just not too comfortable with it

[Deleted User] · November 2013

If she is in that much pain, I wonder if she would even be able to hold the baby? Maybe your SO could sit close to her and hold the baby and let her interact with the baby that way?

If she is still in the hospital, are you planning on taking your newborn to the hospital to visit her? If not, that may give you some additional time to discuss it with your pediatrician and SO. If she will be recovering in the hospital for a while, the sores may be gone by the time LO comes into contact with her.

Elreid · November 2013

I was thinking that her level of pain might be the barrier...but she is not in the hospital anymore. She is living with her daughter which is my SO's mom. So this would be my LO's great gma. It scares me to even take the baby over to grandmas now and that's where thanksgiving and other holiday festivities will be held.
I think I'm just going to have to grow a set and tell my SO's mom(not gma) that gma can't be allowed to hold the LO unless she is totally wrapped up. She will know the best way to tell her and not upset her. Do you ladies think giving the baby a kiss is ok, so I could at least tell her she could kiss him if the poor thing can't hold him? I went to the hospital to visit last week and she was just so scared that she wasn't going to survive long enough to meet LO that she cried on my shoulder. This was before she had the sores all the way up on her arms so I figured it was ok to hug her since it was not contagious.
My heart is seriously breaking having to tell her this.

ugh

jennifertewart · November 2013

I understand what you are going through, we have some close family that will probably not be vaccinated.....

maybe try setting ground rules for everyone at first to not hurt her feeling, I am going to ask everyone who wants to hold the baby wash their hands right before, no kissing the baby for the first few weeks and we are going to put mittens on him when around others.

With my experience with my nephews, our grandparents don't hold the babies very much. Maybe they don't mind and just like watching everyone else do it or they don't feel as comfortable with it. I know all families are different but it is possible she wont want to hold LO very much.

I would start off with talking with your ped then maybe your SO's mother about some ideas

Good Luck!

alexisjo88 · November 2013

I don't get why you keep highlighting that it's not contagious but are still considering not letting her hold LO. That's like holding your breath around someone with AIDS. Completely inconsiderate in my books. I think letting gma know you want to keep things sanitary, thus the blanket barrier is more than cautious enough. I agree talking to your ped about your concerns is very important.

Marinowski · November 2013

Just my 2 cents. Unless there is some other infection going on, vasculitis is pretty harmless but very painful ( like having a skinned knee where ever it breaks open). The baby isnt going to catch anything from the skin just being open. Giving the baby a kiss should be fine, it isnt contagious. If the sores hurt too much to cover gma's doc should be addressing that too since it is a danger to the gma for getting an infection. I would just make sure your lo was wrapped well in 2 clean blankets then remove the outer one once gma is done holding. That said ask your pedi for their oppinion too

Elreid · November 2013

alexisjo88 said:
I don't get why you keep highlighting that it's not contagious but are still considering not letting her hold LO. That's like holding your breath around someone with AIDS. Completely inconsiderate in my books. I think letting gma know you want to keep things sanitary, thus the blanket barrier is more than cautious enough. I agree talking to your ped about your concerns is very important.

The reason for that is because the sores are open and that could cause staph or some other type of infection that is contagious to set in. That's why I'm nervous about it. A person with aids doesn't have open sores all up and down their body. I'm sorry if you think it's inconsiderate, but this really does make me nervous and I just wanted other peoples opinion on the subject.

mom2curlygirls · November 2013

Technically staph lives in our nostrils and anyone (even not sick) can have it. It passes through open wounds for both parts. So if the little one does not have an open sore then I think it would be fine. Furthermore, if she had a staph infection, TRUST ME, she wouldn't be sitting at the house. I have had two and they are extremely painful. She would be in the hospital. I understand why you are worried, they are our brand new little ones but keeping them in a bubble is impossible and I could never deny the Great Grandma this opportunity. Keep in mind, she has had babies and she isn't out to get your LO sick. I would hope/think she would use her own common sense if she felt she had an infection. For what it's worth, with the two that I had I did not pass it on to either of my little ones nor anyone else in our household. I was immediately put on antibiotics and it's pretty obvious when it's infected even by looking at it. Mine started as an ingrown hair and turned into a huge boil overnight. I was immediately at the dr because I was in so much pain.

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