Worst MIL award goes to...

megs12914 · November 2013

@BKau inspired me to start a discussion about this. I used to always say that when I got married I would make sure I was close to my MIL and not be another horror story. However, I'm afraid I have failed because my MIL is a monster! Seriously. Her own family avoids her.

Does anyone else have to deal with crap from their MIL? It makes me feel better to know I am not alone. I'll have to come up with some examples while this post is up because if I told the whole story it would be the longest post in the history of posts!

Edit: Here's one I just remembered. When I was pregnant the first time (miscarriage), my husband told her but asked her to not tell anyone because it was very early. Well, we told her about the loss a couple of weeks later. My DH's grandfather passed away the next week and he and DH were very close. He told her we didn't want to stay at her house because of some previous problems, but did so nicely. FIL told us just not to come then but of course we went.

Both MIL and FIL refused to speak to either of us at the funeral and my poor DH was already so upset. When we got there, we found out she had not only told everyone we were pregnant but neglected to tell them about our loss. I had tons of people congratulating me on the baby and I didn't have the heart to tell them what had happened because I was falling apart, too. They then proceeded to treat SIL's boyfriend like he was there son and actually introduced him as that while ignoring their own.

Man that turned out long anyway!

pennstated912 · November 2013

My MIL is insane. She is controlling in every sense of the word and if it isn't her idea or what she wants to do, then it's wrong and she throws a hissy fit.

Example: I had DH's birthday party all planned out and she called me to tell me that it was a bad idea and that "this is what we were doing." I said absolutely not and she involved DH. It was out of control.

peanutmuse · November 2013

I'll try to be brief. I'll share 3 quick stories.

My husband I and had been dating for 4 years when his sister got married. We'd been living together for 3 of those years, but were not married yet. The invitation to SIL's wedding came to us (from MIL because SIL can't handle these things) addressed to Mr. Muse and Guest.

I miscarried last January after a year of trying to get pregnant. We started fertility treatments. My MIL knew about all of this. When we found out we were pregnant this time around, my husband told her by asking her how she would feel about being a grandmother again. Her response was, "why, are you adopting?"

Here's the best one, though. After I miscarried last January, I had a follow up appt with my OB about a week after the miscarriage, during which we were going to discuss what happened, how I was healing, and where to go from there as far as trying to get pregnant. My husband was supposed to go with me, both to support me but also to help provide him with some closure. However, I ended up having to go by myself because his mother "couldn't handle my miscarriage" and needed him to drive her to her therapist appt. (And yes, she knew about my appt and that he would have to miss it.)

monkeybutt61612 · November 2013

Mine seem kind of petty because she really isn't that bad, but it still annoys the shit out of me:

1) Got my husband a father's day card and signed it from my son

2) When we told we we would spend the day before Mother's day with her she got pissed off and us no thanks she didn't want to play "second fiddle" to me (she later apologized and we did see her)

peanutmuse · November 2013

monkeybutt61612 said:

1) Got my husband a father's day card and signed it from my son

I find little things like this to be very creepy and weird. I just wonder what was going on through her mind when she did that.

brideandbreve · November 2013

My MIL's not that bad. I do love her, but this one incident was really hurtful.

Two months after we got married, I got pregnant. It ended up being a partial molar pregnancy, I had tons of complications, needed 7 rounds of chemo, and it took forever for my HCG to go back to zero, and it took a year before we could be cleared to TTC again. When we got cleared, we tried for 6 cycles with no luck and got discouraged, so we decided to stop trying and take a break from it all.

Literally days before I found out I was pregnant with DS, we had dinner with SIL and her husband, who knew about all of the stuff that had been going on with us and the partial molar pregnancy and TTC. At the end of dinner, in the parking lot saying goodbye at our cars, SIL and her husband told us that they were pregnant with their second baby. (SIL had previously made some grandiose comment in front of their entire family about how they didn't plan on TTC for #2 until we got pregnant again.) I managed to put on a smile and congratulate them, and basically give her the attention she wanted. DH took a moment or two to get over the disappointment that someone else was pregnant and we weren't. Once he had that moment or two to get his emotions in check, he hugged them, told them how happy he was for them, blah blah blah.

We left the restaurant and DH was really upset. In the silence of our ride home, his cell phone rang. It was my MIL. She told him to put me on the phone. MIL started ranting at me that SIL was devastated by how her brother responded to the news of her pregnancy, and that SIL called her moments after leaving the restaurant, sobbing hysterically in the car because of how her brother (my DH) acted. I defended DH and told her that I didn't know what SIL was talking about..? and MIL continued: "You need to tell [DH] to call his sister! He has to make this right! [SIL] is crying hysterically, she is all upset, and she thinks that [DH] hates her! You have to make him call her! She can't be getting upset like this - she could lose this baby with all this stress she's under!"

I nearly hung up the fucking phone on her.

To this day, it is the one thing that I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive her for. Same applies to SIL and her drama queen antics.

nolagal79 · November 2013

MIL and FIL came to visit us for the first time and stayed with us for about a week. H and I have 3 dogs - two previously mine and one previously his and mine were/are just like my children. My oldest had seizures of unknown cause for about 2 years. During those two years I did tons of research and eliminated all known seizure triggers from her life and very strict rules on what she could eat/play with. When MIL and FIL got here, FIL asked about what rules the dogs had bc he knew I had special rules for the one with seizures. They both listened and agreed to follow those rules. Several things happened during their stay:
1. On day 2 of the stay, I came home from work and MIL had rearranged my utility room because it "didn't make sense" before.
2. Same day 2, I noticed MIL giving my dog things to eat which I quickly corrected her and made her stop.
3. Same thing happened on day 3 - again I saw her giving the dog things to eat and encouraging her, the dog, eat sticks in the backyard after playing with them. Mind you, MIL had to break the sticks off the trees bc I picked them up everyday to avoid the dog eating them.
4. Day four - we go to dinner with my family and return to find my dog had already had multiple seizures and was in the middle of a cluster of the worst seizures ever. I was on the phone with the emergency vet after giving the dog special meds to try to stop the seizures to tell them we were coming. By the time H and I left with her she was static and I knew I was going to have to put her to sleep. Sure enough, I ended up putting her to sleep that night bc the seizures were so bad and did too much damage to her lungs and brain to try and save her. She had been through enough.

Long story short, I blame MIL for causing the seizures that night and doubt I'll ever be able to be nice to her again. October 22 marked one year since it happened and I haven't seen MIL since. They live about 10 hours away and H has told them they will be staying in a hotel if they come down when the baby is born.

citybeach · November 2013

I don't have any horror stories, but I'm so sorry you all have to deal with these issues. Some are just plain hurtful and mean-spirited.

I wonder what it is about the MIL relationship.. Loss of power, or unreasonable expectations perhaps?

I'm sure we'll all be wonderful MILs in the future

OSUWifey09 · November 2013

I have no real relationship with my MIL. She makes promises she doesn't keep, got re-married and didn't tell H [she didn't come clean for a year about it - she moved to a different state while H was in college], didn't come to our wedding because the date we chose was an inconvenience for her [but sent SIL, who acted like a bitch the whole time], and told H to divorce me because I'm apparently crazy. She claims she's coming out for baby's birth, but I seriously doubt it. Just another promise she won't keep.

AnnikaD20 · November 2013

I don't exactly get along with my MIL, but reading all of these stories makes me never want to complain about her again.

susieandmarty · November 2013

peanutmuse said:

monkeybutt61612 said:

1) Got my husband a father's day card and signed it from my son

I find little things like this to be very creepy and weird. I just wonder what was going on through her mind when she did that.

My mother in law does things like this and it irritates the hell out of me. It oversteps horribly.

When I was pregnant with dd1 she constantly called my daughter our baby. I turned to her and said, that's funny I don't recall you being there for the conception. It shut her up

peanutmuse · November 2013

@brideandbreve

W.T.F.

That's all.

MamaP19 · November 2013

You poor ladies

I'm lucky to have a really wonderful MIL, SFIL, SSIL, and SBIL. However, my ex-MIL is a totally different story. She was a nightmare. When my ex and I separated, there was a period of time where I was considering whether or not I really wanted out. Thinking of putting up with his mom forever and having her be the grandmother to my children certainly helped make my decision to leave easier.

Few stories about ex-MIL:

- The first night I went to dinner at ex's house to meet his parents his mother immediately says to ex, "Whatever happened to C? She was such a nice girl. I always thought you'd marry her..."

- We got engaged but waited to tell his family until we could see them in person. Unfortunately the next time we saw them was at ex-MIL's surprise birthday party that she planned for herself. I can't even... Anyway, we pulled her aside to tell her in private because we didn't want to take away from her night by announcing it to everyone. She was furious and told my ex she couldn't believe he would make that kind of decision without her approval. She then gave us the silent treatment for a few weeks because she thought we tried to upstage her.

- She crashed our honeymoon by planning a "family vacation" to the exact same place during the same dates we were going. My ex had no backbone, so he let her. She made an agenda for everyday of the trip and expected us to participate in her plans. One of the days I told her no, that ex and I were going to do our own thing. She started sobbing saying that nobody loved her and again, gave us the silent treatment.

So glad to be away from all of that nonsense!

eta: grammar fix

SweetPeaKate · November 2013

I don't have any specific stories except to say that DH is one of five boys. MIL plays favorites and it is usually all directed at one of the sons/wives...the youngest of the bunch-they can do no wrong in her eyes and they are all deserving of every great and wonderful thing that falls into their laps.

2 of the other SILs and myself at least have each other to vent to and share complaints. Basically if you aren't doing what MIL thinks is the best way or she doesn't understand what you are doing or why, you constantly get reminded of how the "other brothers" did it or how "she did it with her boys". I used to say I really enjoy being a part of her family...now I feel like I tolerate her and do whatever is easiest to get by.

casholmes · November 2013

DH lived with his mother before we got married, while he was still going to school. He went to school full-time and worked full-time as well. When he got paid, she was always waiting in the parking lot at work to take most of his paycheck. And he let her b/c he felt that he 'had to'. She used to take out cash advances and loans until she couldn't pay up so they stopped lending to her. So she had him take out the loans and stuff in his name, and then took the money. She told him it was the only way to keep the family afloat. She doesn't work, but she gets a disability check and child support every month, and they get cheap rent from HUD. DH and I are still paying off a couple of the loans, even though he didn't get the money from them to start with.

Now she's always talking about how he needs to redo his loans b/c we can't make it. And, just as if she'd jinxed us, we ended up having to. I hope she never finds out.

She also does lots of little controlling things, like telling us where to put things when we moved, or telling me how to handle giving birth (she wants to be there). And just lots of little annoying things.

megs12914 · November 2013

These stories are pretty awful and make me realize I'm not alone.
@benjaminsmommy16-- My FIL did the same budget chart thing that yours did which is ironic because they are flat broke so thanks but no thanks.

My MIL also calls this baby "our baby." Please God do not let this baby be anything like her!

My SIL is a bad heroin addict who sold some of our wedding presents that were at my IL's for drug money. She has stolen medicine from me after my spinal fusion while I was in the shower. I was trying to include my MIL in our wedding plans even though she could have cared less and drove 3 hours so we could pick them out in her home town. That is when SIL tried to steal my pills and when I told MIL she said I should have locked them in my car if I was that concerned.

My DH is a chef and his sister was waiting tables at the restaurant he worked at. He found needles and spoons in her bag and showed my MIL and she actually told him to put them back where they found it and not mention it to anyone.

My IL's are now raising her baby that got taken away because of her drug problem. When her baby's dad died I stayed with them after the funeral because I felt bad for her and she just spent the whole time shooting up. There is so much more on this subject but the main problem is that my IL's idolize my SIL but don't even try to be there for my DH when he needs them.

Winnieella · November 2013

I don't have specific examples but my ILs didn't want H and I to be together because I'm Catholic. Then when they found out that I am Italian it was like all hello broke loose because H cannot be dating an Italian. (Some of his family didn't come to our wedding because we had in their words " them black guests, them gays, and all those Italian gypsies" H doesn't talk to them.

Also MIL would take money from H all the time. When he said no she would not call for many months. Right now she is still mad about whatH said to her this summer. She also is upset because H told her she is not allowed to move in with us since we have no space, and he doesn't want her to live with us. She changed hee number, we haven't heard from her in over two months and H likes it that way.

If I shares what she did to him in his childhood...I think all of you ladies would want to throat punch her.

KatelynEA90 · November 2013

My MIL tried to bribe me into not having children until we were over 30.

She cried at the end of the baby shower she hosted at her house because now her son 'can't leave me'.

Initially, they refused to come to our wedding. They were 'busy' unless we changed it to the date they wanted.

A few weeks ago she yelled at me and argued with me because I was giving my child dinner. After that, she decided I'm a raging alcoholic that needs to stop drinking while pregnant. (She's never seen me drink and I don't drink while pregnant.)

tesskerr · November 2013

brideandbreve said:
My MIL's not that bad. I do love her, but this one incident was really hurtful.

Two months after we got married, I got pregnant. It ended up being a partial molar pregnancy, I had tons of complications, needed 7 rounds of chemo, and it took forever for my HCG to go back to zero, and it took a year before we could be cleared to TTC again. When we got cleared, we tried for 6 cycles with no luck and got discouraged, so we decided to stop trying and take a break from it all.

Literally days before I found out I was pregnant with DS, we had dinner with SIL and her husband, who knew about all of the stuff that had been going on with us and the partial molar pregnancy and TTC. At the end of dinner, in the parking lot saying goodbye at our cars, SIL and her husband told us that they were pregnant with their second baby. (SIL had previously made some grandiose comment in front of their entire family about how they didn't plan on TTC for #2 until we got pregnant again.) I managed to put on a smile and congratulate them, and basically give her the attention she wanted. DH took a moment or two to get over the disappointment that someone else was pregnant and we weren't. Once he had that moment or two to get his emotions in check, he hugged them, told them how happy he was for them, blah blah blah.

We left the restaurant and DH was really upset. In the silence of our ride home, his cell phone rang. It was my MIL. She told him to put me on the phone. MIL started ranting at me that SIL was devastated by how her brother responded to the news of her pregnancy, and that SIL called her moments after leaving the restaurant, sobbing hysterically in the car because of how her brother (my DH) acted. I defended DH and told her that I didn't know what SIL was talking about..? and MIL continued: "You need to tell [DH] to call his sister! He has to make this right! [SIL] is crying hysterically, she is all upset, and she thinks that [DH] hates her! You have to make him call her! She can't be getting upset like this - she could lose this baby with all this stress she's under!"

I nearly hung up the fucking phone on her.

To this day, it is the one thing that I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive her for. Same applies to SIL and her drama queen

antics.

I have never met anyone who has had a molar as well! I had a complete mole, 9 months of chemo, and was supposed to wait 5 years before ttc, but made it to 4! I was so so nervous because there is a 1 in 80 chance of it happening again, but yay for us these are actually babies and not our stupid bodies!

megs12914 · November 2013

@mckeefisher

I would blame her, too. I don't know if I could forgive her for that. My dogs are my children as well and I feel terrible she did this!

PS I have pregnancy insomnia so I'm re-reading some of these. Most all of them I read with my mouth wide open!

notthecheat · November 2013

My ILs are pretty cool most of the time, but there are a few little things that really get to me...

When DH and I were dating I had a really bad episode of extreme fatigue that lasted years because doctors couldn't figure out what was causing it or how to treat it. Most doctors didn't take me seriously and thought I was exaggerating or crazy. In the meantime , I totalled 2 cars in 2 years from falling asleep at the wheel. I didn't know what to do because I had to work in order to survive, and I didn't have another way of getting there. I was lonely, exhausted, stressed and depressed 24/7. After DH and I were engaged, DH told MIL about the cars, and she laughed and made a joke about getting me "one of those helmets" that buzzes when the wearer falls asleep.

MIL also keeps asking me what the sex of the baby is, and every time I tell her I don't know. She refuses to believe me and thinks I know and have been telling everyone but her.

FIL is a deadbeat who doesn't work, and honestly, we have no idea what he does all day. He doesn't clean the house or volunteer or anything. He is also a cranky closedminded pessimist, so whenever we tell him anything, he tells us everything that's wrong with it. He picks arguments all the time, especially with MIL, over nothing.

DH has told me stories of how they spoil his sister but treated him like crap growing up. They thought DH was gay for a little while and FIL tried to "talk him out of it" because he didnt want to have a gay son.

Other than that my ILs are nice to me (at least to my face), and I really can't complain, especially after these other horror stories.

caraconner · November 2013

Sweet Jeebus these women all sound totally nuts!!

I don't have anything good to throw in yet, except that my MIL has a real hang up about everything being starched and pressed. She thinks even newborns in onesies should be this way. I chuckled and said we're more of a "toss it in the dryer real quick" household. She scowled & said "don't bring any wrinkled-clothing kids over here!"
Ummmmm what?

Rushley · November 2013

So many stories, too little time. Here are the top 3!

MIL didn't want to hold her granddaughter but insisted she show me how to BF because I was doing it wrong. She continued to tell me how I was going to be a bad mother.

When DH and I told MIL and FIL we got engaged his dad said "well it's about time, you two really disappointed a lot of people by having a baby first."

During MIL's speech at our wedding she began to cry and we thought she was happy to finally welcome me to the family. HOWEVER, she wanted to let everyone know how proud she was that her daughter got into medical school. DH and I looked at each other and were like are you fucking kidding me! The photographer got some great shots of people's reactions.

dltate29 · November 2013

My MIL on the outside surface seems like such a sweet lady and everyone has this impression of how great she is... then you actually get to know her. ha!

Besides being completely unprepared for my shower, late, almost blew up the church by running a gas oven without lighting it, my MIL had very few tasks: the venue and cake. She dropped the ball on the venue (I ended up finding a great place, free of charge, etc.). She did do a decent job on the cake so I will give her credit for that. My sister was the main person in charge of planning and was doing this out of state. She asked my MIL to pick up items from Party City, which my MIL happily did so. After the shower my sister was being polite and mentioned to pay my MIL for some items that were picked up (mind you my Sister already spent hundreds on invites, decor, etc.) My MIL insisted they square up on the bill but didn't have the receipt on her (mind you my MIL is very well off and picking up a few plates and cups and table cloths should not have broke her bank). She usually doesn't even allow us to pay for dinners so this suprised me. No big deal though as my sister did not mind paying, but nothing happened because my MIL didn't follow up. Then about a month later my sister gets a card in the mail and inside was the receipt and a note that said, here is the copy of the receipt you asked for (nothing else!). Then my sister gets a nasty email from my MIL attacking her about the bill, etc. My sister was just in awe and basically it escalated to the point where my DH told her to stop emailing my sister and harassing her about the receipt. My MIL then turned herself into the victim and threw herself a pity party and kept adding more digs at my sister, my mother, and even myself. All over a stupid receipt that my sister had no issue paying but MIL went into attack mode before my sister ever had a chance to pay up or communicate with MIL.

Needless to say I am embarassed to call her family and I feel terrbile that my sister wants nothing to do with her ever again. So much for big family parties...thanks MIL.

daltosostarby · November 2013

Winnieella said:
I don't have specific examples but my ILs didn't want H and I to be together because I'm Catholic. Then when they found out that I am Italian it was like all hello broke loose because H cannot be dating an Italian. (Some of his family didn't come to our wedding because we had in their words " them black guests, them gays, and all those Italian gypsies" H doesn't talk to them.

This was the opposite for me. My DHs family is ALL Italian Catholics, and they didn't want me marrying him because I'm not. I was called the devil temptress, that I was trying to "steal him away" from the family. It was mostly from GMIL & GFIL though. When we told them we were engaged they just looked at us, and then said "don't ask us for money." We were just stunned. Never had we asked them for anything.
They have since warmed up to me, but it took them awhile. They still say "just know we pray for you that you two don't have to spend much time in purgatory, or go to hell."

vstevens · November 2013

I'm late to this party, but I have to chime in. MIL was like a dream until we had kids, and now I can barely stand to be around her. Just a few examples of her amazingness:

- LO was 1 week old, and still very sleepy. MIL was sitting on the couch holding him, and I walked into the other room. I suddenly heard her raise her voice, and rushed back in: she was literally yelling in DS1's face "Wake up baby, let me see your blue eyes!" I calmly walked over and took him out of her arms, and she could not understand what I was so upset about. (Even recounting this again 2+ years later makes me go WTF?).

- We were at the park with her and FIL. DS1 (then 18 months) tripped and fell, and she ran over and scooped him up. DS1 was screaming and reaching for me with a bloody lip, and she refused to give him to me, rocking him and saying "It's okay my little one" (seriously, hand that rocks the cradle styles). I just about went bezerk, and DH ended up pulling him away from her to get him to me.

- Every time we go to their house, she must say 100 times "What is your Mommy thinking?" (in full earshot) as she wipes DS1's nose, pulls up his pants (I swear she thinks any pants longer than calf-length are a tripping hazard), takes away something that she has deemed too dangerous to play with (i.e. the colander?!?!) etc.

Thankfully, as DS1 gets older she seems to be getting a little more normal, but I'm scared for having another NB / young baby around her.

MamaP19 · November 2013

megs12914 said:

These stories are pretty awful and make me realize I'm not alone. @benjaminsmommy16-- My FIL did the same budget chart thing that yours did which is ironic because they are flat broke so thanks but no thanks. My MIL also calls this baby "our baby." Please God do not let this baby be anything like her! My SIL is a bad heroin addict who sold some of our wedding presents that were at my IL's for drug money. She has stolen medicine from me after my spinal fusion while I was in the shower. I was trying to include my MIL in our wedding plans even though she could have cared less and drove 3 hours so we could pick them out in her home town. That is when SIL tried to steal my pills and when I told MIL she said I should have locked them in my car if I was that concerned. My DH is a chef and his sister was waiting tables at the restaurant he worked at. He found needles and spoons in her bag and showed my MIL and she actually told him to put them back where they found it and not mention it to anyone. My IL's are now raising her baby that got taken away because of her drug problem. When her baby's dad died I stayed with them after the funeral because I felt bad for her and she just spent the whole time shooting up. There is so much more on this subject but the main problem is that my IL's idolize my SIL but don't even try to be there for my DH when he needs them.

@megs12914 - UGH! Enabling is how people end up ODing... They might idolize her but if they cared they would find a way to get her some help!

@jessicabcairns - How the F do you even pronounce Hayileyigh??

jgraham80 · November 2013

Wow, just wow to ALL of these stories! I'm so sorry ladies. Every time I read a MIL thread I seriously thank my MIL for not being crazy.

Now I'm praying it's not going to be a story like @vstevens ...Here's hoping she stays normal after the baby comes!

megs12914 · November 2013

@megs12914 - UGH! Enabling is how people end up ODing... They might idolize her but if they cared they would find a way to get her some help!

@MamaP19 - Oh the conversations we have had about this! Well, not me with her, but me with DH. They have alienated all family because they will not recognize the problem. My MIL's sister and brother have nothing to do with them and will not attend MY baby shower because SIL will be there. If I don't invite her (I don't want to) there will be hell to pay.

The thing is if they just tried to get her help everyone would be there. Some of her friends have OD'd and no matter how awful she is I don't want that to be her. When SIL had her daughter, MIL actually said, "Thank God for Grace because she saved SIL from heroin." Umm, no that is not what happened as they later found out when the baby was taken from her.

My father was an alcoholic who passed away 2 years ago from all the damage he had done to his body. I keep getting upset because IL's don't understand how tough it is to lose someone to something that could be avoided.

My IL's are well aware that she goes to the ER drug seeking but they won't admit it. The enabling has to stop because it will crush them when she dies from this. I could go on and on about this. DH and I have tried to discuss it with them but they don't want to hear it. I think DH is tired of me badgering him about it but she has a daughter that needs her.

@jessicabcairns - Ahnn. I'm dying that is so funny!

It's funny that when reading these stories I want to click the "Love it" button to acknowledge that they are dealing with an awful MIL but it doesn't seem appropriate. They should have a "No fucking way!" button.

Winnieella · November 2013

daltoso said:

I don't have specific examples but my ILs didn't want H and I to be together because I'm Catholic. Then when they found out that I am Italian it was like all hello broke loose because H cannot be dating an Italian. (Some of his family didn't come to our wedding because we had in their words " them black guests, them gays, and all those Italian gypsies" H doesn't talk to them.
This was the opposite for me. My DHs family is ALL Italian Catholics, and they didn't want me marrying him because I'm not. I was called the devil temptress, that I was trying to "steal him away" from the family. It was mostly from GMIL & GFIL though. When we told them we were engaged they just looked at us, and then said "don't ask us for money." We were just stunned. Never had we asked them for anything. They have since warmed up to me, but it took them awhile. They still say "just know we pray for you that you two don't have to spend much time in purgatory, or go to hell."

___________________________-
Wow.

mj0413 · November 2013

I REALLY hope that in a lot of these cases, DHs have stepped up and told their mom's to stop acting so insane. Seriously.

And I also want to ask if YOUR parents have a good or strained relationship with YH.

I have quite a few IL issues (nothing quite as dramatic as most stuff here), but my husband is considered by my mom and dad to be one of their own. He's like a brother to my younger siblings, too. They're all even close with MH's brothers. They all do birthday and going away parties, etc.

My SMIL/FIL can't even spell my name and I'm lucky to get a card from MIL or any IL.

I just think it's weird that most women I know have a very difficult relationship with their ILs but their husbands are perfectly well received in their own families.

The feminist in me thinks it has something to do with society's preference of men to women, but maybe I'm just being dramatic.

megs12914 · November 2013

@mj0413-- my family have really taken in my DH as their own. My mom is the mom he doesn't have and my DH would much rather spend time with my family then his own.

It does make me feel bad though that he doesn't get the same from his own mom.

casholmes · November 2013

mj0413 said:

I REALLY hope that in a lot of these cases, DHs have stepped up and told their mom's to stop acting so insane. Seriously.

And I also want to ask if YOUR parents have a good or strained relationship with YH.

I have quite a few IL issues (nothing quite as dramatic as most stuff here), but my husband is considered by my mom and dad to be one of their own. He's like a brother to my younger siblings, too. They're all even close with MH's brothers. They all do birthday and going away parties, etc.

My SMIL/FIL can't even spell my name and I'm lucky to get a card from MIL or any IL.

I just think it's weird that most women I know have a very difficult relationship with their ILs but their husbands are perfectly well received in their own families.

The feminist in me thinks it has something to do with society's preference of men to women, but maybe I'm just being dramatic.

My dad still hasn't gotten over that DH didn't ask his permission to marry me (yeah, I know). But my grandparents have really been more like parents to me the past few years, and they've taken DH in just like they did me. My grandfather especially loves him.

But yeah, I kind of agree with your inner feminist too.

jldubb0626 · November 2013

I'm just thankful mine lives over 500 miles away.

RedSaffron · November 2013

I'm thankful for having a nice and caring MIL, but our language barrier makes it difficult and we miscommunicate time to time. English is her second language so she doesn't understand what I am saying at times. I told her since the baby is gonna be wearing second hand clothes often, me and SO are gonna buy her her going home outfit from the hospital..she was telling DON'T buy anything and there is no need to buy clothes... Idk..

Rebis58 · November 2013

MamaP19 said:

megs12914 said:

These stories are pretty awful and make me realize I'm not alone. @benjaminsmommy16-- My FIL did the same budget chart thing that yours did which is ironic because they are flat broke so thanks but no thanks. My MIL also calls this baby "our baby." Please God do not let this baby be anything like her! My SIL is a bad heroin addict who sold some of our wedding presents that were at my IL's for drug money. She has stolen medicine from me after my spinal fusion while I was in the shower. I was trying to include my MIL in our wedding plans even though she could have cared less and drove 3 hours so we could pick them out in her home town. That is when SIL tried to steal my pills and when I told MIL she said I should have locked them in my car if I was that concerned. My DH is a chef and his sister was waiting tables at the restaurant he worked at. He found needles and spoons in her bag and showed my MIL and she actually told him to put them back where they found it and not mention it to anyone. My IL's are now raising her baby that got taken away because of her drug problem. When her baby's dad died I stayed with them after the funeral because I felt bad for her and she just spent the whole time shooting up. There is so much more on this subject but the main problem is that my IL's idolize my SIL but don't even try to be there for my DH when he needs them.

@megs12914 - UGH! Enabling is how people end up ODing... They might idolize her but if they cared they would find a way to get her some help!

@jessicabcairns - How the F do you even pronounce Hayileyigh??

That's what I was thinking... is it supposed to be Hailey?

ETA: Should have read one post down

KatelynEA90 · November 2013

@mj0413
DH gets along well with my family. He doesn't get along well with his own though. His family is BSC alcoholics, none of them get along.

waterlily2k2 · November 2013

While I don't have horror stories quite like the ones here, I don't get along well with my MIL anymore. She admitted to both me and my mom that she constantly bitches at DH (which we knew) and that she thinks it's acceptable. She also does/did EVERYTHING for DH so there are a lot of things he doesn't know how to do (basic things that every adult should know how to do).

Her last visit was the last straw between us. Long story short, SFIL likes very much to be a side seat driver, and my MIL had had it. All of us were in the same car (DS was just turning 2 and I was about 3 mo pg) and she started to yell and bitch at SFIL. I asked very nicely if we could all just settle down because I didn't want the stress and I didn't want DS hearing that nonsense. The yelling and bitching continued, so I asked again a little more sternly but still nicely to settle down. Her reply was "I don't really feel like it right now!" really nastily. That along with everything else (I could write a book of all the little things), that did it for our relationship. Before that had even happened, she never even congratulated us on this pregnancy or anything. She asked me once how I was feeling, and that's all I've heard.

LimeDrops · November 2013

My MIL really is sweet. We had some tense moments planning the wedding (ILs were paying and have a different religious/cultural background than my family so that's not surprising). But really, my own mother is a horrible MIL to my H and my SIL. She is super judgey and constantly insulting my H and then acting like it's no big deal. He has adult ADD which is a big struggle for him and she will say things to him like "Well we all know you're not the smartest guy around"... To his face... And then laugh. Or she will make comments to me like "You don't have to worry, whenever you decide this marriage isn't working I will take care of you and the kids, you're not stuck with him"... Meanwhile our marriage is rock solid and it's like where the F did that come from? She is crazy. Poor H.

scrhodes84 · November 2013

I've never met my MIL. Knowing DH hasn't had contact with her in nearly 10 years by choice, that's probably not a bad thing.

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