June 2014 Moms
anc5
member
STMs, question about family and holidays.
anc5
member
We had our son in March of this year and I'm now about 8 weeks along with #2. Anyway, DH and I had talked about how we wanted to do the holidays now that we have started our family. We both agreed that it would be best if we had thanksgiving and Christmas day dinner at our home. Instead of driving from his family to mine while loading and unloading DS's paraphernalia all over the place. Well DH told his family what we decided to do and now they are all complaining about how it's a bad idea. I see it as we are the ones with a baby soon to be two and if they want to see them they can come to us. Everyone else either has teenagers or no children at all. So DH and I are now having a huge fight because his family got in his head. Am I really that crazy for wanting to have the holidays at our home?
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Re: STMs, question about family and holidays.
Kinda funny because my oldest is 20 he always comes here I don't go to his house as often. Oh my I'm getting old and set in my ways too. Lol
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
when i was growing up, we had some cousins who lived near us and we saw them on christmas eve at the big family gathering with our moms' side, and then on actual xmas they were with their dad's side as they lived in a compound type arrangement. and my grandparents (mom's parents) only went to our house because they were not welcomed at my cousin's home (my aunt split with their dad).
my dad's brothers never had kids so they always came over for holidays.
BUT when we were very little before my aunt split with my cousins' father, they would also come to our house for holiday dinners on xmas because my mom is the entertainer of the family, and we had a bigger house.
It sounds like you might need to compromise. Maybe do Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with your in-laws and do Christmas dinner at your home? Personally, I don't think that having a child means that everyone should change what they normally do just for you, but it does really depend on distance, tradition, etc. If they are not too far away I would probably suck it up and go over for a few hours.
If we are at home around the holidays we go to Thanksgiving and Christmas at H's grandmother's house. This is what his side of the family has been doing for years, so even though we are the only one with a child we still pack everything up and go over to his grandmother's. She does not have too many holidays left and I would never dream of telling his whole family to change it up and come spend the holiday at our home...even if I would love to host and it would be easier for us. We did start a tradition of having the family over and cooking Christmas Eve dinner. So we got to start a tradition too. It is hard to please everyone, but I think your husband should be happy with the decision you make too.
Now this part is new and I should have just up it in the original post. I'm fine with house hoping for thanksgiving but if that is the case then we will have dinner with my family and appetizers with his.His family doesn't like that idea either even thou we did the opposite last year. Which makes me made because my family is important too.
Married 6/28/08, TTC 7/10, BFP 11/30/11! Charlotte Rose born on 8/4/12! TFAS 8/13, BFP 10/14/13! Lori Anne Catherine born on 6/13/14!
Thanksgiving is a mess, we manage to have dinner with both sides that weekend, but also have to fit them around my work schedule.
I love seeing family on the holidays, and think its worth the hassle.
We live down the street from my parents, and a few hours from dh's family.
We would normally switch off Thanksgiving, spend Christmas Eve with my family, then drive to see DH's family early Christmas morning andstay for the day.
Last year, it sucked so bad WITHOUT any kids, that I said we had to change something. Getting up and out of our own house at 7 in Christmas morning sucked so bad, I knew I couldn't do it when we had kids.
Thankfully I think DH's mom realized it without us saying anything and said from now on she's doing a party/gathering the Sunday before xmas. Works perfectly. As a compromise, we'll go spend Thanksgiving there. And if course, she'll always be welcome to come spend actual Christmas Day at our house if her other kids aren't around.
My mom hosts ALL holidays as she has slowly taken them over from other family members over the years. Family is used to having holidays at her house because it's easy for them and her house is huge and has a lot of fun things to do (theater room, ping pong, pool, etc).
This year I'm hosting Christmas only because she's given it to me since her kitchen is being remodeled. Hubby and I have been vocal though that once the babies come we will be doing things differently. This freaked out my mom/grandma, who explained that since there are going to be grandchildren now they want to host everything at their house. Well, that's not happening. I in no way mean that I will not spend time without my family, but instead of rushing over to her house first thing Christmas morning we'll spend Christmas morning at our house and go over there for dinner in the afternoon. No big, drastic changes or anything just focusing on being able to spend some alone time with out own little family.
I already knew my family is really territorial when it comes to holidays, but holy crap, the prospect of babies make them even more so!
My in-laws are a different story since they live out of state. Hubby has told them that until the twins are bigger we're going to be having holidays close to home, but they're welcome to come down and celebrate with us.
I saw do whatever you want and feel comfortable doing. If you want to host, then go ahead and host. You may have to keep in mind that your family may not take to the change well and may not come. If you're okay with that then it's not a problem. If you still want to have time with family, you can compromise and spend some time alone with your family and some time with the extended family.
Thanksgiving we're probably going to split up and go to our respective families. Next year, we'll figure something out.
As for Christmas, he and I have in our heads that we would like to start and have certain traditions. Like our kids (he calls my son his) waking up at home on Christmas morning and experiencing Santa. So Christmas Eve we go to his grandmothers for the big extended family feast/celebration and Christmas morning we're at home. His sister through a stink about it because she thinks we should still come to her because she has 4 kids.
Granted we are going over there after our little family thing, just not at 6 am when her kids wake up.
I think offering to host the holidays is a fair trade off. However, if other people in your family have children, then maybe it should be rotated? As a child, I always hated having to drive for over 2 hours to see one set of grandparents, then another 2-3 hours for another set then go home. I wish Christmas would have rotated.
As far as other holidays we spend Memorial Day with his family and Independance day with my family. It works for us and after three years it's still good!
My parents have had 7 grandchildren in the last 3 years lol so they are practically dying for everyone to fly
Home to be together so everyone can play. Lol