Out of hibernation

chucktgirl · November 2013

ACK! Social gaff... I totally forgot to reintroduce myself. My siggy pretty much explains it all. After our fourth IVF failure, we thought we were done trying. It was hard. I did not deal well with it. After a rough Summer, we decided to change clinics (again) and give it one last shot. I know it's such a longshot for an old dog like me, but my hope still glimmers! I see a few familiar names still on this board (wish there were fewer, if you know what I mean.) It is still somehow comforting that I'm not alone. This has always been my favorite board, and I expect it probably will continue to be. Maybe there are some advantages to maturity!

BeckyP005 · November 2013

Hi chucktgirl! I saw that you were back trying one last time from lurking. I'm so sorry for what you have been through and I'm thinking positive thoughts for you on this cycle!!

Good luck and really hoping this clinic can work its magic!

ashellypnut · November 2013

WOW, my goodness you've been through a lot. (((hugs))) and GL on this journey. xoxo

HeathernSteven · November 2013

Oh @Chucktgirl, I am sorry and happy to see you back (you know what I mean) I hope this is the one for you!!!

ksgsmu · November 2013

welcome and good luck!

jchickiem · November 2013

Welcome back and good luck on this next leg of your journey!

Mrs.McIrish · November 2013

I still laugh that we both came out of retirement at the same time!!!

dajhughes · November 2013

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

Mrs.McIrish · November 2013

dajhughes said:

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

DE is donor eggs.

dajhughes · November 2013

@Mrs.McIrish - thank you, that makes sense! Doh

chucktgirl · November 2013

Mrs.McIrish said:

I still laugh that we both came out of retirement at the same time!!!

I know! We "retired" around the same time and returned the same time. I guess that must be the average length of time frustration can exist before it boils over!

chucktgirl · November 2013

dajhughes said:

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

Hi dajhughes, we have made the decision that if I'm going to carry a child, we want that child to have both our DNA. Hence, no DE. As for adoption, that is just not something we're interested in. I understand and respect that many women would do anything for any baby. We do not share that compelling urge. We have searched our hearts deeply to come to this decision. It's not fair to a adopt a child if we might someday ever think we wished s/he had our DNA. I won't apologize for our decision. We're confident in our choice. If we feel a change down the road, we will revisit it, however, with my age at 42, we have also decided to limit how long we allow ourselves to bring a child into our lives, out of fairness to the child. I don't mind answering personal questions when they are asked honestly and without judgement, as you seem to have asked. But I do always wonder the motivation behind someone else questioning such a deeply personal choice. Why did you ask?

dajhughes · November 2013

chucktgirl said:

dajhughes said:

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

Hi dajhughes, we have made the decision that if I'm going to carry a child, we want that child to have both our DNA. Hence, no DE. As for adoption, that is just not something we're interested in. I understand and respect that many women would do anything for any baby. We do not share that compelling urge. We have searched our hearts deeply to come to this decision. It's not fair to a adopt a child if we might someday ever think we wished s/he had our DNA. I won't apologize for our decision. We're confident in our choice. If we feel a change down the road, we will revisit it, however, with my age at 42, we have also decided to limit how long we allow ourselves to bring a child into our lives, out of fairness to the child. I don't mind answering personal questions when they are asked honestly and without judgement, as you seem to have asked. But I do always wonder the motivation behind someone else questioning such a deeply personal choice. Why did you ask?

Thanks for your response! I certainly understand everyone's in different situations and that choices are very personal. I also appreciate that you responded kindly as I truly meant no offense. I love a good dialogue!

I asked because I am an adoptive mother, my brother and sister are adopted as well and a good friend of mine is a birth mother. I find the varying sides of the issue fascinating and I love to hear people's stories and opinions. I thank you for sharing your thinking with me - and you were right, no judgement on those opinions or stories, just pure curiosity. I guess what peaked my interest is that you put it in your signature which I interpreted to mean a few things: 1) You must feel very strongly to capitalize the FIRM and to include it in your signature, and 2) You may be open to questions since you put it in your public forum signature.

Thanks again, and as I said before, FX for you. I can't even imagine how difficult that many rounds of IVF must be. I am inspired by your strength to carry on - it could not have been an easy decision to come out of "hibernation." Wishing you the very best, and I look forward to getting to know you.

chucktgirl · November 2013

dajhughes said:

chucktgirl said:

dajhughes said:

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

Hi dajhughes, we have made the decision that if I'm going to carry a child, we want that child to have both our DNA. Hence, no DE. As for adoption, that is just not something we're interested in. I understand and respect that many women would do anything for any baby. We do not share that compelling urge. We have searched our hearts deeply to come to this decision. It's not fair to a adopt a child if we might someday ever think we wished s/he had our DNA. I won't apologize for our decision. We're confident in our choice. If we feel a change down the road, we will revisit it, however, with my age at 42, we have also decided to limit how long we allow ourselves to bring a child into our lives, out of fairness to the child. I don't mind answering personal questions when they are asked honestly and without judgement, as you seem to have asked. But I do always wonder the motivation behind someone else questioning such a deeply personal choice. Why did you ask?

Thanks for your response! I certainly understand everyone's in different situations and that choices are very personal. I also appreciate that you responded kindly as I truly meant no offense. I love a good dialogue!

I asked because I am an adoptive mother, my brother and sister are adopted as well and a good friend of mine is a birth mother. I find the varying sides of the issue fascinating and I love to hear people's stories and opinions. I thank you for sharing your thinking with me - and you were right, no judgement on those opinions or stories, just pure curiosity. I guess what peaked my interest is that you put it in your signature which I interpreted to mean a few things: 1) You must feel very strongly to capitalize the FIRM and to include it in your signature, and 2) You may be open to questions since you put it in your public forum signature.

Thanks again, and as I said before, FX for you. I can't even imagine how difficult that many rounds of IVF must be. I am inspired by your strength to carry on - it could not have been an easy decision to come out of "hibernation." Wishing you the very best, and I look forward to getting to know you.

Ha! This made me chuckle, as I actually am normally a "never say never" kind of gal, so I will explain my stressing "FIRM". I only stressed it because without fail, I get many women on here who, without provocation or invitation, unfathomably try to talk me into adoption or DE. I just don't get it. It's not something up for debate, outside of between myself and DH. Yet, there are always some women who think they know what family path is best for us. (SMH) Sorry it comes off as such a strong statement. Maybe I will reconsider un-capitalizing. You make a good point. It probably won't deter anyone anyways.

Edited to add: Also, some of these women act like it's so easy to just give up my struggle to get PG with my OE, and simply use DE, like you can just pick them up in your grocer's freezer aisle. Or act like adoption is as simple as going down to your nearest adoption agency and returning home with your shiny new baby. Both of these processes have enormous trials and obstacles as well. Anyway, it's just frustrating.

chucktgirl · November 2013

SuburbsMrs said:

chucktgirl,
Well I see from your siggy you're coming out to Colorado at some point...... welcome when you do :-)

I've been dropping in and out of the boards when I'm up to it. I don't do public siggys (personal choice) but I'll be following what you think of CCRM. Right now I'm using a different (local) RE but having CCRM in my backyard is a good plan B thought.

Thanks for the thought on adoption too. My H is pretty adamant right now (initial conversations) that he is a no on the possibility, and I can't say I understand his perspective yet. Honestly what you said runs true to what he expressed (with more words and better stated). He's a one step at a time... I'm a plan every contingency at once. It makes for fun conversations :-)

Good luck with everything. FX to you.

Thanks! I also am a planner, so I get it. But one of the many things IF has taught me is that we BOTH changed our minds on things we previously were adamant about. Going through the IVF process can change your mind on lots of things. I definitely wouldn't disregard his feelings/choices, but know that they may change down the road, as might yours. IF sucks at following my plans! :P Good luck with your cycle!

dajhughes · November 2013

chucktgirl said:

dajhughes said:

chucktgirl said:

dajhughes said:

Welcome and FX for you.

Do you mind if I ask a question regarding your signature? And no offense is meant so I hope I don't offend. I'm just curious about your last line that says "No DE or adoption for us. FIRM."

First what does DE stand for? I haven't seen that abbreviation yet.

Also, do you mind sharing why you came to the conclusion against adoption? I know everyone is different and different things work for some and not others, I'm just wondering...

Hi dajhughes, we have made the decision that if I'm going to carry a child, we want that child to have both our DNA. Hence, no DE. As for adoption, that is just not something we're interested in. I understand and respect that many women would do anything for any baby. We do not share that compelling urge. We have searched our hearts deeply to come to this decision. It's not fair to a adopt a child if we might someday ever think we wished s/he had our DNA. I won't apologize for our decision. We're confident in our choice. If we feel a change down the road, we will revisit it, however, with my age at 42, we have also decided to limit how long we allow ourselves to bring a child into our lives, out of fairness to the child. I don't mind answering personal questions when they are asked honestly and without judgement, as you seem to have asked. But I do always wonder the motivation behind someone else questioning such a deeply personal choice. Why did you ask?

Thanks for your response! I certainly understand everyone's in different situations and that choices are very personal. I also appreciate that you responded kindly as I truly meant no offense. I love a good dialogue!

I asked because I am an adoptive mother, my brother and sister are adopted as well and a good friend of mine is a birth mother. I find the varying sides of the issue fascinating and I love to hear people's stories and opinions. I thank you for sharing your thinking with me - and you were right, no judgement on those opinions or stories, just pure curiosity. I guess what peaked my interest is that you put it in your signature which I interpreted to mean a few things: 1) You must feel very strongly to capitalize the FIRM and to include it in your signature, and 2) You may be open to questions since you put it in your public forum signature.

Thanks again, and as I said before, FX for you. I can't even imagine how difficult that many rounds of IVF must be. I am inspired by your strength to carry on - it could not have been an easy decision to come out of "hibernation." Wishing you the very best, and I look forward to getting to know you.

Ha! This made me chuckle, as I actually am normally a "never say never" kind of gal, so I will explain my stressing "FIRM". I only stressed it because without fail, I get many women on here who, without provocation or invitation, unfathomably try to talk me into adoption or DE. I just don't get it. It's not something up for debate, outside of between myself and DH. Yet, there are always some women who think they know what family path is best for us. (SMH) Sorry it comes off as such a strong statement. Maybe I will reconsider un-capitalizing. You make a good point. It probably won't deter anyone anyways.

Edited to add: Also, some of these women act like it's so easy to just give up my struggle to get PG with my OE, and simply use DE, like you can just pick them up in your grocer's freezer aisle. Or act like adoption is as simple as going down to your nearest adoption agency and returning home with your shiny new baby. Both of these processes have enormous trials and obstacles as well. Anyway, it's just frustrating.

Wow I hadn't thought about people on boards saying all the stupid things we hear IRL like "You can always adopt.." I always want to throat punch mothers who never had any trouble conceiving say "Oh you adopted you did it the easy way, you didn't have to go through labor..." The adoption process is one of the most difficult things I've ever been through in my life. And just because I've adopted and have an amazing DS - it doesn't make my longing to experience pregnancy and labor and all the things a woman's body is supposed to do, any less.

It sounds like you're on a good path for you. Are you doing another IVF cycle this month? I'm a newbie to IVF and IUI so I don't know all those letters mean in you siggy.

chucktgirl · November 2013

dajhughes said:

Wow I hadn't thought about people on boards saying all the stupid things we hear IRL like "You can always adopt.." I always want to throat punch mothers who never had any trouble conceiving say "Oh you adopted you did it the easy way, you didn't have to go through labor..." The adoption process is one of the most difficult things I've ever been through in my life. And just because I've adopted and have an amazing DS - it doesn't make my longing to experience pregnancy and labor and all the things a woman's body is supposed to do, any less.

It sounds like you're on a good path for you. Are you doing another IVF cycle this month? I'm a newbie to IVF and IUI so I don't know all those letters mean in you siggy.

Yes, people often make stupid comments. Most are said innocently, but it doesn't hurt or frustrate less, knowing that they are ignorant of our situations.
We are on our way to cycling a 5th time, but it won't be this month. I'm going through a boatload of tests right now through my third clinic to try to make this my best effort. I feel you on the abbreviations! They are crazy. It's like reading another language. Basically, my eggs are super old. It's hard to get a normal one. We're both healthy, and respond as expected for my age, but we have not yet had success with IVF. It's a rough road. I'm sorry for your m/c (miscarriage). It's a devastating loss. Good luck as you continue your efforts to conceive!

HeathernSteven · November 2013

Edited to add: Also, some of these women act like it's so easy to just give up my struggle to get PG with my OE, and simply use DE, like you can just pick them up in your grocer's freezer aisle. Or act like adoption is as simple as going down to your nearest adoption agency and returning home with your shiny new baby. Both of these processes have enormous trials and obstacles as well. Anyway, it's just frustrating

HA this made me laugh, DH and I also are no DE or adoption, because frankly we can't afford it. Each person I have shared my story says, "well did you consider DE, surrogacy, or adoption?" I am always tempted to add, "holy crap I never considered that THANK YOU!"

I personally wouldn't mind adoption, but it just isn't happening......

Good Luck ladies!

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