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Hard-headed 4 year olds

colteverettcolteverett member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
My son is going to be 4 in a couple days. He is the most stubborn, hard-headed little boy I have ever met! He talks back and then says,"ha ha!", he ignores me when I tell him to do something and does the opposite, I am so tired of repeating myself. I have been going to a Parenting Counselor to get help with Colt, but it just doesn't seem like enough. Whenever I put Colt in time-out, he just gets up and walks out. He won't even sit there for a second. I am so tired and over whelmed. I keep putting him back and he just keeps getting up. he's so heavy, it's straining my back to fight and hold him down so he will listen to me talk to him. Sometimes, I just want to give up because whatever I do or say isn't good enough and NOTHING gets through his head...NOTHING. I don't know what more to do! I will tell him not to do something and he asks, "why?" I say, "Because I said so!!!" There's nothing more to it...Because I said you need to not do that, so don't do it. It's kind of common sense...

We had some friends over today and he acted up like no other. Doing things he usually never does; jumping on the couch, climbing on the living room table, talking to his friend in a very loud voice (basically yelling at him). Showing off in front of people when they are over. If ANYONE has any advice, I will take it. Spankings don't work, he just keeps it up. I don't feel like I am in charge, I feel more like he's in charge and I just want to cry. Yelling, talking to him in a calm voice, spanking, time outs...nothing works. Taking away toys has been working but after I take a toy away, he will throw a huge fit and I am not sure what to do about that. It's like a vicious cycle; should I put him in timeout? Do I spank him or take away more toys for the tantrum he's having about his last toy. 

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Re: Hard-headed 4 year olds

  • kristalovesjaredkristalovesjared member
    I have the girl version. :) She will be 4 in January and some days (like today) I'm just ready for bedtime at 9am. We do 1 2 3 (3 is timeout) unless it's hitting or kicking and then it's immediately to her room. We put a baby proof handle on the inside of her door so she can't get out. If she is being really whiny or throwing a tantrum, I tell her she is free to do it if she'd like, but she has to go up to her room because we don't do that in the rest of the house. I also know it all relates to sleep (she fights that like no other too). Next week I won't be working nights anymore and we are going to start an entirely new bedtime routine in hopes that soon she'll start getting enough sleep each night. Parenting is tough... but know there is another Mom out there who is going through the same thing, and hopefully it's just a phase. :)
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  • dairygirl19dairygirl19 member

    4 year olds can be like that. :)

    The one thing I noticed from your post is that you should probably pick your battles to start. Pick the most important things to you  (no back talk? no hitting?) and roll from there. I mean, he's 4. They're all loud. They all want to show off.

    Then pick a consistent discipline routine. It sounds like you have about 4 different techniques going on at the moment. Which I know not every situation requires the same discipline, but pick one until he gets it and then move on. What does he hate the most to have taken away? You say the toy thing works but then he tantrums? Ignore the tantrum. He'd mad and has a right to be but he'll learn. Hell, he's probably going to have a fit at every discipline technique. He's a kid. He's not going to "love" or "be agreeable" to discipline.

    Also at that age, they tend to look for a reaction. The more you react the more they feed off it. Make your request politely once. If he doesn't follow through, discipline. If it's simple conversation he's arguing about it...just keep repeating what you need in the same dull tone. ("I don't want to eat my peas." "Finish your peas and then you can play." Rinse. Repeat.) He's just waiting for you to push back.

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