did anyone have a NICU baby?

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

DS was taken from me right away after his birth and I did not get to hold him or see him until the next day. Long story short....but this still bothers me. I feel like I was robbed of a very emotional experience. At the time, it all happened so fast and now everytime I think about his birth, I feel teary eyed. I read over my birth story a lot. Will I ever get over this? even when I went to BF him in the NICU the next day, they rushed the whole thing, kept telling me to just feed him. i had to tell them several times "this is the first time I'm meeting my son, cant I just hold him and look at him?" The other night I found his soother and thought "this is what they gave him to replace me" -- this little newborn baby taken from his mother and into a warm plastic box over night.. ughhhhh...

sometimes I have to hide newborn photos of other ppl's babies on facebook because I feel so jealous. I've got about a handful of friends giving birth in the next few months and I just feel so jealous. anyone have a similar experience or know someone who did?

sschwege · November 2013

DS was taken almost immediately, I did get to hold him for maybe 1-3 minutes before they decided he needed to be brought to their Special Care nursery (not a NICU, but Level II care). He remained there for a day and a half, I got to hold him after maybe 12 hours, but could visit him right away. We weren't even sure if he would be able to come home with us until the 48 hour mark, which is when I would have had to go home with or without him. I'm bothered because I was thinking back to DD's birthday invitation, where I put a newborn picture along with her almost one year old picture to show how much she had grown over a year. I can't even put a hospital picture on his birthday invitation because he is hooked up to all these wires. It just makes me sad for him.

I remember being mad right after he was born because as I said to DH, "I did everything 'right' and he still ended up in here."

Here's what you have to tell yourself, there is no perfect or ideal way for babies to come into this world. DD stayed with me the whole time, so things went well, no issues. But I was plagued by guilt. Why? Because I didn't have the instant love every mother seems to experience. I felt very little after she was born and for the first day and a half after she was born. I remember looking at her in my MIL's arms and thinking, "Motherhood is so hard, how am I going to do this if I don't even love my baby." "What kind of mother doesn't love her baby?" I kept asking myself. That love did come and now I love DD more than I could have thought possible, but that first day or so was really hard.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, even if you had had your son with you, it may not have been what you were expecting. This might not even make sense, but I just wanted to say I understand what you are saying.

PepperBug · November 2013

I didn't have a NICU baby, but I had a traumatic birth experience with my son. I had a difficult recovery, and while I was able to nurse him, I felt detached from him for those first few days. I felt awful about it for a long time. But I wanted to tell you a few things. First, my son is no worse off for it. I sent him to the nursery every night we were in the hospital, and he has come to be very attached to me. He's 3 now, and he tells me all the time how much he loves me. Second, it did take me a while to get over what I felt I missed out on in those first few days. It's normal to feel that way, but it does get better every day.

My daughter is 7 months old. I got to have the newborn experience with her and it was a very healing experience for me (but only because of my experience, not hers). My relationship with her is no better or worse than the one I have with my son.

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

Thanks for your stories, ladies. I've never talked about this or told anyone how I feel. It's nice to relate to ppl

=Lee=B · November 2013

My daughter was in NICU, but just for the first 6 hours...then she was cleared to come to my room. My husband got to go stay with her for whole time. They allowed him to bring her to me for 30minutes when I finally woke up. She was 35w0d so they had to run a bunch of test to ensure she was healthy enough.

Anyways, she came early (after 4 weeks of bedrest), but hard and she got stuck after 2hr of pushing. I was somehow completely resistant to all drugs and after 4 epidurals and who knows what else I still felt the brutal contractions non-stop. had nurses coming in just to view the contraction machine cause they had heard about how hard/frequent they were. They had to do a C-section since she was crooked and stuck. The C-section drugs didn't work so they had to kick my husband out and put me under. In all, nothing went according to plan and nothing went smoothly or dream-like.

I woke in brutal pain and they had to try 4 different drugs before one finally worked. I was so out of it. My husband video taped me when they brought the baby to me...and it is almost funny how out of it I am (I had wanted little to no drugs, by the way). Anyways, I got to try and nurse her briefly before they took her back to NICU. It had been so much of an ordeal and so much drugs that really I don't think back to it.

In the end I got my baby She was healthy. We all survived. I have no regrets and don't feel I missed anything. It likely helps I was so drugged I couldn't think if I wanted to!

I would recommend seeking someone to talk to. You essentially need to grieve the loss of those hours you lost with your baby. A therapy or counsellor can help you work through the stages of grief so that you can overcome that. If you don't it will likely eat away at you for a long time coming. Those special moments are gone...but you have years of special moments coming your way!!

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

thanks... I too was loaded up with drugs and because everthing happened so fast, I didn't really have time to "feel" anything if that makes sense. I just went along with whatever they said. I wished I had pushed more about seeing him or SOMETHING.

megandscott07 · November 2013

My son was born 5 weeks early and spent 8 days in the NICU. I felt so sad and hopeless during that time, because he was hooked up to machines and I couldn't snuggle him or anything like other mothers do. Once he came home though I sort of got over it. Yeah I feel jealous sometimes when I visit my friends in the hospital and the baby is in the room (I didn't get that experience) but overall I don't think about it much anymore, it seems so long ago now!

DiFazette · November 2013

I was 24 hours plus before I saw my son. When I was finally able to come off the magnesium, I wasn't allowed to hold him right away because I was so weak and disoriented. While it wasn't a great experience, I've more than made up for those missed moments in snuggles and kisses at this point.

rdbanks · November 2013

My LO was in the NICU for two weeks he was born at 34 weeks after my water broke. I had a fairly smooth delivery but his lungs (along with the rest of him), were premature and though he didn't need help breathing, he did need more time to develop under supervision, as he was having apnea like events. I did hold him for about 1 minute before they whisked him away. An hour later, I was down there holding him again. The staff was great and I was able to see him whenever I wanted. But there's something about holding your tiny baby in the NICU... The tubes and beeping and nurses... He didn't feel like he was really MINE until we left for good, baby in our arms.

Being in the NICU was an experience I had never dreamed would happen to me--I had a heathy pregnancy with not a single problem. It was the hardest, most emotional time. Though we weren't able to stay with our son in hospital after day 3, I would arrive at 7 am and stay until 9pm--hoping that today would be the day he could leave (and bf him best I could). The hardest thing was leaving every night without my baby in my arms. I understand the feeling of being robbed of those beginning days and had to tell myself that he was there because he needed to be. It seemed like I would never get him. The only people that were allowed to visit were grandparents, and the times were restricted. I felt so alone and worried constantly.

This was not how I thought I would start motherhood. I didn't feel like I was able to bond with my guy until I had him home, even though we spent a lot of time together in the NICU. I envied those that came and went around me, the ones with "normal" birth stories. But, like a pp said, now nearly 8 months later, that time in the NICU seems so long ago. He is the sweetest, loviest baby and I have no regrets:)

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

all your stories tear me up! I never thought my son would end up in the NICU. Here we are at months PP and it still bothers me. I spend all my day with him but there is sill that part of me that wishes I could just do it over again and re-write history.

MrsRKJ · November 2013

I completely understand. My DS was 7 weeks early, emergency c-section, I was knocked out and DH wasn't even allowed in the room. DS had some health issues which required him to be on oxygen and a ton of other stuff...long story short, we didn't hold him until he was 16 days old. Yes DAYS old, and he was in the NICU for 33 days total.

I thought those days would never end, he'd never come home. I'd be there from 9am to 6pm every day..I think back and it makes me so sad. Not to mention another health issue that landed him in the PICU for 19 days in June (again there all day every day).

Had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, never ever thought this would have happened in a million years. DS still has some health issues (manageable and fixable) but tough to have to think about nonetheless.

But that being said...he is now 7 1/2 months old, and the most beautiful, funny, lovable boy. He's sitting up, laughing, playing, sticking out his tongue, eating like a horse and continuing to be the love of my life. The NICU seems so far away now. I try not to think about it, but every once in a while I do and get really down. But then I just look at DS and focus on the now.

((HUGS))

BigPoppa22 · November 2013

We had a pretty rough birth story. DW was in labor and having normal contractions but also occasional 6-7 minute long contractions that were causing DS's heart rate to decel. After a few hours, they decided to rush her in for an emergency c-section. When DS arrived, we heard a few of the trademark newborn cries and then strained crying after that. They called me over to welcome him, at the same time putting a respirator mask on him. They rushed him over to my wife and she got one, upside down, drugged up kiss on the cheek, and that was it. Off to the NICU. That was 4 pm. At 10 pm they were taking us by the NICU on the way from recovery to our room. Entered the room to see 3-4 doctors/nurses around our son's table, with one doctor saying "You can't come in here, we are doing a procedure!" Turns out they did not realize we were that baby's parents. They were putting in an umbilical line. DS had meconium aspiration syndrome that progressed to persistent pulminory hypertension of newborn and they warned us that if it did not improve he may need to xfer hospitals. At 4 am the staff woke us up to say that he was not responding as well as they hoped and he needed to be xferred. They said my wife could go to the NICU to see him. She stood up to get into the wheelchair and she dropped a pint of blood (from C/S) on the floor. The doctor had to come attend to her, and she was unable to see our son before he was xferred

I went with him and visited him a few times in the new hospital but could not touch him. My poor wife had to stay in the original hospital for another night and until the end of the next day. Thank god she somehow managed to recover quickly and did not need to stay for the standard 3rd night for c/s recovery. So DW finally really saw DS for the first time about 50 hours after giving birth. But only got to brush his arm and head a few times.

He stabilized that night and looked to be improving the next day but then that evening he took a big step backwards and we got a call that he needed to be xferred once again because he may need to be hooked up to the ECMO (look it up, or don't if you don't want nightmares). Thank god, he stabilized by the time the xfer team got to him. He was still xferred but luckily made only forward progress after that. We met him at the new hospital at 1 am and he was doing well but still could not hold him. When all is said and done, I think it was probably around the 5th or 6th day when we finally got to hold him. A little hazy on the details of which, it was a lot to take in.

To make the rest of the story short (maybe should have made the first part shorter? :P ), he stayed a total of 30 days in the NICU. About 2 weeks for the respiratory issues and 2 weeks for feeding issues. We had to fight to get to take him home on his 1 month birthday, had to take him with a feeding tube and I had to demonstrate to the doctor that I could successfully insert the tube, twice. Needless to say, we yanked it out after 2 days to allow him to not rely on it as a crutch. He has had some feeding issues linger. BUT...

DS turns 7 months today. He is 27.75 inches, 17.4 lbs, has zero health problems, and is on track in development! If I could figure out how to put a pic into my signature I would show you!

All of our pics from the first month have wires and tubes all over the place. We put them up on Facebook, and wear them like a badge. It is difficult to see him like that but it lets us remember what we all endured, how strong our little guy is, and how incredibly blessed we are that he is happy and healthy.

Really, you need to keep things in perspective. Things do not always go according to plan. If you missed some time at the beginning, missed out on the storybook birth, or whatever, but in the end have your baby healthy in your arms, you are blessed and that's all that matters!

Sorry for the novel!

niftychick29 · November 2013

Our little guy was born 6 weeks early, via C-Section, and I was on mag sulfate for Pre-E, so although I do remember the birth, parts of it are a bit hazy. I remember my husband holding our son up next to my head so I could see him (we have a picture of it, which I appreciate, the first time I got to see him) but then they both went with the nurses to the NICU immediately. I actually didn't get to go see him until the next day, when I was no longer hooked up to an IV/Mag. It was tough, knowing that he was down in the NICU without me, but my husband went and spent time with him. When I got to finally go see him, it was very emotional....I was still feeling sick (from the Pre-E) and felt guilty and sad, and rather detached....I was happy he was doing well in the NICU but it still didn't feel "real" that we had our baby already.

I ended up having to stay another week in the hospital while they attempted to get my swelling and blood pressure down, and although I was on modified bedrest we were able to go visit our son in the NICU a few times each day. The hardest thing was going home after a week...without our baby. It felt so surreal to walk into our house empty handed, and to see all the stuff from my shower (which had been a few days prior to being admitted to the hospital with Pre-E) sitting on the living room floor because I hadn't had time to put it away....very hard. We went to visit each day at the NICU and luckily our little guy had an uneventful 3 week stay before coming home.

I was worried that I wouldn't feel bonded to him like other moms do to their babies, because of not being able to hold him and whatnot those first few days, and because I wasn't able to breastfeed (due to various reasons) even after trying really hard to make it work. I'm HAPPY to say that I didn't need to be worried...I feel extremely bonded to my son, and we have a wonderful time together and I love him more than anything. I, too, felt some of those same feelings at first, feeling jealous of those still pregnant and feeling like I missed out on the last parts of pregnancy...but it's getting better, and now I mostly just feel grateful that we have a happy, healthy baby.

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

Aw you guys, I'm crying at your stories. Thank you for sharing them. I wish hospitals had some sort of support person there for families of NICU babies and traumatic births. It really does feel like a mourning of sort, not having those certain memories. I hope one day I'll be able to accept it.

lilylou727 · November 2013

My first was a NICU baby and it was a very similar experience. She really needed doctor/nurse support for her breathing, etc so I understood that she needed to be away to get medical help. She and I had so many medical issues that we did not see eachother for almost a day. My first pictures with her, I was standing next to her in a breathing box thing. While I'm sad I missed this amazing experience, nothing beats her being healthy now.

I totally understand you though. Besides my mother and sister, I wouldn't let any other family members or friends come to the hospital to visit. We were in a hospital room with no baby there. It was so sad.

Every birth is different. Now my daughter loves to hear about her traumatic birth... it makes her feel special that she made it through a really difficult time. And her story will always be special to me because I almost lost her.

sidey1 · November 2013

I think you've done us all a service by posting this because I find it helps just to talk about the experience, it's a little bit like therapy in a way.

My DS collapsed his lung during my emerg c section and was having difficulty breathing, I could hear the delivery team trying to encourage him to take a deep breath and I felt so helpless and like that was it, my baby was going to die before I even had a chance to see him. They brought him to me for literally about 20 secs, I got to kiss him on the cheek and then they whisked him away and my DH went with them. I was stuck on the operating table all by myself with very little info about what was going on. After 2 days of labor I was so tired I couldn't react.

DS spent 3 days in the NICU, the first day I didn't get to see him for 20 hours, I had a horrible nurse who didn't follow procedure, which was to get me up and about 10 hours after surgery, at the shift change the new nurse was horrified I was still stuck in bed. She quickly got me ready to go to the NICU, by the time I got there, DS had already gotten his first diaper change, that stung BIG time. He had a tube in his chest for the first 24 hrs so I wasn't able to hold him, only put my hands on him. It was HORRIBLE, i just wanted to hold and comfort my baby. His eyes were all swollen because they had oxygen tube taped to his nose and it caused swelling in his eyes, my poor baby didn't open his eyes for us for 3 days...He is now absolutely fine, but I'll never forget the numerous walks and wheelchair rides to the NICU over those days or the total numb feeling of not being pregnant anymore but not having my baby in my arms.

I have written a letter to the hospital to describe my less than ideal experience, I found that helped a great deal. The more time that passes the more I'm able to process things a little better, I would have loved to had a much differently experience but it is what it is, and I like to think DS is such a strong, independant, smart little boy because of everything he went through.. he proved to me he's was going to be a fighter right from the very start!

LisaLisa1980 · November 2013

Sidney, I am crying over my breakfast! Ah! I'm glad your baby is ok now. It's all so sad. I never thought It would affect me like this

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