June 2013 Moms

Responsive settling - long sorry

I've posted a few times about having difficulty getting my lo to sleep. Well, he use to be a good night sleeper and just a bad day sleeper. Since he hit the 4 month wakeful, all sleep has been awful and intimidating to me. Last night, I was up 5x and today he only napped once an hour. Overall he is a happy baby but I know he must sleep.

There is a program here called tressilian which will come to your home for an afternoon or you can sleep there for a week. I had one of the nurses come today. She introduced responsive settling. She was clear it's not the cry it out method. I'm so tired and confused and not sure what to think of it. When she was here it seemed reasonable but now that she's gone not so much. My husband and I will discuss tonight. It isn't sitting well with me but something needs to change. We can't go on the way we are.

Basically you put the baby in bed, wrap two sheets in a specific way around them. You then pat them and go right outside the door. You listen and if they are distressed go back and pat or pick them up if needed. You do this only 4 times. The idea is to get them to self soothe. She showed me when I picked him up he stopped crying and if he was that really upset he wouldn't stop crying that quickly. I saw what she was saying and got it
But it's awful.

After the 4th time you put them to sleep however you have too. My lo wouldn't go to sleep after any of this. I took him for a walk and he wouldn't even close his eyes.

We are both exhausted and I'm mentally spent. His dad is just putting him to bed now and he is crying (and so am I) because now he is so over tired. I feel very sad and isolated. I'm on the other side of the world from family and friends. I have no supper system other than my husband ( he's great but you need women for some of this stuff.

I just want to teach my son to sleep properly and not scream and cry every time he has to sleep.

Re: Responsive settling - long sorry

  • Thank you. Im literally listening to my lo cry for the past 30 minutes as his dad tries to put him to sleep like normal. I'm sitting here crying. I feel like in failing him. I need to teach him good sleep habits. Stuff like this makes me miss my mom and sister so much.
  • I'm so sorry. As a ftm I don't really have advice (I only know what has kinda worked for us) but all I can say is that we are here for you. It's ok for you to cry and let it out. Remember that this won't last forever!

    Ds is a pretty good night sleeper but is also in the wakeful period right now. He's never been able to nap in his own, only on me, in the car, or stroller. That's what we are working on now. I got one decent nap yesterday in the crib and two short ones today. Baby steps! :) Hugs!

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  • Hugs mama! We had a rough night here too :(

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  • I have two points:

    1) You know your baby. Each one is ready for sleep training at different times (if at all). I am a firm believer that there is no one size fits all solution. Each baby and each parent is different. You have to do something that will work for all of you. That being said,

    2) If you choose to sleep train, it will be tough and it will require consistency. I've never heard anyone say it was easy, but I have heard that its worth it. That method sounds reasonable if you want to avoid CIO, but all methods will be stressful at points. If you choose to do it, stick to your guns and give it a fair shot over a few days.

    And if he's not ready, then try again later. It sucks. I hope things improve for you soon.
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  • My LO wouldn't sleep with any light in the room.  I bought some Pottery Barn black out curtains and unplugged the nightlights and she sleeps day or night.  Wish I had more/better advice.  Hang in there. It will get better.
  • momofcatanmomofcatan member
    edited November 2013
    @numbersgirl08 summarized my feelings as well. You know your baby, trust yourself. Maybe you need to take a break, go back to the crutches/props, and try again in a week. My DD has been going to sleep mostly independently for weeks now, but the past 2 nights we have returned to me needing to hold her. I'm sure we will be able get back on track when she's ready, but right now she just needs some mommy time. I'm trying not to worry too much.

    ETA I should mention it took weeks of settling DD in her crib before we had success, and the reason I had patience for that was because all the other tricks (rocking, nursing to sleep) weren't working.

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  • Just wanted to let you know we're here for you. I'll also echo what others have said, do what feels right for you and LO when it comes to getting you both the rest you need.
  • Just wanted to know I'm giving you thoughts and prayers.
    I also believe that I think you know best for what LO is ready for and consistency (& perseverance) is key.
  • We resorted to bedsharing which I have grown to really enjoy however getting him to sleep is still soooo hard. Sometimes he won't nurse to sleep like he used to so dh has to rock him (this doesn't work for me). Well this week dh is on afternoons so I'm on my own. I lay in bed with him rub his belly, legs, sing, snuggle and more often than not he still cries himself to sleep. It sucks and makes me feel crappy.
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  • @gallaura I don't have any sleeping advice (my kids sleep for shit). But I just wanted to extend a hug from the other side of the world. It's tough to be so far away from friends and family. I hope our little online community gives you the support you need to make it through this tough time. It doesn't last forever. Promise!
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  • I have also resorted to bed sharing. It was the only way she would sleep, so in turn, the only way I could sleep. I'm so sorry you are going through this. N is at the end of her wakeful and it seriously sucked. I was a crying, angry zombie mess! I hope things get better for you soon! Creepy Internet hugs!
  • This too shall pass. In the meantime, every baby is different and not all of the respond to sleep training. If it feel wrong, don't do it. Go with your gut. Big hugs mama. I've so been there. My 3 year old was difficult to get to bed and slept in 30-90 minute periods until he was 2.

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  • Thank you everyone for sharing your insights and personal plights. It truly made me feel better.
  • @numbersgirl08 summarized my feelings as well. You know your baby, trust yourself. Maybe you need to take a break, go back to the crutches/props, and try again in a week. My DD has been going to sleep mostly independently for weeks now, but the past 2 nights we have returned to me needing to hold her. I'm sure we will be able get back on track when she's ready, but right now she just needs some mommy time. I'm trying not to worry too much.

    ETA I should mention it took weeks of settling DD in her crib before we had success, and the reason I had patience for that was because all the other tricks (rocking, nursing to sleep) weren't working.
    What did you do to teach settling in the crib?
  • I debated saying anything because I know how people feel about CIO (and I felt the same way), but your post is the exact desperation that I felt a month ago when I was at my wits end and didn't know what else to do. DS refused to sleep anywhere but on me or my husband. I would get maybe an hour of sleep a night (my husband works nights and obviously couldn't help) because I had to hold him, and I was afraid of sleeping with him on my chest. I did this for three months until I was seriously scared of losing my job because I was such a zombie. My pedi finally said that I needed to let him CIO. I immediately started crying myself but I had so much anxiety that everyday I was scared to pick up ds from daycare because I knew that meant that I wouldn't be putting him down from the moment I walked in the door. The only thing that made me realize that I needed to do it was that he really wasn't getting good sleep either. He was sleeping half of what the normal recommendation for his age was. The first night was terrible and I didn't think I would be able to make it, but the next day he slept great and we haven't looked back since. He is such a happier baby because he is getting the sleep he needs and I don't feel like I may crack at every moment. I know it's not for everyone and I'm sure I'll get judged for doing it, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and I know what you are going through. Make the best decision for you and your lo.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It's very kind of you to share this personal story and to know someone has been in your shoes. I appreciate it.
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