Working vs. Stay at home mom

ahjahbaba · November 2013

This will be my first baby, and I guess you could say I have a more traditional view and would really prefer to be a stay at home mom once my baby is born.
My husband however, is a money worrier so this really freaks him out that my income (part time school nurse, so not much at all) will be gone. I honestly think paying for childcare would come out to be about my monthly income anyway, so I say I'm right haha

Anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you resolve it?
Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Working mom?

ashie0610 · November 2013

I am a working mom and know that is what's best for me and my family. I think you have to do what is right for you and your situation.

Can you and your husband sit down to put together a budget factoring in child care costs and your current salary so that you can really see how it would affect you financially?

LB8427 · November 2013

I am a grad student, done in Dec. but now I'm pregnant. My husband and I have made the decision for me not to work while pregnant and in the very beginning of the baby's life. We just bought a new house, cars are falling apart, need furniture - so we definitely NEED the money but for some reason, it just feels right for us for me to stay home. I don't think there's any logic to it - it's just a feeling.

purpleXdandelion · November 2013

My husband and I could never get on the same page with money till we did Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. It is literally LIFE CHANGING whether you have lots of debt or just want to get your finances in order. Many churches have an in-person program, but we did ours online. Best $160 we've ever spent.

I am a SAHM and love that I get to watch our DS grow. I also sell Thirty-One which is a great way to make some extra money and get some adult time.

https://www.daveramsey.com/store/financial-peace-university/financial-peace-university-home-study-kit/prod163.html?ictid=hp.newfpu.bn

Or you can enter your zip and find a class near you.

biglewzer · November 2013

You're going to have to provide evidence for your stance.

Write up a budget, get child care quotes and look at your W2's for income.

biglewzer · November 2013

In our family, I'm the primary bread winner. So for us, I need to work. We get insurance through my husband's company. It's not "traditional" but it works for us.

rosietoesohs · November 2013

DH stays at home with our daughter now, and will continue that when the new one comes. It didn't make financial sense for him to continue at a job he didn't like just to pay for daycare.

Would I like to be a SAHM? Sometimes. They seem to have a lot of fun together and some days I envy that. But most days I'm happy to have a job to go to, happy that I support our family, and happy that DH is the one at home, doing laundry and picking up after me!

splaster79 · November 2013

I agree with you. I hope to stay at home for the first year. Id really like to be til they start K but i dont know if financially we will be able to.

reils500 · November 2013

I am a working mom & the breadwinner of our household. DH just graduated in the spring & has been looking for a teaching job. In the meantime he works at a restaurant & is home with DS during the day. DS used to be in daycare full time & loved it, so he still goes 1 day to give DH a break.

acciovino · November 2013

I thought I wanted to SAH with DD, but after 5 months of maternity leave, I was so ready to go back to work. I thrive on adult interaction and I thought I was literally going insane all day at home with the baby. Don't get me wrong, I loved being able to spend that time with her, but for my own sanity, I needed a break. The other aspect is either you're going to SAH all day, or you're going to go out and spend money that you don't have. We did not have that "extra" money and therefore I didn't go out much and got major cabin fever. There's only so many "free" things you can go out and do.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2013

I'm working for now. DH has always known that in the long run, I do not want to work (though I do like the "adult time" it gives me). We discussed this before we were even married. I'd rather spend my time volunteering somewhere I enjoy. DH has a great career and does well, but we're going to wait a little longer until I back out of the workforce. His goal is to have at least 2 years of expenses in savings. We're about halfway there and if his bonuses keep up like they have the last few quarters, we should be there within the year and then we can reassess the situation.

1982Babies · November 2013

My DH and I make similar amounts, though he just got this increase in the past few months (before, he was making a little more than half what I do). We work different shifts with about a 3 hour overlap, so I just don't see the need for a full time sitter. I really can't justify quitting my job since it's a good income (I'd rather make it now and save for early retirement) and since my job is from home, I was hoping to be able to keep the kiddo home for a while until they're mobile, or maybe have my MIL come over a couple of times a week to help out.

I don't think I could be a SAHM for a long time, but if I were to lose my job, I could do six months and feel okay with that. I just like making my own money and contributing to the household. I like being able to spend $100 on something I want without having to "ask permission" (we keep separate finances and put 50% of our paychecks into the pot for bills, and keep the rest for ourselves - so if he saves up and wants to buy a $1000 toy, he can and it comes out of his savings, not the mutual household).

So yes, I plan on working. I think I'd go nuts as a SAHM. The house can only get so clean.

biglewzer · November 2013

1982Babies said:

My DH and I make similar amounts, though he just got this increase in the past few months (before, he was making a little more than half what I do). We work different shifts with about a 3 hour overlap, so I just don't see the need for a full time sitter. I really can't justify quitting my job since it's a good income (I'd rather make it now and save for early retirement) and since my job is from home, I was hoping to be able to keep the kiddo home for a while until they're mobile, or maybe have my MIL come over a couple of times a week to help out.

Even if we could afford a single income household, the fear of not having enough in our retirement savings would keep me working. I'm terrified of being 70 years old and having to work to support ourselves. I'd rather the extra income to insure that longterm security.

Also, I like fancy vacations and retail therapy.

biglewzer · November 2013

Also, I will say from a breadwinner standpoint. It's extremely stressful and terrifying. Every single financial obligation you're going to have will rest solely on your husband's shoulders. If this wasn't something he'd ever considered, he's probably terrified.

Standard bills, retirement, college, vacations...it goes on and on and on. His head is probably spinning if this is coming out of left field at him.

As I said before, you're going to have to provide evidence that your household can survive this and that it makes financial sense based on childcare costs vs. your income.

TeacherGirl17 · November 2013

I am a teacher and have a pretty ideal system for the best of both worlds. We're on a 4 day work week so I have 3 days a week with DS. DH watches him on monday and Tuesday so they get some bonding time. A dear friend with 6 kids who is staying home with her youngest watches him on Wednesday and Thursday. DS is so friendly and happy and I think that's due to having different people watch him throughout the week.

ksuRN09 · November 2013

I'm the breadwinner so I really don't have a choice but to work. It doesn't bother me, though. I only work 3 days a week so I'll be home a lot.

I agree with PPs. You and your DH need to sit down and work out a budget and figure out what works best for your family.

Lea2308 · November 2013

I am currently the breadwinner but my husband will start working next fall. I am ok with being a working mom, but that is mostly because I like to work.

1982Babies · November 2013

biglewzer said:

1982Babies said:

My DH and I make similar amounts, though he just got this increase in the past few months (before, he was making a little more than half what I do). We work different shifts with about a 3 hour overlap, so I just don't see the need for a full time sitter. I really can't justify quitting my job since it's a good income (I'd rather make it now and save for early retirement) and since my job is from home, I was hoping to be able to keep the kiddo home for a while until they're mobile, or maybe have my MIL come over a couple of times a week to help out.

Even if we could afford a single income household, the fear of not having enough in our retirement savings would keep me working. I'm terrified of being 70 years old and having to work to support ourselves. I'd rather the extra income to insure that longterm security.

Also, I like fancy vacations and retail therapy.

Yes, I really don't want to work until I am 70.. ugh. I am very much into using coupons for things (though am trying to stay away from "junk food".. more for stuff like yogurt, milk, veggies, dog/cat food, plus sticking to what's on sale for the week). I was working part time for a few months before we got married (and he didn't live here) and I was on a strict budget, and I kinda kept to it when I started working full time again, so I would be able to get it together.

I am a thrifter, but I do love occasional retail therapy. Coach outlet had a huge sale, 50% off clearance.. got a $550 bag for $160 or something... and it's for my mom. lol... sitting in the box next to me...

BettyBoop86 · November 2013

I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but I am the breadwinner for now, and even if DH was a SATD we would not be able to pay our bills...so unfortulately I will have to go back to work.

hupp0013 · November 2013

I have been a SAHM for around a year. I personally really enjoy it. I started enjoying it more when I joined a mothers group that does child care. We meet with the group and our kids play for a couple of hours in child care twice a month. We made a budget and figured out that it would be ok for me to stay home. If it wouldn't have worked with the budget, I would either have gone back to work or found a part time night work option. We did that before we moved to our new town.

AmericanInOz · November 2013

I took a year off when dd was born, then went back 3 days a week for 6 months, then 4 days

We've been doing 4 days a week for 2 1/2 years now (one of those days I work from home)

I LOVE having Wednesdays off to just do fun stuff with her, it's a really good balance for us

mrscurlygurl · November 2013

I am a teacher, but am currently staying at home. I too felt like the cost of childcare would outweigh loss of my income by staying home. It wouldn't have been equal...we would have some extra on top of it. But that extra would have meant an hour commute both ways and a very unhappy mommy (I didn't like the district or school I was in). Plus, I had always wanted to stay home when my kids were little. Are we as financially stable as would be ideal? No, but we're making it work. I know I will go back eventually (if I can find a job) so I'm not too worried about not paying into retirement right now. We'll just have to add into it more if possible down the road.

So, as several have suggested research the cost of childcare and come up with a budget. See how much/if any extra income your job would bring and whether or not that is worth it for your family. Good luck with working it out!

redhotmama7 · November 2013

I'll be a first time mom when this little one comes and I cannot wait to stay home with him/her.

alyss0nl · November 2013

I'm a working mom. DH and I make very good money, so me not working would be a devastating blow. I'm technically a SAHM in the summers since I teach, and I think that is enough. I love being with DS, but I also love what he gets from Daycare.

jill5572 · November 2013

I am a SAHM mom with my daughter who is currently 13 months and we are expecting our second in July and I plan to stay at home until they are school aged. It is very important to both of us that I am home to take care of our kids so we make some financial sacrifices (we don’t go out to eat a lot, we don’t buy things just because we want them, ect) but to me it has been worth it. Being a stay at home mom is a lot harder than most people give any one credit to (i dont know how many times I have heard “so what do you do all day?” haha) but you need to do what works best for your family! Best of luck!

V1981 · November 2013

I couldn't stay home if I wanted lol. This area is SO expensive it's silly. I love my job though so it's best of both worlds. I'm home all summer and everyday by 2:30. Plus my kids get an amazing private school education.

mrscurlygurl · November 2013

V1981 said:

I couldn't stay home if I wanted lol. This area is SO expensive it's silly. I love my job though so it's best of both worlds. I'm home all summer and everyday by 2:30. Plus my kids get an amazing private school education.

Finding a good private school would be ideal. I never thought I would say that, but I've been soured by our public school systems

khp120 · November 2013

I'm hoping to be a SAHM, too. I am in a similar situation because I make very little money as a Child Life Specialist. It would take just about my entire pay check to afford good child care in the city. My husband is a little worried about loosing my income, so we compromised. I will nanny a child or two a few days a week at our home, and it will upset some of the cost/ I can still be home with baby.

V1981 · November 2013

mrscurlygurl said:

V1981 said:

I couldn't stay home if I wanted lol. This area is SO expensive it's silly. I love my job though so it's best of both worlds. I'm home all summer and everyday by 2:30. Plus my kids get an amazing private school education.

Finding a good private school would be ideal. I never thought I would say that, but I've been soured by our public school systems

So sad right? They treat teachers horribly in some schools. The benefits are amazing but not always worth it.

bzbear2 · November 2013

1982Babies said:

.

So yes, I plan on working. I think I'd go nuts as a SAHM. The house can only get so clean.

I hate to burst your bubble, but if you find yourself wondering what else to do with your time once you have a baby, or with nothing else to clean, then you might be the very first SAHM to feel that way.

melb7svn · November 2013

I'm very fortunate to have the option either way. Sweetest moment ever: When talking with DH the other day about this, he told me "This is why I worked so hard to get a good education, a good job, and save. I did it so I could support my family, so all you need to worry about is baby." DH is not a very sensitive guy, so this really made me tear up. I know he would be supportive either way, but I really couldn't make enough for it to be worth it anyway.

purpleXdandelion · November 2013

melb7svn said:
I'm very fortunate to have the option either way. Sweetest moment ever: When talking with DH the other day about this, he told me "This is why I worked so hard to get a good education, a good job, and save. I did it so I could support my family, so all you need to worry about is baby." DH is not a very sensitive guy, so this really made me tear up. I know he would be supportive either way, but I really couldn't make enough for it to be worth it anyway.

That's so sweet

Cherisestevens · November 2013

Have you thought about doing something to where you can earn extra money from home?? I am pregnant with my second and work part time but when this one comes I'll stay home permanently. I sell origami owl living Lockets and it is definitely helping to bring us financial freedom!! If u have any ??'s you can contact me at cherisestevens@yahoo.com and I'd love to show you how it can help you

bzbear2 · November 2013

I went to work when DS was 1 and our maternity leave money ran out (I live in Germany). I felt good about that balance. Now I work part time, 20 hours a week, and DS is in daycare and loves it. We will probably do the same with this one!

dkizz82 · November 2013

I would love to SAH but I am the primary bread winner and don't see that happening for us.

paxilchyk · November 2013

I was a SAHM until this summer when I decided that I needed a break from the house and wanted more spending money. I loved being home with my babies the first years of their lives, but I've realized I need more me time. I wasn't getting that with monthly girls nights. Having a few hours out of the house a couple times a week has been great. I'm not sure what will happen after this baby is born, but I have a feeling we will actually need my income with three little ones.

sadalman · November 2013

I am also a SAHM! I was very fortunate to have a year of mat leave! I am not sure that's the case down in the states! Daycare is very expensive and space availability is next to nothing! I open my own day home! I have kids the same age as my dd who come for the day and play! She gets all the benifits of being in daycare but with me being with her! All of her friends all have been together from only being weeks old! I know it's not for everyone but it pays the bills and you get to be with your little one!

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