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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Jessica+Penny
member
Finally doing an intro (older child mentioned)
Jessica+Penny
member
Hey everyone. I am so sorry we are all here. Miscarriages suck and, just like most heartbreaking things in life, no one else can truly understand what we are going through if they haven't had a loss. I am finally typing out this story because I haven't had the strength to type it all out because it makes me so sad. Plus it makes it seem so much more real. *I do mention my older daughter*
I found out I was pregnant on July 21st and was excited but a bit nervous because I already have a toddler and would have ended up having 2 under 2. I had nausea, fatigue, all the normal 1st trimester symptoms of pregnancy. Somewhere along 8-9 weeks I felt something was "not right" with the pregnancy but couldn't pin-point anything. I didn't have bleeding or abnormal cramping but I kept telling my husband I thought something was wrong. I went for my first OB appointment at 10 weeks and even mentioned it to the midwife. She did a pelvic exam and thought my uterus was smaller than it should have been and wanted me to get a dating US. I am still breastfeeding so my cycle before my last period was longer than normal (36 days) so she and I thought I ovulated late and my EDD was later, thus explaining why my uterus felt smaller.
On September 5th I went for my first ultrasound. I was a day away from 11 weeks. My husband stayed home with our daughter and I was going to get video and pictures of the ultrasound to show him later. I was very cool with him not coming because I didn't think the US was going to be a big deal. As soon as the ultrasound started I knew something was wrong. There was no movement at all, no heart movements and I couldn't see any clear outline of a baby. I started to cry a little and asked the ultrasound tech if she saw a heartbeat. She said "The doctor will talk with you about the ultrasound" which is code for NOT GOOD. At that point I lost it and was sobbing. She gave me tissues and got some more measurements of the baby and then left. I kept sobbing and sobbing and it took the doctor ONE HOUR to come talk to me. He said there was no heartbeat and the baby measured 8.5 weeks. I tried to hold myself together while walking about of the hospital but broke down in a hallway on my way out. I couldn't believe this was happening and at the same time I couldn't believe I was right about something being off. I wanted to be wrong about that feeling and be able to look back and think I was just being paranoid. I just didn't want to believe any of it.
When I got home my husband was laying in bed while our daughter napped. I told him to come in the living room and when he got there all I could do was look him in the eyes and shake my head and cry. I didn't know what to say. He kept asking "What's wrong? What happened??" and I told him there was no heartbeat and the baby died 2 weeks ago. We hugged and cried and just sat on the couch for a while. My daughter woke up a little later and I never felt more lucky in my life to have her.
I had an OB appointment on Sep 10th and since I hadn't had any bleeding or cramping yet, a D&C was scheduled for the next day. I was extremely nervous about the procedure but it went really well. I was glad I went that route because there was no pain and barely any bleeding afterwards. The next few weeks were rough because I would get really depressed thinking about everything. In my mind I already saw our future and it included this little baby and now this baby was gone. I felt like all the bad nausea/morning sickness and fatigue were for nothing. We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant yet because we were waiting until about 14 weeks and a normal ultrasound and now I didn't know how to tell people I had a miscarriage. I wanted to let people know this little baby existed at least a little while in my life but I didn't know how to go about that. It is now almost 2 months later and we still having told our families. The time has never felt right.
Thanks for listening.
I found out I was pregnant on July 21st and was excited but a bit nervous because I already have a toddler and would have ended up having 2 under 2. I had nausea, fatigue, all the normal 1st trimester symptoms of pregnancy. Somewhere along 8-9 weeks I felt something was "not right" with the pregnancy but couldn't pin-point anything. I didn't have bleeding or abnormal cramping but I kept telling my husband I thought something was wrong. I went for my first OB appointment at 10 weeks and even mentioned it to the midwife. She did a pelvic exam and thought my uterus was smaller than it should have been and wanted me to get a dating US. I am still breastfeeding so my cycle before my last period was longer than normal (36 days) so she and I thought I ovulated late and my EDD was later, thus explaining why my uterus felt smaller.
On September 5th I went for my first ultrasound. I was a day away from 11 weeks. My husband stayed home with our daughter and I was going to get video and pictures of the ultrasound to show him later. I was very cool with him not coming because I didn't think the US was going to be a big deal. As soon as the ultrasound started I knew something was wrong. There was no movement at all, no heart movements and I couldn't see any clear outline of a baby. I started to cry a little and asked the ultrasound tech if she saw a heartbeat. She said "The doctor will talk with you about the ultrasound" which is code for NOT GOOD. At that point I lost it and was sobbing. She gave me tissues and got some more measurements of the baby and then left. I kept sobbing and sobbing and it took the doctor ONE HOUR to come talk to me. He said there was no heartbeat and the baby measured 8.5 weeks. I tried to hold myself together while walking about of the hospital but broke down in a hallway on my way out. I couldn't believe this was happening and at the same time I couldn't believe I was right about something being off. I wanted to be wrong about that feeling and be able to look back and think I was just being paranoid. I just didn't want to believe any of it.
When I got home my husband was laying in bed while our daughter napped. I told him to come in the living room and when he got there all I could do was look him in the eyes and shake my head and cry. I didn't know what to say. He kept asking "What's wrong? What happened??" and I told him there was no heartbeat and the baby died 2 weeks ago. We hugged and cried and just sat on the couch for a while. My daughter woke up a little later and I never felt more lucky in my life to have her.
I had an OB appointment on Sep 10th and since I hadn't had any bleeding or cramping yet, a D&C was scheduled for the next day. I was extremely nervous about the procedure but it went really well. I was glad I went that route because there was no pain and barely any bleeding afterwards. The next few weeks were rough because I would get really depressed thinking about everything. In my mind I already saw our future and it included this little baby and now this baby was gone. I felt like all the bad nausea/morning sickness and fatigue were for nothing. We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant yet because we were waiting until about 14 weeks and a normal ultrasound and now I didn't know how to tell people I had a miscarriage. I wanted to let people know this little baby existed at least a little while in my life but I didn't know how to go about that. It is now almost 2 months later and we still having told our families. The time has never felt right.
Thanks for listening.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Finally doing an intro (older child mentioned)
We had not told anyone we were pregnant. We were waiting until about 13 weeks. After my miscarriage we decided to tell our parents, my sis and over the weekend I told two friends. My one friend knew something was up and the other had a d&c this year too. I'm glad I told them. My parents and sister were grateful I told them - I feel like it's something they should know and I am close to them (but I live on a different continent).
It's completely up to you if you decide to tell others or not. If you're not ready, maybe give yourself some time and then decide. Just don't think that you can't share your experience. Don't bottle it all up inside! Sounds like you have a DH - you two can also support each other. My DH has been really great.
I wish you all the best. Hopefully you can find some comfort and support here. Big hugs!
BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)