Thanksgiving dilemma - second hand smoke

STint520 · November 2013

We have family hosting Thanksgiving this year. Only problem is, they smoke cigarettes in the house and the house always smells like smoke/stale smoke. We have 15 month old twins. Would you expose your kids to the smoke? They said they wouldn't smoke in house for a couple of days before Thanksgiving.

jasminelorraine20 · November 2013

If they've already agreed to not smoking in the house, then I wouldn't worry about it. They know that you and the babies are coming to visit, so it looks like they've already taken that into consideration. If they refuse to take the smoking outside, I'd stay at a hotel.

mamaHippo23 · November 2013

Yeah, it's gross, but one day of exposure will not harm your twins. Everyone I know who loves and spends time with my son (besides myself, my parents, and daycare) is a smoker. It's unfortunate, and I'm not thrilled about the smoking, but I let it go because they are otherwise wonderful, loving people who are very good to my kid. I figure since he spends 90% of his time in smoke-free environments, occasional exposure is not a huge deal.

jasminelorraine20 · November 2013

theresat858 said:

mamaHippo23 said:

Yeah, it's gross, but one day of exposure will not harm your twins. Everyone I know who loves and spends time with my son (besides myself, my parents, and daycare) is a smoker. It's unfortunate, and I'm not thrilled about the smoking, but I let it go because they are otherwise wonderful, loving people who are very good to my kid. I figure since he spends 90% of his time in smoke-free environments, occasional exposure is not a huge deal.
And what research are you basing that on?
Even third hand smoke can be harmful.

I would offer to host Thanksgiving at your house instead, or politely decline the invitation. I realize they are trying to be accommodating by not smoking for a few days, but the years of buildup on their upholstery and carpets will not go away in a few days -- even professional cleaning might not take care of it.

I definitely would not stay at their house. Maybe go for an hour or two for Thanksgiving dinner, but stay in a hotel if they are not local to you.

All of what she said.

newenglander71 · November 2013

I think that even though exposure to 3rd hand smoke has been shown to have potential health effects, especially in children, that like most exposures it has to do with how much and how often the exposure occurs. Personally, I wouldn't be too concerned with a one time exposure for a few hours on Thanksgiving.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2013

My grandparents were both heavy smokers. Of course, this was 30 years ago, but it didn't keep us from visiting them. If it's a question of staying with them, I would probably choose a hotel and just come for the day. I know at some point my grandparents got one of those air filtration machine and it did wonders for the smoke smell, but they lived in a condo so it wasn't a large space to clean the air.

drunkindonuts · November 2013

I'm a non-smoker, a nurse, and someone who comes from a family of non-smokers (mine and husbands). I understand the danger of first, second, and third hand smoke and wouldn't expose my child to it. However, this is one thanksgiving meal and I think everyone will be just fine. It's considerate of your family to offer not to smoke in the house a few days prior, and during thanksgiving dinner.

mamaHippo23 · November 2013

Nicb13 said:

theresat858 said:

mamaHippo23 said:

Yeah, it's gross, but one day of exposure will not harm your twins. Everyone I know who loves and spends time with my son (besides myself, my parents, and daycare) is a smoker. It's unfortunate, and I'm not thrilled about the smoking, but I let it go because they are otherwise wonderful, loving people who are very good to my kid. I figure since he spends 90% of his time in smoke-free environments, occasional exposure is not a huge deal.

And what research are you basing that on?
Even third hand smoke can be harmful.

I would offer to host Thanksgiving at your house instead, or politely decline the invitation. I realize they are trying to be accommodating by not smoking for a few days, but the years of buildup on their upholstery and carpets will not go away in a few days -- even professional cleaning might not take care of it.

I definitely would not stay at their house. Maybe go for an hour or two for Thanksgiving dinner, but stay in a hotel if they are not local to you.

This is so dramatic. I don't think OP is talking about staying there and if she was, I would recommend a hotel too. This is a one time thing for Thanksgiving. You don't need research for every single decision you make.

You're right, I don't have research to support my opinion because sometimes I think for myself

I am NOT saying that children are not affected by second or third hand exposure. I AM saying that in the big picture of my son's entire childhood, occasionally being briefly exposed to a mild airborne toxin, that is not causing him immediate physical discomfort, is okay with me. Unless someone is blowing smoke directly near him, I don't feel compelled to intervene. Like I said, he spends almost all his time in smoke-free environments, so I consider infrequent contact with secondhand smoke to be no more threatening than other environmental toxins I can't protect him from.

ashiscute · November 2013

If it's just for the day I'd go (unless you had a child with asthma). I think they were being very generous with their offer of not smoking for a few days. Smoking is disgusting but one day isn't the end of the world.

Meery82 · November 2013

shana+chris said:

I'm a non-smoker, a nurse, and someone who comes from a family of non-smokers (mine and husbands). I understand the danger of first, second, and third hand smoke and wouldn't expose my child to it. However, this is one thanksgiving meal and I think everyone will be just fine. It's considerate of your family to offer not to smoke in the house a few days prior, and during thanksgiving dinner.

ALL of this.

tamararachel2 · November 2013

My ILs smoke and last time we visited, they made sure no one smoked in the house days before and while we were there. My SIL even febreezed all the furniture and we barely could smell the smoke. I think you'll be fine as long as everyone keeps the smoking outside.

ktnicole · November 2013

I wouldn't go. I hate the smell and would (and do) offer to host.

mb314 · November 2013

tamararachel2 said:

My ILs smoke and last time we visited, they made sure no one smoked in the house days before and while we were there. My SIL even febreezed all the furniture and we barely could smell the smoke. I think you'll be fine as long as everyone keeps the smoking outside.

I would go too - it's just one day, and I don't think there will be long term harm done.

However, pp mentioned Febreeze - that doesn't actually get rid of the smoke - it just masks it with another chemical.

designer303 · November 2013

We actually have this problem with my MIL she smokes more than 2 packs a day and her house is horrible. You can see the yellow brown nicotene on all the walls and I can barely breathe in that house. I have watched my nephew coughing horribly when he stays there and DH and I agreed that while the house was that bad we would not sleep over. It is difficult because it causes us to have to pay for a hotel and MIL is not happy about it us not being there all the time when we are visitng, but its what I feel we have to do. Do some research about 3rd hand smoke. There are studies coming out now that look at things like the residue cigarette smoke leaves in carpet and if you have young children that are crawling and still putting everything in their mouths they might end up eating pieces of that carcigenic residue, for this reason I took a big clean blanket with us to MIL's house so that DH could play on that and not the carpet. Washed it everynight at the hotel, then took it back with us in the morning. I know I sound crazy, and maybe I am. Utlimately its your decision and you have to do what you are comfortable with, my compromise was that we go and we spend as much time outside when possible during the day and then DH gets a bath at the hotel and gets to sleep in a smoke free enviroment. When he was smaller, we tried thinking it was just one day and stayed over, he got a red rash on his hands and face from the smoke exposure and he was badly congested for days after we left. So after that we made the deal about staying in hotels.

mrsshawnavanb · November 2013

If they aren't smoking in the house while your kids are there then I wouldn't sweat it. Yes, it sucks that it smells like smoke but I wouldn't skip a holiday with family over something like this. Your kids will survive!
ETA: I think it's nice that they offered a compromise and won't smoke in the house for a few days beforehand. That's at least something.

I agree with all of that ^^^ my FIL smokes heavily in his house and on Christmas eve we go over there. I ask that he not smoke around my daughter and he respects that even though he raised his kids with a cig in his hand and them in his lap (multiple pics documenting this!) lol.

turner215 · November 2013

My family and DH family smoke. DD was born 5 days before Christmas and we still sent to the family to visit. They only smoked outside, and we said if they were smoking to wash their hands and put a blanket between their clothes and the baby. Everyone understood and was very nice about it. We had the same rule last year and this year. We also only stay for about an hour or two and invite anyone who wants to spend more time to our house later. I know there are people who wont step foot inside of a house that someone smokes in, but really, lets not go crazy. Its about compromise and whats best for your kids. Its your personal decision.

&orchid& · November 2013

I think people go way overboard on the second hand smoke issue. As long as my parents are not smoking in the house while we are over, I don't think it's a big deal for an occasional visit. It's harder for me to breathe when I'm downtown waiting for a bus at the bus stop. Do I not take my kid downtown because there will be exhaust fumes?

allardr · November 2013

Nicb13 said:

If they aren't smoking in the house while your kids are there then I wouldn't sweat it. Yes, it sucks that it smells like smoke but I wouldn't skip a holiday with family over something like this. Your kids will survive!
ETA: I think it's nice that they offered a compromise and won't smoke in the house for a few days beforehand. That's at least something.

This. Go. You cant protect them from smoke all the time and I think the family is being as accommodating as possible especially with agreeing not to smoke in house leading up to holiday. If no smoking that day they'll be fine. (I agree I hate the smell of smoke too, but such is life, I would certainly not skip such a big family holiday over it)

I also agree with Febreeze just another chemical added to the mix.

janinekrause · November 2013

I would 100% go.

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