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January 2014 Moms
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fb "belly buddy" rant

JuliaH21JuliaH21 member
in January 2014 Moms
A friend of mine (from high school) is due 3 days before me with her first. There are very few things in life that we approach the same way, so it's not really a surprise that birth is going to be anything different. Since this is my second she messages me a lot with cloth diaper questions, labor questions, etc. She's really into midwifery, doulas, etc. I have absolutely no problem with that. I would love to see a midwife and deliver at a birth center, but those were not options when I had DD (same place she lives now) or where I'm living now. I have no problem advocating for myself, researching things on my own, etc (and typically believe it's best to do those things anyway) and have a situation I'm very happy with.
Well my friend seemed okay at first but as she gets closer and closer to her edd, she seems to be freaking out about hospitals and obs pressuring interventions. She's said a home birth is not an option, so a hospital birth is pretty much what she has to go with. She keeps posting these quotes from books about c/s rates in hospitals, episiotomies, negative effects of epidurals on newborns and even negative statistics about not having a doula present. All of these seemed a little off to me so asking her about it, it turns out all the books she's reading were written in the 80s or earlier. Are you kidding me? This pregnancy is almost exactly 2 years after my first and a lot of things have been changed and updated in that time. How can someone really think anything that old is really relevant. 
I had DD where she'll be delivering and had no issues fighting against my doctor or the whole hospital to get a med-free birth, no episiotomy, walked around, sat in the shower for most of it, various pushing positions, etc. I didn't have a doula, but it's certainly no problem there. All the nurses are trained to help with breastfeeding and strongly encourage an LC visit before you leave, encourage skin-to-skin--basically all the stuff that is important to her. I've suggested in the past that she should address her concerns with her actual OB and find out what that practice's policy on topics she's concerned about actually is. 
Well, she was having a lot of braxton hicks a few nights ago and had some questions about them. Through our conversation, I found out she hasn't really looked through the things her doctor gave her (like the lists of medicines that are safe, how many bh/hr before calling L&D) and it doesn't seem that she's interested in touring the hospital (which I also suggested because I thought it would help her to see and hear about how set up they are for the labor options she's interested in). 
It just drives me a little crazy that she is so focused on all this out dated stuff and not doing anything to more relevant--and that she's freaking herself out over it. It seems like she's going to go into this prepared (and stressed about) to fight with the doctor and staff the whole time and that seems like the most detrimental thing to her whole plan (she's also been very unopen to suggestions/warnings that plans sometimes don't work out despite the best preparations) Really, I guess I'm mostly annoyed she isn't listening to my awesome advice ;) That, and I can't understand not reading something more current.   
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Re: fb "belly buddy" rant

  • alinafedalinafed member
    This would really annoy me too - if your friend isn't interested in advice, from her doctor, you, the hospital staff, then really it is pointless for her to even raise these concerns to you. It seems like she just wants to be stressed and not to actually find a solution. I would probably lose patience with her and be a bit more blunt about how her concerns are not really founded on anything relevant. 


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  • megngregkmegngregk member
    I would venture to say her sources are possibly older than she is. Surely she understands how quickly advances are made in medicine every day, no? This kind of thing blows my mind.

    As a FTM, I understand wanting everything to be just so, but I rely very heavily on the knowledge of recent BTDT moms.
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  • PreDempseyPreDempsey member

    Focusing on the negative seems like a really good way to go into labor. It's so much easier when you can't relax right?

    For someone who is so into digging up research she doesn't seem to be doing herself any favors by not looking into many things relavant to her own delivery.


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    PCOS diagnosed secondary infertility

    BFP #1 (letrozole 2.5mg + ovidrel) February 2016, MMC April 2016 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #2 (letrozole 5mg + ovidrel) July 2016, Beta #1 359, Beta #2 745, Beta #3 11484

    EDD April 9th, 2017

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  • mrsbeersmrsbeers member
    Sounds like she's almost looking for a pity-party in her pregnancy. Who posts info about episiotomies on their facebook??
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  • AnnikaD20AnnikaD20 member
    I would be so annoyed with someone like that. I really hate the mentality that it's you vs. the medical staff. And refusing to be informed on hospital policies or take a tour sounds like crazy talk to me. I started putting together a list of things that I wanted (no episiotomy, avoid pushing on my back, etc) and then found out that those are the defaults at my hospital anyway.

    Anyway, your advice is awesome, but some people like to get worked up over fake problems.
    DS1 12/30/13
    Miscarriage 3/15 at 10 weeks
    BFP 7/23/15 EDD 4/3/16
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  • JuliaH21JuliaH21 member
    megngregk said:
    I would venture to say her sources are possibly older than she is. Surely she understands how quickly advances are made in medicine every day, no? This kind of thing blows my mind. As a FTM, I understand wanting everything to be just so, but I rely very heavily on the knowledge of recent BTDT moms.
    Sometimes I'm not so sure what she understands. She seems to get sucked into propaganda (of every sort) pretty easily and when I've tried to talk about studies being done well or poorly, statistics being skewed by information being left out, etc, I get the impression her eyes glaze over on the other side of the screen.
    I think they may be her mom's books.  
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