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Question about foster adopting when you have a young child

LadyXaverianLadyXaverian member
in Adoption
Please excuse how naive I was/am, but something that I'm just now thinking about after having a long discussion with a DCS worker last week is about whether or not it is wise to start this process while our daughter is so young. I guess I thought if you were going into the role of foster parent as one who intended to adopt, you would only be given children to foster who were legally free to adopt. Now I realize that it's not really that way, and that we could be asked to foster children who would be short-term placements. It's one thing for my husband and I to make peace with the fact that we could be loving and caring for children who would be placed back with their birth families, but how do you help a 3 year old cope with bringing other children in and out of her home and her life?

I'm sure this is something that is discussed in the PATH classes, but I'm looking for some words of wisdom from anyone who has been through this. 

Is it better to wait until she is a little older, or is it not unreasonable to do this while she's still so little?
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Our sweet girl is 3!


Lilypie - (R7Ux)


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Re: Question about foster adopting when you have a young child

  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    It's not unreasonable, but I'm sure it's not easy to have children come into your home and then leave your family, especially for your daughter. Children in foster care are system because they suffered trauma, and they have needs greater than typical children. If they aren't yet freed for adoption, there are also many appointments, visits, and therapies that will also place a meander on your time and attention, and likely away from your daughter. There are certainly many families that make it work, and you always have the final say on what ages and situations you think your family can handle, but now is the time to consider what you feel capable of taking on and where your limits lie.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    Also, please take a look and consider what was written in some of the recent threads regarding adopting/fostering out of birth order.
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  • bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    My BIL/SIL are doing foster-adopt for their third child (first two are bio). Their oldest is 5 and their son is 2. They talk extensively with them about the fact that they are taking care of Baby XYZ and that he/she may be going back to live with their family. They've had 2 placements returned to their families already, and the 5 y.o. really grasps the situation. The 2 y.o. doesn't get it, but he's coping well.
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  • IdigDirtIdigDirt member
    We are getting licensed to foster to adopt and bio son is 2.5. We were told that it is very rare to get a legally free child in our age range (1-4) so we know we will be taking the chance of having to give the child back. It was not covered in our training how to deal with this with our DS.
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • mtenderemtendere member
    Our daughter just turned four. We are only going to open out home to children younger than her. I think the adjustment will be hard, but I think that she can handle it if we prepare her. We are telling her that a child may come to stay with us for awhile because their mommy and daddy can't take care of them. We are framing it always as a temporary situation, so hopefully she will have an easier time when the child is reunified. Of course, we don't really know how she will handle it and if it's really awful, we may have to step back and reassess.
    ***************************** Our beautiful daughter was born in October 2009. Turns out she was quite the miracle. After two years of TTC, diagnosed with DOR. A couple of failed treatment cycles later, we decided to let go of our hope for more biological children and explore adoption.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    After I responded, I was reading the latest edition of Adoptive Families magazine, and there was a question and answer about this very thing. I'm going to try to take a picture of the section and post it.
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  • smash_effectsmash_effect member
    Our son just turned 5. We are fostering twin babies :) We have just been very honest but simple with him: the babies are staying with us while their mama gets better...then, they'll be going home. Seems like he understands but I know it will be hard when they do go home- especially because it is feeling like this will be a long process (1 year+). We will all have to brace for impact when they leave and adjust to our new normal together as a family at that time. It will be extremely hard but we believe our impact in these kiddo's lives are worth it.
    Declan 8.25.08
    Lincoln 3.18.11
    Brooks 7.7.12



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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    I couldn't put the picture in the post (I'm on my iPad), but you can find it here: https://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=29lfi85&s=5#.UnRtJPS9KSM.
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  • LadyXaverianLadyXaverian member

    Thank you for all of your responses! We have a lot to think about. We know we want to do this- we just want to be cautious about the timing since Nora is so young and wouldn't really understand at this point what was going on. She's 2.5 for those who have mobile and can't see my siggy but because we're moving early next year, she'd be 3 by the time we really got started with the process if we were to proceed as originally planned.

     

    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


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  • LadyXaverianLadyXaverian member
    fredalina said:
    As to the original question, this is one of the reasons we are done fostering for a while. And I'm glad because Char has been having what seems to be a hard time processing adoption and her story and all that. She is very bright and the questions she asks are clear headed and pointed so I figure she is thinking things like adoption, childbirth, and (believe it or not) the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus in ways I didn't think through until I was probably 6 or 8.

    Whoa! She sounds like the neatest kid.

    Thanks for sharing about how it actually may be possible to only foster kids who are legally free for adoption. I may have misunderstood the one lady I spoke with. Our original plan was to call back after the new year once we get our house on the market to get set up to take the PATH classes. I am sure we will still make that call and hopefully get better clarification.

    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


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  • daddyphelpsdaddyphelps member

    My company works with agencies in the world of private adoption and foster care. You can adopt from foster care.   Reach out to me and I can put you in touch with those agencies.

    Greg

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