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1st Dr appt since Sophie and Gabriel left.

diamante1181diamante1181 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I went today to my two week follow up, just to make sure everything was okay. Which it is, btw, physically anyhow. She went over my pathology reports from the hospital. It was truly heartbreaking to hear what happened to my darlings scientifically. I had subchorionic hemorrhaging, which evolved into placental abruption, which developed an infection. Testing of the placenta revealed not only infection of Sophie's placenta, but that there was a clot that covered 30% of the maternal area. I knew I had developed infection and we had to induce anyway because Sophie's bag broke. It is such a strange time for me. My birthday is tomorrow, and I don't care. I can not celebrate my 'life' when my babies are not with us. 

My dh booked us a getaway to Puerto Rico next week. We have family there and a house to ourselves. I just feel so odd leaving my house for more than a few hours. I'm a little apprehensive, to tell the truth. Also a little guilty, because it is almost a last-ditch effort to distract me from the pain, and any prospect of having a 'good' time is little more than torturous to me at the moment. I just feel like a leaf that's floating on the surface of a lake. Not carefree, but out of control.
On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



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Re: 1st Dr appt since Sophie and Gabriel left.

  • diamante1181diamante1181 member
    True. It's just so hard to reconcile being of two minds. I feel like at least if one person understands where I'm coming from, then it was worth letting the words out. So thank you! 
    On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



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  • irons633irons633 member
    Sorry your appointment was rough my dear. I have my 6 week appointment right before Thanksgiving but had to see me doctor a few days after I gave birth because my breast were swollen from my milk coming and having post partum preeclampsia. I cried the whole time there. I understand the feeling guilty part for I am suffering with that now. Like pp stated don't feel upset if you feel any type of happiness. Hugs!!
    imageimageimageimageimage 
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  • diamante1181diamante1181 member
    Thank you ladies. I hope I can get through this. Hubby swears he is fine and is just trying to 'push' me to do stuff that he perceives is healthy, such as leaving the house, etc. I have been trying to do stuff here and there, such as cooking, which I used to do a lot of before getting pregnant. I just have no desire for a lot of things. We are sure to have a decent time in PR. Usually I go to the beach, just to listen to the waves and have the breeze in my hair. In a way I commune with the Divine through nature. I hope I can renew my faith, at least. Hopefully the change of environment will recharge my batteries, and I won't have to feel bad about it.
    On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



    image
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  • VyD81VyD81 member
    I cried through my 2nd week appointment too and cried today at my postpartum appointment. DH birthday was 2 days after we loss our boy so it was extremely hard. 
    I know it's easier said than done, try not to feel guilty if you feel some happiness. We're always going to miss and love our children.  When I feel guilty, I take a breath and tell Raynor that I miss and love him. I hope he can hear me. 
    I know it's going to be hard, and I hope you have a good birthday. 
    Big hugs. 
    Ticker id: ra2f

    BFP #2, EDD 12/26/14, please be our rainbow.

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  • stefugestefuge member
    ***LO ticker*** Nothing about this is easy and that is understandable. I'm so sorry your appointment was so difficult. I honestly think you just have to take it day by day, moment by moment. If you feel like cooking, or resting, or whatever, just do it. Let yourself slowly deal with your grief however you need.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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